Aa
what is wrong??
I have a problem that seems to be growing every day. I just thought I would post this on here to see if you guys and gals can help me out by providing advice, etc. Thanks in advance for reading the below which could be lengthy cause I'm going to try to hit on everything.
Aright, I am 20 years old and 5'11
1 week ago, I achieved my goal and that was to be under 200lbs, I used to weigh 350. I am now 199.6 but I'm not happy. I feel like I'm fat and ugly and I'm embarrassed to go outside. I have been told that I can never get a girlfriend due to the way I look and it saddens me. Once I lost all my weight I lost confidence and esteem, I can't even go to the store. I feel like girls laugh at me for the way I look and it causes me to hate myself. I told some of my friends my concerns and they laughed at me. I don't talk to anyone or even go outside when I don't have to. I work and go to school but I feel like such a loser who doesn't even stand a chance with a girl or friends for that matter and I don't know what to do. Any tips or what? Sometimes I get so worried that I get sick.
Aright, I am 20 years old and 5'11
1 week ago, I achieved my goal and that was to be under 200lbs, I used to weigh 350. I am now 199.6 but I'm not happy. I feel like I'm fat and ugly and I'm embarrassed to go outside. I have been told that I can never get a girlfriend due to the way I look and it saddens me. Once I lost all my weight I lost confidence and esteem, I can't even go to the store. I feel like girls laugh at me for the way I look and it causes me to hate myself. I told some of my friends my concerns and they laughed at me. I don't talk to anyone or even go outside when I don't have to. I work and go to school but I feel like such a loser who doesn't even stand a chance with a girl or friends for that matter and I don't know what to do. Any tips or what? Sometimes I get so worried that I get sick.
Best Answer
You are not ugly! I have friends that are not nearly as nice looking as you with girlfriends. I promise you are being way too hard on yourself. If you can start going out to coffee shops or wine bars. Have a coffee or a glass of wine. Watch people, I promise you will see many types out and about dating. Yes, there will be the good looking ones with the beautiful girl, but you will also see regular guys with regular girls. Sounds like you have limited experience with just getting out to see the world. You are worth the effort, but need some experience with being with others.
I am really not sure, I think a few session will help you figure out why you insist you are not good enough. I am not talking therapy for years unless you like it and decide to continue..just awhile. There is no hurry to date. That may be too much pressure. Just try looking in the mirror everyday and tell yourself you are worth being on this earth and you are looking good today. Don't forget to get clothes that fit, do all those daily things like clean teeth, bathing, etc. Get a good haircut and get out there to watch the world until you feel comfortable with yourself. Do things that make you feel good. Start walking to get out and about. Exercising at home is OK, but the idea is to get out and see the world more.
can I do it without therapy??
I think you need therapy to see your worth. Please consider it. It will help you see what you can do to build up your self esteem!
But if I am going to get rejected by everyone why should I even try. I dont want to get laughed at
I get that. It has been years since I dated. LOL
You have to be willing to hear a no. But as in sales...you gotta be prepared to hear a lot of no's before you get the yes. Trust me I did not accept every date request I got and neither do others. But, I did say yes more times than no. Sometimes getting out and going to places regularly like the coffeeshop I mentioned you get to know people and after awhile of being there and talking to others..you will probably meet someone that seems interested. But you have to get out there for that to happen. And I don't mean starbucks. Look for a nice independent one that seems to be low key!
You have to be willing to hear a no. But as in sales...you gotta be prepared to hear a lot of no's before you get the yes. Trust me I did not accept every date request I got and neither do others. But, I did say yes more times than no. Sometimes getting out and going to places regularly like the coffeeshop I mentioned you get to know people and after awhile of being there and talking to others..you will probably meet someone that seems interested. But you have to get out there for that to happen. And I don't mean starbucks. Look for a nice independent one that seems to be low key!
I never have. Its embarrassing for me to try
I have a question. Have you ever asked someone out for a date?? If you decide to try..don't pick the prettiest....pick the nicest!
Your welcome. (:0)
thank you all from all your help
Congrats on ur weight loss! As far as self esteem goes that is something I have struggled with myself for years. I finally have just stopped worrying about what other people think and focus on the things that are important in my life like my kids and family. Start doing things for you! Go do things you like to do. As far as therapy most pastors at local churches are certified councilors and it's free!(no they don't preach to you the whole time, some people worry about that) they might can offer you some ideas to improve your self esteem and give you an objective opinion. You dont have to b crazy to go to therapy, sometimes its nice to vent and hear unbiased advice. I hope things get better for you soon and again congrats on ur awesome accomplishment.
Worrying about what people think is futile and exhausting. Care about what you think and your family to a certain degree. You aren't alone. Lot of folks struggle with self esteem, me included. Best wishes.
yeah I know but the problem I have is how I look and how people think.
I didnt look at your pics when i replied. I was only responding to your post and trying to help. Best wishes
thanks alot, I have tried to do what you said in the past but I cannot think of anything good. I also doubt any girl will like me cause Im not attractive as you can tell from my pictures
You should be sooooooooooooooo proud of yourself for what you have accomplished. It's difficult to lose weight and can b hard to keep off as well. And you sound like a very good weight for your height. It sounds like to me your problem is internal. You need to love yourself from the inside out. You have a self concept problem that u need to work on changing. Write down the top five good positive things about yourself and put it on the mirror and read it everyday. Such as I'm a nice person, I'm funny, I care about people's feelings, I love the body I worked so hard to get. I am a success. Just try what I'm saying. If you help yourself internally you will be happier and more confident and it should just naturally help you interact with girls. And u don't need them all to love u right? All you need is one that genuinely cares about you. Hope this helps. Peace& love
yes I have, at home because Im embarrassed. I walk and do 40 minutes on a stair stepper
I am not crazy either and I have used a therapist whenever I have a situation that needed objective views. Therapy is not for a bad thing. It helps me to put things in order. I never went for long term, but for short times when I needed support that was not clouded by knowing me too well.
Looking fatter and uglier is what I meant. You are not seeing yourself as you really are. It takes the brain awhile to recognize to the new body.
It is actually not uncommon and many have asked the same question.
Here is a link about the same concern that might be helpful.
http://www.daveywaveyfitness.com/weight-release/still-see-my-fat-self-in-the-mirror/
Have you been exercising to get your body into shape??
Looking fatter and uglier is what I meant. You are not seeing yourself as you really are. It takes the brain awhile to recognize to the new body.
It is actually not uncommon and many have asked the same question.
Here is a link about the same concern that might be helpful.
http://www.daveywaveyfitness.com/weight-release/still-see-my-fat-self-in-the-mirror/
Have you been exercising to get your body into shape??
actually I dont, I feel fatter and uglier when I look in the mirror. I dont know what to do, and I cant afford a therapist nor do I want one because Im not crazy
wow, you have done wonderful losing the weight. One of the problems that a lot of people have with that much weight loss is that we still have the picture in our heads of how we USED to look. It takes a long time to get over that. I think the younger you are the harder it gets to get that picture out of our heads. I recently lost 60 lbs. and am not having that problem, but I am 60 and have fought the battle for a long time.
Have you talked to your doctor about this?? Maybe they can recommend a therapist that you could talk to. It might help you to get a clearer picture of what is happening.
Look in the mirror. What do you see? Do you see the skinnier you or the old larger you??
Have you talked to your doctor about this?? Maybe they can recommend a therapist that you could talk to. It might help you to get a clearer picture of what is happening.
Look in the mirror. What do you see? Do you see the skinnier you or the old larger you??
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