Sexual disfunction

[md939]

Hello,
I don't understand what is going on with my boyfriend. We have been together about a year, and we were friend before we began dating. The initial months of our intimate relationship were passionate although he always seemed to focus more on me during sex and sometimes was content to simply "take care" of me. We stopped having sex entirely about six months ago. He is a health, active, fit, thirty six year old male who has assured me that he loves me and wants me. He has been finishing his degree for the the past six months and tells me that he was just too busy to think about sex. I initially thought he was cheating and me and have found that isn't the case. He doesn't really ever wake up with an erection. I have tried talking to him about it. I have cried, been rational, and also pleaded. I feel hurt, scorned, and shut out. I love him, and do not want our relationship to end, it is perfect for me in every way besides this one, but its a big issue.  I have considered every possible scenario and explanation,  but I don't know what to do. I am smart, pretty, accomplished, fit, and well built. I have thought that possibly he isn't attracted to me, but I don't think that is the case. I am exasperated with the situation, I can only imagine how he feels and I don't know what to do

[blabhamilton]

On the tooth part I talked with a dentisted because I have a tooth that has cracked and he told me that there is a tooth repair kit at walmart it will by you some time. also rinse his mouth out with warm salt water. and for the infection, a amoxicillin works great. thats what I have to use before I get any dental work done. the repair kit is easy to do at home and only costs about 4 dollars. hope this helps

[blabhamilton]

Hey no stealing idea's lol. but it was well written. my husband, had the problem and for years put it off to being a side effect of his tumor. we just celabrated 19 yrs clean. but it was also a few other things. blood flow, hormones, and the nerve damage that was done 19yrs ago. thanks for your post.

[md939]

Hey there. People have suggested all sorts of different possibilities to me...it could be something as simple as high blood pressure. It seems like the smartest thing he can do is see a doctor(one that listens to him) and have a full hormone panel, blood test, and blood pressure/cholesterol/diabetes. It seems like the best thing you can do is be supportive and let him know your there for him and will keep trying. It may be a combination of problems-psychological and physical.

[md939]

Thank you everyone for your suggestions and information. To answer one of the previous inquiries...no there is relatively little "lower lever" intimacy. He hugs me and gives me quick kisses on the mouth, but that is all. He has a tooth(crown) that has started to break apart and needs to be fixed, so he says he feels like there is a bacteria infestation in his mouth. He won't "make out" with me. I have a feeling he won't touch me or kiss me because he is afraid of where it will lead and I will expect more and he is frightened of not being able to deliver. At this point a little affection and intimacy would go along way. As to some of the other suggestions one of the issues is a lack of insurance. He has just finished school and is probably starting his PhD. I don't know what to say to convince him to go to the doctor or if he will even go. He will probably say that it its too expensive. I don't know. I have tried talking to him and he just says that he barely thinks about sex because he is busy. I might believe that if he woke up with an erection, but that leads me to believe the issue is medical.

[Italgurl]

Thank you for this post! I joined last night and our situations seem very similar.

Here is my situation:

My boyfriend and I fooled around for a long time before we had sex... There were times where he was successful and times where he wasn't. When we started having sex, it seemed as though that there were more unsuccessful experiences. So, he has gone to multiple Dr.'s, trying to cure "something" Last night, I suggested that he may want to see a urologist. He is aware of the problem... He is an anxious and nervous person. So, on top of the "problem", I think it is a psychological problem too.

He is divorced and last night, me mentioned that this was "the stone that broke the vase in my marriage." So, clearly this has taken a toll on his mind and body...

My question to this forum is.... how can I relax him and touch him and help him to get the blood flowing...

Thanks

[leoneed]

"He doesn't wake up with an erection". My guess is that he's having erection problems which are not psychogenic because if they were, he must at least wake up with an erection. From here on out, the solution (BTW, the below are my first-hand experience with erectile dysfunction)
1. The first block in such a situation is to reach to him and talk to him about it. I'm sure that he loves you very much cause he wants to satisfy you regardless. I can't help you here on how but you have to find a way to talk to him. maybe other posters can help you here.
2. find a good doctor. much easier said than done. when I developed ED, I went from one doc to another, one uro to another, one endo to another. I would say start with a urologist. he most probably run rigidity scan, nocturnal tumescence test, or doppler ultrasound or whatever he sees fit.
3. BE SURE TO RUN A FULL HORMONAL PANEL (adrenals, thyroid, sex hormones):
lh
fsh
testosterone
free/bioavailable testosterone
estradiol NOT ESTROGEN (preferably the sensitive assay which is for men not women)
dht
shbg

tsh
t3
t4
free t3
free t4
reverse t3

cotisol serum 8am
cortsiol saliva 24hr
dhea
pregnenolone
progesterone


vitamin d (25 oh)
fasting glucose
glucose (2 hr)
lipid profile
liver panel

4. now the reason why i separated stage 2 and 3 is that i don't know anything about stage 2 because that's a Uro's job and they are USUALLY good for this stage BUT when it comes to hormones, uros and endos are usually incompetent. I learned this the hardway.
I developed ED 10 years ago when i was 17. I didn't care for some years until it became full-blown impotence. then in my early 20's i went from one MD to another to be told that it's all in my head. i began my online quest to find a cure for this curse. and i found ome online forums and guess what! there were guys that knew just so much about hormones and they were all complaining about their undiagnosed hormonal problems by endos or uros. after lots of reading and doing a lot of bloodwork, I found that i had hormonal issues (adrenal, thyroid and sex hormones). then I found a doctor who was a good listener and really helped me out. now all this hardwork has paid off, and i'm much better than i was before.as a case in point, all doctors said that my testeosterone level of 390 on a scale of 300-800 was fine but this a testosterone level for an 80 year old not a person my age. if a number is within reference range, they just dismiss it as being normal because they don't know better. but remember if a test result is within normal reference range that doesn't mean anything. now my suggestion is that after/if you get your significant other to run the blood tests, post them online on one of the good hormone forums. preferably there is one that the guys in there are very knowledgeable about hormonal issues since they have been on hormone replacement therapy for years. google muscle chat room all things male the first web address is the one or you can  post them on other ones that seem good. do not trust all doctors blindly as a case in point finastride (propecia) is being prescribed unsparingly by dermetalogists and urologists. now check out bbc dot co dot uk/go/rss/int/news/-/newsbeat/12040303    

[tkd4u2]

Not quite sure why he just wants to 'satisfy you' and not himself unless of course he does have some issues and doesn't want to address them. Or he just doesn't know and that is keeping him from them.
I know from personal experience working full time and school full time I was literally exhausted every day so there wasn't energy for sex. But then found I had low testosterone so that may have been the problem all along. As a guy I wasn't ashamed that I had a problem it needed to be fixed. I am more than happy now to say that taking injections for my low T has made all the difference in the world. You might want to talk with him about this.
If it is low testosterone it'll only get worse believe me.

[blabhamilton]

Ok I'm sorry if I ask point blankly.  But I'm a blonde with no sleep. lol.  ok is it that he has trouble getting Hard?  has he maybe had his blood pressure checked? really strange I know. and does he have thick blood? and for a guy they don't like to admit they might need help with a problem like this. its okay. just show him that you love him.