PPD

[IAMommy]

I have been wondering if I am suffering from PPD for about 1 1/2 months now.  My son will soon be 5 months, and I am having A LOT of trouble concentrating, feeling tired all the time, and constantly afriad that I am not doing enough for my son.  My pregnancy before this one ended in a still birth of identical twin boys, and I constantly think about them and my son, and I have a lot of  guilty feelings.  I have had to return to work to help support my family and it just kills me not to be with my son.  I am afraid that I am going to loose my job, because I really can not concentrate.  I try and try, I even set little goal for myself, but I just can't keep on track.  This is very unusual for me, I am normally very responsible.

I keep asking myself if my lack of concetration and poor mood are due to lack of sleep, or PPD...any thoughts?

[mammo]

It's not PPD.  It is the normal feelings of being a new mommy, lack of sleep, and wanting to be the best mommy, which I'm sure you are.  I think the fact that you lost your baby boys is playing a role here also.  PPD is when you cannot bond with your child, and want nothing to do with the child.  I think you DO have depression from losing your twins, and who wouldn't?  See a psychiatrist about this, and go from there.  I lost a son, and there is no greater loss in the world!  Plus, nobody can relate to the pain and emptiness you feel unless they too have lost a child.  Please don't feel guilty, or beat yourself up over this, it was out of your control.  It's hard to leave a child and go to work and concentrate when your baby is all you can think about while there.  But this is very common for all moms (at least I would hope so). My daughter is a first time mom, and had to divorce her husband when her son was 7 months old, and she waited to have a child so that she could be a "stay at home mom", so this devestated her!  He is now 2 1/2 and she still struggles with it.  I think this is what "good mothers" are made of, you'd rather be raising your child than working!  On top of this you are still suffering the loss of your twin boys, and I think you need to get help with this.  No, you will never get over this loss, but with therapy and medication, it will get easier.  You sound like a wonderful person and mommy, and babies don't come with instructions, you just do the best you can and listen to other parents who may offer help.  As moms, we have all doubted ourselves when it comes to our children, and I can tell you that you always will.  Raising children is difficult, and what works for one doesn't for another.  Don't be so hard on yourself, and enjoy your precious gift of a child.  Get help in coping with your loss, some things are just too big for us to handle on our own, and your loss is HUGE!!  Take care.

[remar]

It could be from lack of sleep and or PDD. Have you talked to your Dr about this yet?
After losing your twins it probably would have been a good idea to get counseling. That's got to be such a terrible thing to go through, I can't even imagine.
There are support groups for mothers that have lost babies. Maybe this is something that could help you.   Take care. Remar