Teenage Son

[ROWDYRANDI]

I do not know if I should stay out of this or get involved.  Our son is 18 and has been dating a girl for over a year.  They have been on and off again even before that.  We have never liked her or trusted her but have kept our mouth shut except to make sure that he keeps his priorities straight about his future, like college, etc.  She has broken up with him twice in the past and it has always been because of another guy.  He has taken her back each time.  She is a very needy person.  She has a family where this type of thing goes on with the other kids and the family tries to ignore it and keep it under wraps.  She tries to manipulate every moment of his life(if we let her).  She complains that she does not get to see him enough.  She has few, if any, other friends.  She lies and then talks her way out of things.  A few days ago, she was caught sneaking out of her room to meet another boy - and had been doing so for some time.  Our son was devasted but now she is back bugging him and trying to make excuses for what she did.  I thought he would finally realize that she definitely has problems and get out of this terrible relationship.  He is going off to college, anyway, next year.  If she can't stand it now, it will be worse when he goes away and will definitely do this to him again.  He is not saying much but I can see that he is being sucked back in to her lies.  I know he is old enough to make his own mistakes, but I feel that his inability to see her for what she is is a fault that could get him a lot of trouble and feel like we should intervene and maybe get him to a counselor.  I don't want to make things worse but I also don't want to let him go back to such a destructive relstionship.  What do you think?  When do you intervene as a parent?

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

I think it would be wise to tell your son exactly what you told me here, and to offer him the opportunity to see a counselor to think it through.  As long as he will listen, your advice can be invaluable.

[mraverage]

I think you should intervene, BUT you are going to have to be very careful about how you do this. My kids are small, but I remember back when I was in high school.

I know exactly what your son is going through. More than likely they are having sex. (you probably already know that). I am just speaking from experience.

That would explain the reason that he keeps taking her back and putting it with all of her ****.

If I were you I would try to tell him that you want more for him. You hate to see him get hurt like this over and over and that the girl can't be trusted.

Hopefully if you approach him in a manner and explain it in a way that shows you are trying to do what is right for him and not in a "I forbid you from seeing her" way it will be accepted for what it is. A message of love.

I wish you luck my friend!

[dont]

more than likely you will have to let him make his own mistakes and learn on his own she isn't right for him. I went through this at his age with a boy that I dated on and off for 7 years. He went away to school which was the best thing that happened to me. It took me a long time to feel better about him but I did it and now am happily married. If he goes away to school he should be fine because he will meet new people and meet a lot of new girls and hopefully will get involved with other things and he will forget about her but I think you have to let him figure that out on his own.

[krampus]

Your son needs to find another girlfriend. I don't think he wants to marry this one does he? Be careful about what she expects.