Unable to function due to depression

[E_V_D]

Hi

I don't go out, or out of bed for this matter. I feel I'm a failure and most of the time I think the only solution is to end it all. I've got a psychiatrist here in my city that I haven't been able to visit because I couldn't get out of bed. My question is: why is not suicide an option if the life you live is miserable?

[ytucson]

what if after so many years of being depressed and unable to succeed at anything, you begin to isolate, because you know people think you are flakey and "toxic"
All the promises to get out of a place you never intended to live were said with no intention other than to shut you up or distract you
Then finally, you can't say how you are feeling any more without getting yelled at for being wrong about your feelings, and you realize that you are truly alone - your family is sick of you, you have no friends, you cant concentrate, what used to be a happy, hopeful, creative person is now awkward and anxious and crying - lonely, and everytime you think there might be a glimmer of hope, it gets shot down - your feelings - even the fleeting optimistic ones are discounted and any moments of clarity in which you come up with ideas to help make progress toward gaining a sense of stability and mental health are received, but never come to fruition.  
So, if I were to disappear, die, or end my life, truly no one would be affected - in fact, I am quite sure it would be a relief.  I've tried for 27 years and have lost everything to this despair - I am simply a waste of space with nothing to look forward to but continued guilt about the way I am and how much my family has no use for me, let alone love

[iwannahelp]

Hi I am so very sorry that you are going through this debilitating depression.  I wish  there was something I could do.  One thing I can tell you is things can and do get better.  Maybe not tomorrow or next week but they do get better.

Sure suicide can be an option but let me tell you why it's an aweful option.  Those who love you are hurt in ways you cannot imagine.  While you feel alone and maybe feel like your loved ones cannot understand you they love you - care about you deeply.  When you end your life they are haunted for the remainder of theirs thinking how they went wrong.  The guilt will cause severe post traumatic stress disorder and it will put them into a deep depression.

My sibling committed suicide the day after Christmas alone in a hotel room.  They did not find my sibling for 8 days. I am sure they had hoped the next day they would be discovered but nope.. that is not how it worked out.  They then laid in state in a morgue for another 8 days - no burrial for them only creamation - it tears through the inner beings of the ones you love.  So while it might be an "out" for some suicide destroys all those who love you forever.  Unlike cancer or an accident suicide is horrible.  

So what I am saying is give things time to get better.  You may deal with depression for awhile but there is light and hope when you are in your darkest moments hold that close to your heart.  Someone somwhere out there knows exactly what your feeling and cares about you.  So get the thought of suicide out of your mind forever.  Take a walk, go to the mall force yourself out and you will feel better.  Go to support groups and find people to talk to.

[Deana1970]

Suicide only ends your pain...your family is left with all the pain. As a daughter of a parent who committed suicide I can tell you it has affected me in every way badly. Not only do I suffer terrible immobilizing depression myself, but also PTSD from finding my dad when he died. You owe it to yourself and those who love you to keeping trying to get help. Please dont give up...I know you ca not imagine things will ever get better...but they can if you keep fighting for it. God made you for a purpose....never forget that. I tell myself everyday that if I only help one person Ive done my job here on earth. I know that sounds stupid but it does help me get through the days when I cant get out of bed or even take a shower, things seem so overwhelming...just focus on one thing a day to complete and be kind to yourself.

[tvm123]

Sorry for my poor english

[tvm123]

Hello Brother ,

We couldn't stop thinking and doings of man who is drunken unless he is fully get a withdrawal from the alcohol.He makes severe dangerous and very unusual things when he is drunken .After a withdrawal if we ask for  about his doings he can understand this was due the alcohol consumption and he would never do things like as  he did .

In the same  way since you have severe depression that means you have some chemical imbalance in the brain and you didn't lost any thing dont think more and compare/analyze  your life when you are depressed this will make you more depressed due to the increased negative thoughts and poor self esteem .The FIRST RULE OF THUMP IS  THAT YOU UNDERSTAND you have an illness and thus you cant do things now as you did it earlier .Consult a Psychiatrist at the earliest and open your fully before him with the help of your sister.Medicines can do miracle trust me though I have side effects with  drugs for my anxiety and depression and can do things well .So get consultation with a Psychiatrist and Psychologist .Sure you will recover very soon .

Do not try any medicines without a doctors prescription .

Try any herbal medicines like Ashwagantha capsules unless you dont have enough courage to see a doctor. A two week use if these medicines makes you  feel good and then you get a mood  see Doctor
Aslo medicines will not act soon it will make some time to get it adjusted to your body and mind .So you may expericne in th einitial stage do not stop unless it si severe one .Cope with your doctor .

DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT Suicide .The reason you are thinking because of a chemical imbalance in the brain due to depression and nothing happened to you .You can only understand when you get relief from this illness .Be a baby for these times and ask your sister to help as you did with your mother when you are a child . Do not stay alone .

I hope you will recover soon.

[E_V_D]

I am or I used to be very creative. i cross stitch, write, I was learning to draw...
I had many hobbies, yoga walking, shopping, cinema...

I have lost interest for almost everything. I can't focus.

it worries me, everyday more, the job situation. I am not comfortable with not feeling money coming in. it made sounds materialistic but I like money. I was brought up in a very poor background and I am so worried that I am useless and I won't be able to work. I would like to have a coffee out and not feel guilty of the money I spent. I used to have shopping sprees too. and I miss them.

in the place I live with my sister there isn't much to do.

what about you bubulous?

the thought of killing myself never goes away independently of my mood. I a, so tired and bored of myself.

  

[Bubulous]

I'm glad you are feeling better.  Stay active and hopefully your creativity will come back.  Did you used to draw, paint, play an instrument, or write?

[E_V_D]

Hi

Today and yesterday I was better cause I was a little bit active. But I felt like crying all the time.

My appointment with the doctor is on the 9. I've decided to go and talk to him. It's been very long since I have been treated by him and maybe it is time for a change.

But I don't think so somehow. My major problem was that I was travelling because of work, 2 year here one there... So I didn't have a proper therapy for a long time. So now that I'm back in Madrid, he maybe able to treat more regularly.

I'm terrified of living, and starting all over.

Tomorrow is the wise men here in Spain and they bring presents to kids, like Santa. I used to love the holidays and buy lots of presents for my family and I was very playful. This year I don't have ideas or I don't feel like going shopping.  

[4Maddie44]

I am so pleased you have made an appointment with a doctor.  You are seeking help for yourself and that is the first major step.  Well done.  

I have lost a job and house because of depression.  It is a long hard fight I know.  

We will always be here for each other.  It helps so much to "talk" to people who understand how we feel.  I was in a very low place when I joined this site, and people here helped me so much.  Wonderful to know someone is listening.

Let us know how you get on with doctor.

[MamaSueBee]

So sorry for you to be going through this. I have had depressive feelings on and off for many years. I recently stopped taking a prescribed medicine (pain killer) because I didn't think it was necessary or good for me. My pain levels haven't changed, so obviously the medicine wasn't really doing much, anyway. (I have a physical condition that is dealt with by an anti-inflammatory, and that seems to work best.)

Needless to say I am still recovering from the pain med detox and I am in the throws of depression. The snow is awful where I am. I don't have any friends. My family is in the South, a thousand miles away. My husband works all day, my kids are in school...so I am all alone every single day. I hate tv because I think it ***** and is unintelligent. I hate overeating because it is bad for me. I don't have any "fun" things to do. I take no pleasure in alcohol because I used to drink to excess and I stopped because I didn't want my kids to witness that. Don't even like the taste anymore. I don't have any hobbies, except for kayaking, and where I live I can only do that maybe 3 months out of the year. Even then I am doing it alone, so sometimes I don't bother.

In the past I made friends with other moms. I found them to be gossipy or bitchy, or watched them flirt with men who weren't their husbands. I'd find reasons to criticize them....or they'd find things about me to criticize and I'd simply walk away from them. When I was young I was cute and free and drank a lot and had lots of fun. I has a ton of male admirers and boyfriends and was always kept busy going to school or having fun. My best friend and I took on the town several nights a week. Now she lives across the country and she has kids and we never talk anymore. I have tried, but SHE'S too depressed to talk or stay up to date so she doesn't bother much anymore except for on holidays.

I volunteer once a week taking care of terminally ill people. How depressing! I don't know what I'm going to do with my life. I'm 45 and I've finished college, started a business that is making money--but I don't have a hand in the business anymore because our partners felt that a husband and wife team was no good. So I took the back seat. I feel everything I worked for has been taken away from me. And yet my husband works very hard. He adores me. He takes care of me. My kids are good, compassionate kids. I own a home. I never go hungry. We travel a few days here and there for business during the year, but hotels are lonely places. The last trip we took I actually PAID someone to drive me around and give me a half-day tour of the city. I just needed the company of a human being. When it was over I felt all alone again. My husband was in conferences all day.

But I feel pathetic now, here at home, for being in bed and not wanting to go anywhere. I hate the thought of meeting new people and getting used to their quirks. I don't have the energy to get out and go for a walk, especially since my hip hurts all the time. Basically, I am very lonely and I hate my life. And I feel guilty for hating it. I don't know what to do to change it.

[E_V_D]

Hi all
I didn't expect responses so quickly and I want to thank you all.
I don't feel well still but I have arranged a new appointment with the doctor.
I've been sick for almost 20 years. And it seems endless. I'm only 34 and I feel like my life is over.
I was fired from my last job because I had a 30 minutes panic attack and they didn't think I was suitable for the company. I struggled before with work but I managed to go and do it. Since this happened, I am unable to function. I stutter and I suffer from shaking limbs too. I am back to my sister's house because I couldn't pay my own bills. I feel like a burden.
Ill try to open a little more next time I post. So you can know me better and I can know you better.
Guys, thanks for being there. There is so much darkness now that I can't see the way to go.

[4Maddie44]

When we are in a deep depression to only way out seems to be to take our own life.  I think most people on this site have felt like that.

I took an overdose once, went to hospital, and survived.  I am so glad I did.  i would have missed so much.

With the right professional help, and the right medication, we can fight this dark cloud, and survive.  When we are so low,m nothing seems worth living for.  But I urge you to fight this illness.  Do not let it win.

We have to look after ourselves, and not let depression take over our lives.  People you leave behind would be devastated if you took your own life.

FIGHT, like we all do.  You can win and come out the otherside.  I know you don't believe you can, but I am sure you will.  Everyone here has gone through the same, so we all understand.

Keep writing to us here, seek help wherever you can.

[rosey3216]

I often ask myself the same question. But I think its because there is more to life than depression.. but depression is an illness, and just like any other illness it needs treatment. So without that treatment, its hard to see the good things in life because what you are experiencing now is tunnel vision where you see suicide as the only solution. I would suggest, as hard as it is (and believe me, I know), that you seek professional help. Counseling is always a plus and maybe even talk to the psychiatrist about possible medication. But don't give up hope if it doesn't work right away, illnesses
are not treated overnight. Best of luck to you hun..

[Bubulous]

No one is going to tell you that suicide is and option.  I struggle with those thoughts too, a lot.  I know there is a lot more to your story than you are sharing, there always is, and if you can open up a bit, be honest with us and yourself, you will find a lot of help and support on here.  No one will give you the green light to off yourself but I promise you will likely find someone who can relate.