These are excerts i sent to McLean reg. residential services:
"I am an 18 year old male, and have Major Depressive Disorder, but with a twist. I appear to rapidly cycle on a semi-chronological daily basis. Right now i am looking into if it is a blood sugar issue, but i am not certain if it can be because thus far it doesn't mater when i eat or what i eat, I still get depressed on the the following cycle:
Wake up depressed, stay depressed until about 2pm with a peak at about 1pm, I get a little bit better after the peak, but remain depressed, and then will completely fine around 4, around six or seven occasionaly it will return slightly for a few hours.
This cycle has been known to switch to an evening schedual, getting depressed about 4 to six PM and lasting until morning. Also, some days, lik today, the cycle is not apearant, with virtualy no depression at all.
After extended time in a cycle the effects become more intense and less stable, to the point of completely unpredictable and uncontrolable emotional lows which exhibit sucidal thought with passive atempts, self abuse, irritation and agression on some days. I am usualy active when i am depressed, but i get waves at the lowest periods where i can feel my body slowing down, and everything around me seems to as well. In a few minutes to a few hours I return to a normal state, just to plunge again usualy worse than before.
I have no mania, I simply return to a normal state, and am taking Risperdal and Zoloft. I have responded some to the Zoloft, and very well to Risperdal and has completely stopped my more psychotic features.
Still, i am getting very frusterated living this way, and feeling out of control. I have been been put in brief crisis intervention, but I am not feeling like i am getting anywhere. My cycles are so rapid, i don't feel safe with only counselling. I have been hospitalized in an acute residential unit in Casper WY when i was younger and my cycles were less rapid, usualy lasting two weeks upto a month. This unit saved my life then, and certainly my sanity, I responded very well to the group theripy I participated in. Unfortunatly, I have no group support here."
I have done lots of research on the web about depression, bipolar, rapid cycling, major depressive disorder, drugs, interaction, ect... but i have not found anything to charicterize my depression. I do not have any of the other charicteristics of hypothyroidism or diabeties, although I do have histories of both in my family among geriatric (sp?) members, but no record this early in life. I am, however, getting tested for both soon. Like I said I am very frustrated living this way, jumping from being suicidal to being normal in some cases less than 20 minutes time. I do notice an increase in wanting to be active when I am normal for a few weeks at a time, but not feeling out of control or even "hyper" or euphoric (sp?) for long periods of time.
Obviously, I have concitered longer term (a few weeks) hospitalization, thus why contacting McLean to figure out how to control this. However, I really feel like I'm the only person alive with such rapid and cyclical deppressions without mania or liklihood of "physical" medical problems. Is it possible to be bipolar with super-suppressed mania? Could my medication drive me into rapid cycling? Could i be a Major Depressive in transition into Bipolar? Are their any special medications for violent mood swings? Do i need to be hospitalized at all?
Sorry for the length of this letter, but I am very frustrated and confuzed right now. I want to live a normal life, but every time I have th oppertunity my illness gets in my way. I am now unemployed, i had to quit my job because of this, I am tired, and cut up and warn out. Every time I am offered help I reject it, so I don't even know deep down inside i want to get better, or atleast my depressive "no point to life" part of me doesn't. Sometimes I feel more suicidal when i'm comming up OUT of a depresion because I'm so tired of living my life the way I must.
GRR!
-shawn