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complex issues stemming from chronic physical pain
Hello, I would like to say that this service is going to be highly valuable to be due to the fact that I am unable to see a mental health professional due to financial reasons, so I do greatly appreciate your attention. My story is complex, so bear with me. (I am a 28 yr old male)
I began having a constant severe headache and tension across my forehead in April 2005. It's never gone away since and it's driven me into this dark hole of depression. Anything that I do, especially if I try to work, go on vacation, or even go to my girlfriend's house is torture, but I put on a "front" and pretend I am okay...it's hard. Only in the last few months have I began to force myself out of the house, and as a result my anxiety and depression is improving, but I am in constant torment due to my physical pain. I was diagnosed with a bone tumor of the skull. I am contemplating surgery, but hesitant because I have had a doctor tell me he doesn't think it's causing my symptoms and that I should see a psychiatrist. Yet another doctor has told me it very well may be causing my symptoms (I'm 95% sure it is myself for specific reasons). At this point, I am investigating the possibility of minimally invasive endoscopic neurosurgery-waiting to hear back from a surgeon in another state who is reviewing my MRI to see if it can be done.
Now that you know my story, here is where I would like you to come in and help--The notion of working full time, or at all for that matter is overwhelming in my mind. I'm on hospital charity but psychiatry won't be covered. I've applied for social security but that's not guarantee and it's a long way off. I'm living with family who is constantly nagging me and telling me "oh there's nothing wrong with you if there was the doctor would have done something by now...you're just depressed." Even worse, my girlfriend constantly nags me to get a job-and that she doesn't want to be with me until I do-she says that she has to look out for her daughter and that she won't be attached to a "deadbeat bum". She says that I "dont take my psych meds" (no meds have helped me-i've been on a dozen-I've tried topomax, inderal, Lexapro, Effexor, Varapimil, among others-no real help-so I take no drugs anymore).
The PROBLEM that I have is nobody supports me emotionally. My girlfriend can't see my pain or feel my pain and it's easy for her and others to conveniently "forget" I have problems. I understand she's looking out for her daughter and who she wants to be in a relationship with, but can't she just be patient till I have surgery? NO SHE WON'T! =( They think I'm just depressed or something, i don't know what it is. I want to work so badly. I want to come home to a family at night. I want to marry my girlfriend. I want to get out of my family's house. I'm stuck in a rut. I don't know what to do...I'm losing my mind.
I began having a constant severe headache and tension across my forehead in April 2005. It's never gone away since and it's driven me into this dark hole of depression. Anything that I do, especially if I try to work, go on vacation, or even go to my girlfriend's house is torture, but I put on a "front" and pretend I am okay...it's hard. Only in the last few months have I began to force myself out of the house, and as a result my anxiety and depression is improving, but I am in constant torment due to my physical pain. I was diagnosed with a bone tumor of the skull. I am contemplating surgery, but hesitant because I have had a doctor tell me he doesn't think it's causing my symptoms and that I should see a psychiatrist. Yet another doctor has told me it very well may be causing my symptoms (I'm 95% sure it is myself for specific reasons). At this point, I am investigating the possibility of minimally invasive endoscopic neurosurgery-waiting to hear back from a surgeon in another state who is reviewing my MRI to see if it can be done.
Now that you know my story, here is where I would like you to come in and help--The notion of working full time, or at all for that matter is overwhelming in my mind. I'm on hospital charity but psychiatry won't be covered. I've applied for social security but that's not guarantee and it's a long way off. I'm living with family who is constantly nagging me and telling me "oh there's nothing wrong with you if there was the doctor would have done something by now...you're just depressed." Even worse, my girlfriend constantly nags me to get a job-and that she doesn't want to be with me until I do-she says that she has to look out for her daughter and that she won't be attached to a "deadbeat bum". She says that I "dont take my psych meds" (no meds have helped me-i've been on a dozen-I've tried topomax, inderal, Lexapro, Effexor, Varapimil, among others-no real help-so I take no drugs anymore).
The PROBLEM that I have is nobody supports me emotionally. My girlfriend can't see my pain or feel my pain and it's easy for her and others to conveniently "forget" I have problems. I understand she's looking out for her daughter and who she wants to be in a relationship with, but can't she just be patient till I have surgery? NO SHE WON'T! =( They think I'm just depressed or something, i don't know what it is. I want to work so badly. I want to come home to a family at night. I want to marry my girlfriend. I want to get out of my family's house. I'm stuck in a rut. I don't know what to do...I'm losing my mind.
Hi,
I hope this note finds everyone in pain alittle better today. My sister was just diagnosed with "Conversion Disorder". She has been fainting for the past week and has been hospitalized, she has had every test come back within normal range with no explanation for the fainting. She has suffered for years with Migrains, which have put her in the hospital for up to 12 days with around the clock morphine for the pain. She also has chronic other conditions, such as Crohns disease, bowl adhesions,ms among others. We are told that with Conversion Disorder that she is really feeling pain, however there is no medical reason for this, a deep depression causes this and can also have additional symptoms, blindness, paralyisis etc. Does anyone else no of this disorder. My sister was transferred to a Mental health facility last night. I am terrifed for her. Im sure she is feeling alone and betrayed. I want to help her so bad. I know she is in the best place, but I just wonder if she is aware that we want to help her, not hurt her. She has always been a "Control Freek" at work and at home. She quit a very good job about 8mth ago, because the owner of the Co. did'nt always do things the way she thought were best. Her children ages 22 and 21yrs old, have there own lives and don't need her the way they used to. Her husband is in the medical field and has always been supportive, but I don't think she gets the attention that she wants. She has no girlfriends to talk to, her best friend died 1 year ago. She has 2 sisters that love her dearly, but she refuses to be close to us. She has always been distant, we always felt it was because she felt supperior to us, but now we wonder if she was just hidding behind her pain. Has anyone out there been through this? if so what was the outcome?
I hope this note finds everyone in pain alittle better today. My sister was just diagnosed with "Conversion Disorder". She has been fainting for the past week and has been hospitalized, she has had every test come back within normal range with no explanation for the fainting. She has suffered for years with Migrains, which have put her in the hospital for up to 12 days with around the clock morphine for the pain. She also has chronic other conditions, such as Crohns disease, bowl adhesions,ms among others. We are told that with Conversion Disorder that she is really feeling pain, however there is no medical reason for this, a deep depression causes this and can also have additional symptoms, blindness, paralyisis etc. Does anyone else no of this disorder. My sister was transferred to a Mental health facility last night. I am terrifed for her. Im sure she is feeling alone and betrayed. I want to help her so bad. I know she is in the best place, but I just wonder if she is aware that we want to help her, not hurt her. She has always been a "Control Freek" at work and at home. She quit a very good job about 8mth ago, because the owner of the Co. did'nt always do things the way she thought were best. Her children ages 22 and 21yrs old, have there own lives and don't need her the way they used to. Her husband is in the medical field and has always been supportive, but I don't think she gets the attention that she wants. She has no girlfriends to talk to, her best friend died 1 year ago. She has 2 sisters that love her dearly, but she refuses to be close to us. She has always been distant, we always felt it was because she felt supperior to us, but now we wonder if she was just hidding behind her pain. Has anyone out there been through this? if so what was the outcome?
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
I sympathize with your stuck position and would like to help you think clearly about your situation, as the only way to get out of it. The problem is with the diagnosis. If you have an operable bone tumor in your forehead that is causing direct pain, it seems your doctors would operate.
On the other hand, if your pain is caused by your depression, then getting out and back into life, like you have been doing,should first relieve you of your anxiety and depression ( which is working) and then, after you get back to work, and find work that you like and moves you forward in your goals, should relieve you of your depression.
Since you are waiting to find out re the surgery, why don't you explore the other alternative and experiment with working. You have to spend your time during the day doing something, it may as well be work, and that may be the cure you are looking for.
Being mentallly overwhelmed with the idea of working should not stop you from trying. Working is much better medicine than anything else.
On the other hand, if your pain is caused by your depression, then getting out and back into life, like you have been doing,should first relieve you of your anxiety and depression ( which is working) and then, after you get back to work, and find work that you like and moves you forward in your goals, should relieve you of your depression.
Since you are waiting to find out re the surgery, why don't you explore the other alternative and experiment with working. You have to spend your time during the day doing something, it may as well be work, and that may be the cure you are looking for.
Being mentallly overwhelmed with the idea of working should not stop you from trying. Working is much better medicine than anything else.
I know the thought of working and holding down a job is overwhelming; I know it first hand. I've been there too. You know what I found out, I found out that working actually helps with depression and anxiety. It really and truly does. I was scared to death to have a job, I was afraid of everything; I was a mess and I just wanted to be at home where I felt safe and sound. I was terribly homesick at the thought of being away from my family. And I was scared of the commitment that having a job brings; I worried I wouldn't be able to miss a day, I'd have to be on time, I'd have to stay there for a certain number of hours a day and what if I couldn't do it?!?!
I set myself up to fail every single time.
And then I learned how to have a job......and I am doing it and I like it!! I learned that I had to stop looking at work as this terrible ugly place that I had to go to everyday. I had to stop thinking that I couldn't do it....I just took it one day at a time, one hour at a time sometimes. And I had to learn to look at it as something I was choosing to do and not something I was forced to do.
I like having a job, and the people there really like me, I even work with the public; in fact my job is the most public job of anyone else at the place where I work. I come into contact with a lot of people and I enjoy getting up each day and having someplace to go and something to do. And I even have people who come to where I work just to see me; these people have grown on me and I think that if you could get over your fear of being overwhelmed that you might actually feel a little bit better and you would have something to look forward to each day; start out part time, you don't have to jump right into full time. Start out slow, maybe a couple days a week, a few hours a day.
I understand that with your tumor you are in a more delicate state....and make sure that your dr will even allow you to work, but if your dr. does, then I say GO FOR IT!! Don't hold yourself back!! Don't ever hold yourself back, you might regret that someday; just try it.......go to a temp agency and get yourself a little job, nothing permanent, just something to get you started. You won't regret it........if it doesn't work out, then at least you tried and you can try again. And you just keep on trying until you build up your confidence and pretty soon, you will find yourself holding down a job and maybe someday you will be hearing those wedding bells ring!!!
I have confidence in you.
I'm sorry about the pain you are in....I'm very sorry for that. I hope the dr can find a way to help you overcome the pain.
Just keep thinking of the possibilities; you have your whole life in front of you. Start out small, take extra special care of yourself (because you are a very important person and you are very special) and I just know that with a little more confidence you can get through this and you will have lots of wonderful stuff to look forward to.
xx
I set myself up to fail every single time.
And then I learned how to have a job......and I am doing it and I like it!! I learned that I had to stop looking at work as this terrible ugly place that I had to go to everyday. I had to stop thinking that I couldn't do it....I just took it one day at a time, one hour at a time sometimes. And I had to learn to look at it as something I was choosing to do and not something I was forced to do.
I like having a job, and the people there really like me, I even work with the public; in fact my job is the most public job of anyone else at the place where I work. I come into contact with a lot of people and I enjoy getting up each day and having someplace to go and something to do. And I even have people who come to where I work just to see me; these people have grown on me and I think that if you could get over your fear of being overwhelmed that you might actually feel a little bit better and you would have something to look forward to each day; start out part time, you don't have to jump right into full time. Start out slow, maybe a couple days a week, a few hours a day.
I understand that with your tumor you are in a more delicate state....and make sure that your dr will even allow you to work, but if your dr. does, then I say GO FOR IT!! Don't hold yourself back!! Don't ever hold yourself back, you might regret that someday; just try it.......go to a temp agency and get yourself a little job, nothing permanent, just something to get you started. You won't regret it........if it doesn't work out, then at least you tried and you can try again. And you just keep on trying until you build up your confidence and pretty soon, you will find yourself holding down a job and maybe someday you will be hearing those wedding bells ring!!!
I have confidence in you.
I'm sorry about the pain you are in....I'm very sorry for that. I hope the dr can find a way to help you overcome the pain.
Just keep thinking of the possibilities; you have your whole life in front of you. Start out small, take extra special care of yourself (because you are a very important person and you are very special) and I just know that with a little more confidence you can get through this and you will have lots of wonderful stuff to look forward to.
xx
jdt,
Your situation does sound like a physical pain issue due to your bone tumor. Based on what you have written you should continue down that investigation path. Have you been on drugs to help the pain for the headache? seems like that would be what might help you first. Your chronic head pain needs to be treated with some medication, and a good doctor should help there.
Focus on getting your own life back in order first. In the end, you need to take care of yourself, and worry about others later. Take one day and step at a time, and eliminate as much stress from your life as possible. Sounds like you are living at home and don't want to be, and that is understandable. Focus on getting the pain under control, and then pursuing a job once you get better.
Good luck friend. You are not alone out there, and keep fighting to work through this!!
Your situation does sound like a physical pain issue due to your bone tumor. Based on what you have written you should continue down that investigation path. Have you been on drugs to help the pain for the headache? seems like that would be what might help you first. Your chronic head pain needs to be treated with some medication, and a good doctor should help there.
Focus on getting your own life back in order first. In the end, you need to take care of yourself, and worry about others later. Take one day and step at a time, and eliminate as much stress from your life as possible. Sounds like you are living at home and don't want to be, and that is understandable. Focus on getting the pain under control, and then pursuing a job once you get better.
Good luck friend. You are not alone out there, and keep fighting to work through this!!
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