what is my problem

[not feeling correct]

I have seen many physcitrists councelours ect. they say I suffer from anxiety and depression they have put me on every medication possible I think. I suffer I guess you woul d say from beinng afraid of or totaly hatting my self and my life I cannot make myself do things that I need to do such as work effectively I have never held a job for very long I ruine relationships have been marrried once now divorced I feel like I cant control my life I am diabetic and and have stoped caring for myself I drink to feel better but that only helps for a few hours I am afraid of talking to new people (oppisite sex) I dont as I said take care of myself pyhysicaly hygenicly all I want do is go to sleep and never wake up I will never take my own life but if I die I feel it would be no big deal except to my family I have to force myself to go to work every day and actualy get sick to stomach thinking about it I feel like I cant go on living this way infact I know I cant I need help badly as I said I have seen many different doctors and nobody seems to help going to see them and even doing this has taken every bit of energy that I have if you can help me I would be forever in your debt please help.

[hangin'in there!]

Great answer sunfell!

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

You need to be in an inpatient mental health program, and you should do that right away. You will a complete evaluation and treatment.  Talk to your doctor about this, or go to the nearest university medical center and apply for this treatment.

[sunf]

If I had diabetes I wouldn't feel correct either. In fact, I don't feel "correct" because I am unhealthy. I do know that blood sugar levels have a huge impact on mood and energy. If yours are fluctuating extremely because of insulin resistance it would really make sense that you would be either very angry at times or very tired and depressed. The alcohol usage is not helping at all..just making things much worse, but fluctuating blood sugar levels can make you crave alcohol. So that's something you need to get help for..too bad it seems you don't have someone in your life who is there for you at this moment.
And this is just a response from a lay person who understands how important diet is to health and mood. At a low point you might not "care" anymore about anything but maybe that's just because you feel like you couldn't control it anyway. You can, though. There is a lot you can do with diabetes, assuming it is adult onset type 2. You can even reverse it through proper diet. You may want to research the effects of dietary magnesium on diabetes...meanwhile, since you are already on medications you might want to seek someone out IRL who can get you off them, like the Dr. here who answers these.