can you diagnose me?

[rickcoo]

Hi.

  Something is obviously seriously wrong with me.  I went to a top notch college and graduated in 1994..Soon after I returned home and worked successfully for 5 years as a computer programmer.  I returned home to an economically deprived area out of avoidance of the real world and a need to look out for my elderly parents.  Soon after 9/11/01, I was downsized from my last programming assignment.  My mom became sick soon after and despite sending out a ton of resumes, I was not able to land a job.  finally I decided to go to grad school.  I took some work temporarily as a custodian(a little over a month)but then my mother died.  I had to cancel going to grad school to look after my elderly father.  i fell into a bad depression and a world of fantasy...I spent all my time writing and chatting online with women far away..a couple that I developed attachments too(I didn't stalk them--nor would I ever).  Women who i never met in person.in the last 5 years I haven't worked hardly at all.  I had a substantial amount of money saved before I drained it all.  I still have about 30 grand left but with no car, no job, and no applicable work experience for this area, i'm stuck

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

The diagnosis is obvious...you are stuck and in a hole, and what you need is to get out into the world through work, socialization, and following your own passions in life. You should be in your early thirties according to what you said, and this is a time to really dig into to your life and career.  I assume you are still caring for your father, and that is a big factor, but if not, then you should be prepared to move to wherever you need to go to get going.  I suggest you spend some time talking your life plans through with a counselor, and if you can't find one, go to www.masteringmylife to start working on this....

[sal222]

I left my emotionally abusive, alcoholic, unemployed husband about two years ago. We are now divorced and I have primary care and control of my three wonderful boys. I've been working really hard to give them a good life and keep it all together. The boys are very active in sports and I do the majority of the running around with them. I'm employed full time with a great company and I've also recently started a part time side business to supplement my income because I don't receive consistant child support from my ex. I fell exhausted most of the time and I tend to feel overwhelmed alot. Most of my friends and family tell me I'm amazing and they could never do what I do. I feel like I don't have a choice because my kids mean the world to me and I'm the sole provider.

My doctor precribed my with Effexor Xr 75mg's to help control my bouts of depression and anxiety. Since I've been on it I've gained about 20 pounds and I am now smoking full time. (I used to smoke only socially). I have contant cravings for food, cigarettes and sometimes alcohol. The other problem I'm having is that my menstrual periods have been very irregular. I'm bleeding in between cycles and having alot of cramping. I can't get in to see my doctor for a few more weeks, but I'm considering switching to Wellbutrin to control the weight gain and cravings.

I feel that I need to stay on medication for a while to handle my emotions, but now I'm worried about other health issues. I'm wondering if anyone else out there has experience similar side effects?

[sal222]

Ooops! Sorry it looks like I posted my question under the wrong area. (i'm new at this)

[HIS GIFT TO US]

I'm no DR but I just wanted to say it's awesome you were willing & able to help with your parents care. By no means are you stuck, you said you have about 30 grand, thats a good start, you need a car like you mentioned, maybe you could find a cheap on that gets good gas mileage :) LOL also do you really want to leave where you are living now, if you did I think you would have already gotten a job that would take you away, is your dad still alive if he is maybe you feel you must stay for him. I'm puzzled that you say you want to leave so bad but yet you seem to be stuck indoors, maybe take things slow by taking an afternoon to look at cars. I doubt you have any severe disorder you just need a boost in life sometimes we all get in a rut, you just seem to have been in it quite awhile. I think you don't won't to make a bad decision so you are choosing to make no decision at all where in this case it has left you in this situation, although it's not so bad you just need a car & a job these are easily fixible things, maybe by getting out a little more & feeling some independence you'll start to feel better about things but you've gotta be willing no one else can do this for you. I'd hate for you to get put on a ton of meds when really just making a few decisions in your personal life will be a lot cheaper (DR bills are sooo $$$$$) & I think you'll be amazed at how much of this you can fix on your very own:) SMILE Another key to independence is being able to manage your $$$, so don't get an expensive girl:)LOL I hope this makes you feel better!!! Life is short so get out & enjoy it:) LOVE & PRAYERS

[sunflower21]

My advice would be to relocate to whatever location you'd like to be and would be best for finding work in your field. Once you're there maybe you could find a good counselor or therapist to help you work through your issues and help you get your life back on track. If you do things in small steps it won't be as stressful or overwhelming. When you're settled, try getting back into work by getting something part-time in your field. You'll rebuild your resume and confidence in your career at the same time. Once a few things start going right, the rest will follow. It takes time, but be patient and don't put too much pressure on yourself about getting the ideal job or going to grad school until you're feeling better, etc. Just from what you wrote, you sound like someone who is ambitious, but got discouraged and lost your confidence from a series of unfortunate events. I'm no doctor, but taking medication won't change your situation in the long run. You will still be unhappy and disastisfied with your life until you make some real changes in your living situation, career and just getting out there and having a good life. Be thankful you have your degree, some work experience and a cushion of money to get your life going in the right direction. Good luck :-)

[rickcoo]

also a few other things:

1. I never really established independance.  Just as i was about to, i lost my job.
2. I became obsessed with landing a good job so i could leave this area and occasionally when I'd get calls for jobs in my field, I would get anxious over the phone.  This problem got worse and worse.