Why won't my husband keep a job and what can I do?

[fearfactor]

I have seriously considered divorcing my husband because of his lack of ability to keep a job.  He either gets fired from or quits every job he gets, some very good ones.  I am working right now, but don't make very much and we have two children. He quit a very good job he had last week because the boss "disrespected" him - he just WALKED off the job, again a good-paying one, not easy to come by in our economy, because of this.  With the holidays coming, our kids needing things, etc.  I am very depressed about this and don't know quite what to do.  I have tried talking to him about it but every time he just blows up and says I only think of him as a paycheck, he wouldn't get mad at me for getting fired (yeah right), etc.  What can I do before this marriage ends?  Today is our 6 year anniversary and I don't want to scrap an otherwise OK marriage due to this issue.  And we CAN'T afford counseling because of no insurance - how can you afford medical insurance or out of pocket counseling when hubby won't work?  Thanks for all advice.

[sara......]

Wow, that is really bad.......I'm sorry but I could not be in a relationship like this - Can you?? It sounds like it is beyond salvaging, if you cannot even talk to him. I don't want to scare you, but your kids are going to grow up in a disfunctional household, and they may resent you one day for seeing you let yourself get walked all over - have you ever thought of leaving?
Please don't get a second job, like I said its just validating his bad behaviour.........
Sara

[fearfactor]

No, I can't talk to him because he is verbally abusive, too.  If I were to try and talk to him it would just be him berating me and saying I think of him as only a paycheck and want him only for money.  I don't know what to do.  I am so sick of this man it's not even funny!

[doodad]

Are you serious? get a second job? do yoiu want your kids to grow up thinking that its ok for an adult to walk out on thier family, thats what your husband is doing by not doing his part. this has nothing to do with you and the kids this had everything to do with your husband thinking that society owes him something. he needs to step up, be a man and take care of his family

[sara......]

I would NOT get a second job. This is almost like saying 'its okay for you to be irresponsible and walk away from jobs - I will take care of it all' when HE has a part in supporting his family!
Can you sit down and tell him that you are at the end of your rope, and that you have considered leaving in the past because you do not feel that he takes his responsibilities to his family seriously? This may make him realise how serious you are and that he needs to grow up.  I mean, you work, and I'm sure look after the kids too.
Please don't just get a second job, you would be validating his behaviour. Do not think he will feel automatically feel guilty if you get a 2nd job and change his ways.
Good Luck, sorry you are going through this!

[fearfactor]

No, he doesn't have bipolar - he has been psychologically evaluated and has NONE of the symptoms but thanks for the advice anyway.  

I'm not leaving because it's against my religious beliefs.  I am just so sick of even living, I am tired of trying.  Guess I will just get a second job.

[mayflowers]

Has your husband ever been treated for bi-polar disorder?  It sounds like he's a little paranoid and angry.   Those people will fly off the handle when they think they are being disrespected.  Actually I used to be like that but have since mellowed (meds, therapy, God).

You have a family together so he needs to help support you and the kids.  That's not asking too much at all.  He has to take care of his responsibiliites.   If I were in your shoes, I would tell him that he needs to find a job and keep it b/c you can't make it on just your salary.  I know you said he blows up every time you talk to him about it, but how else are you supposed to get your point across unless you leave him and show by your actions that you won't tolerate his lack of employment?  Maybe wait for a time where you are calm and be rational yourself and he is more accepting of your concerns.  Timing is everything in these situations.

Hoping it all works out!