I wonder if I really do need help

[Zoid]

I am male, 25. I have a job (which pays Ok but I really hate), I have a girlfriend of 19 months who I love, and have a loving family (who I live 120 miles from).

For as long as I can remember I have been a very stressful person. Little things will provoke a big reaction from me. I thrive on extreme feelings, there is very little middle ground with me: I either love something or hate it.

I am extremely paranoid. I assume the worst of every situation until proven otherwise and I find it difficult to trust people. I expect people to eventually do me wrong. The only people this does not apply to are my parents.

I have immediate worst case scenario thoughts about anything that happens. e.g. if my other half goes to her friends house for the evening I assume this is because she has gone to discuss how bad our relationship is and how she is going to break up with me. I even imagine the conversation that will take place when she returns home.

I don't sleep very well. I have 3 or 4 what I would term "nightmares" every single night of my life. I don't recall ever having had a positive dream. Explosions, kidnappings, terrorists, volcanoes, burglaries, car breakdowns, my family in danger, inability to perform sexually, failure on stage (I am a musician), how I have let my family down (they are very religious and I am not), intense feelings of being lost and late. All these are common dream themes. I have many recurring dreams.

I stress about everything. I get a pain over my heart area. Sometimes 3 times a day, sometimes I won't have one for 3 months. I get myself really worked up about things I have no control over.

I have a very bad self image. I am convinced I am ugly and very fat (I am slightly overweight at 16 stone and 6ft3) and that I am generally in the way because of my size. e.g. I won't go swimming because I am convinced that people are getting annoyed at my splashes and that they are talking about me.

I don't really feel depressed although I am starting to realise that I may have a problem. Until recently I was convinced that everything I felt was normal. However, last week I got myself very worked up about how my girlfriend was about to break up with me. This went on for several days and I ended up having several dizzy spells.

I quite often have a brief (couple of minutes) feeling of complete desperation and helplessness. This usually passes after a few tears. I find this a great release.

Everything I feel is just normal now cos this is how I always remember it. I have no idea whether to do anything or whether just to get on with things. I feel very strongly about people wasting medical professionals' time and don't wish to do this.

All thoughts would be GREATLY appredciated.

Cheers

[keeknap]

you sound like you have general anxiety disorder. please read up on it. i had it for a long time and the same symptoms but i wasnt crying all the time so i thought it was just a way of life. please get yourself a check up  because i let mine go for years and i got worse.

[inter nos intra muros]

Hi! I am so sorry you feel this way and even though I am not a doctor the things you describe are effecting your life in some very real ways. So even though you don't want to waste a doctor's time (in your words), you would not. Feelings like you are having and things you are experiencing are worth looking into even if it is just for a peace of mind. That is what doctors are for.
Believe me, if I had not gone to the doctor when I started having problems I would have never known things could be better than they were, even though I still have a long way to go.
I wish you all the best in whatever you decide to do!

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

I have a very definite and strong recommendation for you.  You should work with a psychotherapist...you are experiencing a great deal of unnecessary misery, and that can be helped, and you can't really do it yourself because the pattern of your thinking and attitudes has been there so long.

You also might get some help from antidepressant medications, but if you do that, ask your doctor to start you and keep you on the lowest dose possible, and only for as long as you need to start feeling better and doing some good work with a therapist.

There is an ancient Yogi saying that you might keep in mind " I have a terrible life, and most of it didn't happen."  Don't let that happen to you.