I broke up with my beautiful girlfriend for about 2 months over lying/trust issues. We both had miserable times apart and she called urging me to reconsider (she was the one lying and I was very upset and disappointed with her). We decided to hang out and had a great time and decided to get back together. We went out eating and drinking. I am not an experienced drinker but I had 2 tall glasses of vodka with orange juice, and 2 raw shots all within 90 minutes.
When we went home, we kissed and foreplayed for a while and I became very aroused. Just the thought of this girl usually gives me a hard on. After more kissing and feeling me very excited and hard, she took my hand and led me to the bedroom. As I was readying to penetrate, I totally lost the erection for the 1st time in my life. I was petrified and she was very disappointed and thought it was her fault. I reassured her that it was probably the alcohol as this never happened before even with girls I wasn't even attracted to.
I kept thinking about it every second of everyday and a week later, after another attempt, I failed at it again and this time, there was no erection at all.
I got very frustrated and my understanding is that it's psychological. For unrelated reasons, we had arguments and stopped talking again.
Today, with the frustrations compounding and with no feeling in my penis, I decided to go to a local bar and picked up a random girl. I didn't drink this time and brought the girl home. We made out and when she gave me oral sex, my penis finally responded but I noticed it wasn't the optimum erection (about 80%). As I was about to penetrate, I lost some more feelings and it was only half erect but enough to complete the deed.
Now, as I think about my girl and imagine her naked, it's not giving me any feelings. A few weeks ago, just the thought of her got me an erection.
I have no idea how to fix this and I know some people would just say "relax" but it's easier said than done.
Also, seeing a doctor isn't an option as they are very expensive around here and I don't have insurance.
Please advise.