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Can ED be caused by Anxiety about wife trying to get pregnant?
I was wondering if it is possible for ED to be caused in part by my anxiety over the fact that my wife is trying to get pregnant, even though Im not sure we are really financially ready to start a family?
Im a 31 year old guy, who's been married for almost 3 years to a beautiful, sweet 24 year old girl who I feel lucky to call my wife. Although we've always talked about looking at starting a family "about 3 to 5 years after getting married", my wife also wants to be a stay at home wife and quit her job once she gets pregnant, which is fine with me, but will require some creative financial planning on our part as well as some diligent payment of debts. We argued some back and forth last summer about whether it was time to start, with me continuing to have financial concerns and anxiety over whether or not Id be able to afford to maintain our current lifestyle on my salary alone, atleast until I get a few more of my annual raises at work. My wife was very impatient about wanting to start a family, and last year around Christmas, said that she had decided to stop taking birthcontrol after new years. I did not want to fight over it anymore at the time, so I said that I didnt object to her not taking birthcontrol if she didnt want to.
For the past six months or so, I have had alot of anxiety over this matter and I have found that I have a general loss of sexual appetite and that I seem to have developed what I might best described as psychological difficulty in getting and maintaining erections consistently, as well as difficulty getting to completion/ejaculating. I cannot think of anything else that this could be causing this ED suddenly, other than Fear of Pregnancy/Anxiety. I dont have any family history of ED that I know if, and I am in good overall health, and although my wife is a still a heavy chain smoker struggeling to overcome her two to three pack a day addiction, I have cut back tremendously and nearly entirely quit smoking, except for maybe indulging in the occasional cigarette or two once or twice a week. My financial Anxiety was only further compounded when I was involved in an auto-accident this spring, and although I had no physical injuries, I totaled my previously paid for car, and have since had to buy another car to get to work, adding a new car note to an already tight budget. My wife has attempted to be sympathetic about my "psychological ED", but she has been unyielding in her want to start a family now and to quit her job after becoming pregnant so she can become a stay at home mom like she has always dreamed of. In particular, as she becomes more and more concerned about her own fears of infertility, since she has been trying to get pregnant for six months without success, I dont want her to blame herself or become depressed over not having kids yet
So for my part, I have tried to keep her satisfied as best as I can, In some cases, I have resorted to pretending to have an orgasm when I am able to maintain an erection, so that she will not be mad at me.
My first question is whether or not other guys have had any similar kind of experience, and whether or not it is in fact possible to have "fear of pregnancy-Anxiety induced ED"? If so, what treatments are there?
My second question is, whether or not its OK that I try to look for the silver lining to this dark cloud of ED, in that it may serve as a "natural birth control" of sorts, possibly even for another year or two, until I feel more ready to shoulder all the financial burdens of raising a family on a single income?
Im a 31 year old guy, who's been married for almost 3 years to a beautiful, sweet 24 year old girl who I feel lucky to call my wife. Although we've always talked about looking at starting a family "about 3 to 5 years after getting married", my wife also wants to be a stay at home wife and quit her job once she gets pregnant, which is fine with me, but will require some creative financial planning on our part as well as some diligent payment of debts. We argued some back and forth last summer about whether it was time to start, with me continuing to have financial concerns and anxiety over whether or not Id be able to afford to maintain our current lifestyle on my salary alone, atleast until I get a few more of my annual raises at work. My wife was very impatient about wanting to start a family, and last year around Christmas, said that she had decided to stop taking birthcontrol after new years. I did not want to fight over it anymore at the time, so I said that I didnt object to her not taking birthcontrol if she didnt want to.
For the past six months or so, I have had alot of anxiety over this matter and I have found that I have a general loss of sexual appetite and that I seem to have developed what I might best described as psychological difficulty in getting and maintaining erections consistently, as well as difficulty getting to completion/ejaculating. I cannot think of anything else that this could be causing this ED suddenly, other than Fear of Pregnancy/Anxiety. I dont have any family history of ED that I know if, and I am in good overall health, and although my wife is a still a heavy chain smoker struggeling to overcome her two to three pack a day addiction, I have cut back tremendously and nearly entirely quit smoking, except for maybe indulging in the occasional cigarette or two once or twice a week. My financial Anxiety was only further compounded when I was involved in an auto-accident this spring, and although I had no physical injuries, I totaled my previously paid for car, and have since had to buy another car to get to work, adding a new car note to an already tight budget. My wife has attempted to be sympathetic about my "psychological ED", but she has been unyielding in her want to start a family now and to quit her job after becoming pregnant so she can become a stay at home mom like she has always dreamed of. In particular, as she becomes more and more concerned about her own fears of infertility, since she has been trying to get pregnant for six months without success, I dont want her to blame herself or become depressed over not having kids yet
So for my part, I have tried to keep her satisfied as best as I can, In some cases, I have resorted to pretending to have an orgasm when I am able to maintain an erection, so that she will not be mad at me.
My first question is whether or not other guys have had any similar kind of experience, and whether or not it is in fact possible to have "fear of pregnancy-Anxiety induced ED"? If so, what treatments are there?
My second question is, whether or not its OK that I try to look for the silver lining to this dark cloud of ED, in that it may serve as a "natural birth control" of sorts, possibly even for another year or two, until I feel more ready to shoulder all the financial burdens of raising a family on a single income?
I also responded on your other post. Anxiety over money, in this situation, would be a problem for anyone, not just someone who watched his mom struggle. Your wife simply has no right to be so unrealistic. You two need to write out a budget and get serious about it, and probably to talk to each other with a therapist's moderating effect so she will hear you about this. She simply can't unilaterally get pregnant and expect you to pay for everything, if you are in debt. I'd definitely use condoms if you do have sex, but frankly, would just turn away for now. She is asking one whale of a lot from you, and getting pregnant when a smoker is just wrong, so there is so much incorrect about what she is demanding at so many levels that I think you guys need to talk with a counselor.
I posted a rather lengthy answer to your post on another forum. Here it is:
ED is the least of your problems dear (((hug))). You need to have a heart to heart talk with your wife about your concerns. Show her your post. I personally don't think a child right now is a good idea and you will regret giving in under these circumstances.
Until BOTH people in a relationship are ready, willing and able (mentally, physically, emotionally and financially) to have a child, you should not do so. It will cause further strain on all of the above and down the road y'all will end up splitting (or being miserable and resenting each other). Neither is good for the child!!
I understand you not wanting to force her to take birth control...but that doesn't mean she can force you to become a parent when you are not ready (and she isn't either...until she completely quits smoking she is putting your child at risk of many complications-including DEATH (miscarriage). If she isn't willing to completely quit, she isn't ready to have a child).
Think of it this way, if you were the woman in this scenario and did not want to have a child right now...would it be fair for the man to insist? NO...and it doesn't change because in this case you are the man...it takes TWO to make and raise and child and you are totally within your rights to say no.
FYI, I was in a position similar to your wife. I wanted a child with my husband VERY, VERY MUCH. He wasn't ready. We are older so had the old biological clock issue to deal with...but I respected him enough to wait. This past Valentines Day his gift to me was a pair of baby shoes...his way of saying that he was ready to try. Our daughter is due Nov 15 and we are BOTH ecstatic and looking forward to her birth. It has totally been worth the wait...because our marriage is stronger this way than if I had unilaterally made the choice for us both.
Perhaps if your wife truly understands that "Not now" isn't the same as "No" she will agree to wait a little longer? You two could work together to develop a concrete plan of action to get your finances in order: i.e. all credit card debt must be paid off, total monthly debt (mortgage/rent, car payment, student loans...etc etc) equal no more than 40% of YOUR income.
Also, she has to have stopped smoking completely for 6 months (and that is 6 months from the time she stops any nicotine replacement products, not from the last cigarette) and she is healthy (weight in "normal" range, not overweight), blood pressure good, and taking prenatal vitamins (particularly folic acid) for at least 3 months.
If she isn't willing to wait, I'd say she is just too immature at this time...and if you give in, you will be raising TWO children...
and fyi, I think your ED may be God's way of saying "Not now"
ED is the least of your problems dear (((hug))). You need to have a heart to heart talk with your wife about your concerns. Show her your post. I personally don't think a child right now is a good idea and you will regret giving in under these circumstances.
Until BOTH people in a relationship are ready, willing and able (mentally, physically, emotionally and financially) to have a child, you should not do so. It will cause further strain on all of the above and down the road y'all will end up splitting (or being miserable and resenting each other). Neither is good for the child!!
I understand you not wanting to force her to take birth control...but that doesn't mean she can force you to become a parent when you are not ready (and she isn't either...until she completely quits smoking she is putting your child at risk of many complications-including DEATH (miscarriage). If she isn't willing to completely quit, she isn't ready to have a child).
Think of it this way, if you were the woman in this scenario and did not want to have a child right now...would it be fair for the man to insist? NO...and it doesn't change because in this case you are the man...it takes TWO to make and raise and child and you are totally within your rights to say no.
FYI, I was in a position similar to your wife. I wanted a child with my husband VERY, VERY MUCH. He wasn't ready. We are older so had the old biological clock issue to deal with...but I respected him enough to wait. This past Valentines Day his gift to me was a pair of baby shoes...his way of saying that he was ready to try. Our daughter is due Nov 15 and we are BOTH ecstatic and looking forward to her birth. It has totally been worth the wait...because our marriage is stronger this way than if I had unilaterally made the choice for us both.
Perhaps if your wife truly understands that "Not now" isn't the same as "No" she will agree to wait a little longer? You two could work together to develop a concrete plan of action to get your finances in order: i.e. all credit card debt must be paid off, total monthly debt (mortgage/rent, car payment, student loans...etc etc) equal no more than 40% of YOUR income.
Also, she has to have stopped smoking completely for 6 months (and that is 6 months from the time she stops any nicotine replacement products, not from the last cigarette) and she is healthy (weight in "normal" range, not overweight), blood pressure good, and taking prenatal vitamins (particularly folic acid) for at least 3 months.
If she isn't willing to wait, I'd say she is just too immature at this time...and if you give in, you will be raising TWO children...
and fyi, I think your ED may be God's way of saying "Not now"
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