Womans view, ed, and trying to have a baby..frustrated and sad, help!

[RangersWife]

I'm new here and I'm in need of some help and advice.  I'm sad and frustrated.  This is the womans point of view here and idk what to do or where to post cause I also posted under trying to concieve.  I'm a 28 year old mother of two from previous relationships engaged to a 44 year old father of one from a previous marriage.  We are such a perfect match and so very happy together but are starting to get frustrated in one aspect...sex and trying to get pregnant.  We really REALLY want a baby from "us"...soo badly.  I have gastroparesis and have had two rounds of cancer including kidney cancer and cervical cancer.  I'm in remission from both but the cervical cancer can come back at anytime and I'm  watched carefully for it so we want to have a baby as soon as possible just incase, ya know?  I've never been with an older man...well not as far as 16 years apart in age.  The number doesn't bother me, I love and adore him...Call me stupid but I was starting to think there was something wrong with me...but this morning he appologised to me and admitted outoud that he thinks he has ed (erectile dysfuction)..sometimes we can't start or finish when we want to and its soooo frustrating.  Its been messing with my head cause I'm thinking whats wrong with me that he can't finish...its been messing with my selfesteem and we want a baby so bad.  He can get it up and we get going but if the slightest thing happens its over...an alarm, cell phone going off, wrong rythm toward the end anything and he goes lymp.  He appologises to me this morning.."I think i have ed and there is so much in my head...is it pleasurable to you and then trying to have our baby".  Then I'm feeling down and both sexually frustrated...then he needs release and the only way to do this since it can't be done vaginally is oral sex which i don't mind doing but i'm aggrivated with it right now and yeah i can get him off that way but then in my head i'm pissed off cause it seems like a waste in my mouth...thats not where I need it to get a baby...so then its just a chore and i'm bitter cause if he can get off that way why can't he the other way...and honestly i just want to cry.  I'm trying to be supportive and not let on that i'm frustrated with it, but I don't get it, i'm sad, and frustrated and if anyone has any kind of advice for me I'd love to hear it...thanks

[jr_inmex]

Somewhat odd that he can get hard enough to start sex but any little thing ruins the mood (that can be fixed though - turn OFF the phones, etc).  Sounds like he's just not getting excited enough to finish.  Might take some 'nasty girl talk' during sex - I definitely don't think the opposite tack will work ("you have to finish now or we can't have the baby we both want" - too much pressure, and not a turn on.  On the ED front, you might order the smallest amount of generic Viagra on line, if he does not want to visit a doctor.  And just take a little (25mg), too much can make it even tougher to finish.  Where there's a will, there's a way.  

[RangersWife]

We have only been together and newly wed within the past 6 mnths.  He said he would get checked out but it just came up this morning.  (i took the well doesn't that also have something to do with possible heart or bloodpressure problems and i want him well approch because we where still in bed and its "touchy").  He was the one who brought up having another baby first, now that my heart is in it 100% its just hard.  After having cervical cancer I was kinda prepairing for the fact it may not happen, but now is a good time.  I hope I can get him to go get checked out soon...but its very frustrating for me.  Expecially the oral sex thing...its making me bitter in a way...and its sooo soon to be taking the fun out of it as you also said...its also made me depressed..though he does reciprocate thats not what I want...then hate to admit it...I try to enjoy, but sometimes end up faking just to be done with it.  Its sad...that and i'm sneaking around asking for help and advice when he seems to be acting "normal"...have tried twice tonight to get things started, so far no luck. : (  Thank you quackie for posting a response...it really ment a lot to me.  I'd love to hear back from you and Id like a males point of view as well.  Thank you so very, very much.  I'll just keep trying and praying...seems its all I can do for now.

[quackie]

I totally hear you and sympathise with your situation.
A few questions: how long has this problem been apparent? Does your husband say he will seek treatment? Are you absolutely sure he has no reservations about having a baby with you?
If he just admitted this morning that he thinks he has a problem I guess it might take a little while for him to seek help. It must be so incredibly upsetting and confusing for you, knowing that you can get him off orally, but as you say that is not how you will get pregnant. Maybe now that he has admitted there is a problem give him a week or two to figure out he needs help to solve the problem.
My man admitted to me four yrs ago that he has had this problem all his sexual life - 30 yrs - yet he still has not sought help. It is very frustrating and I do not have your added pressure of trying to conceive a lovely baby soon. I really feel for you. As I said in an earlier posting, it is so frustrating for women when their men do not get help for this problem. I really feel that they would not be as patient with us if we were unable to be sexual with them when they want it. My man also can get off with oral but I am tired of using what should be a treat as a fall back option. There is no fun  in it any more. And of course he does not reciprocate at the same time!

It would be great to hear from more men here, who have experienced this problem. I would love to understand why they do not seek help, and how they think their women feel about it.

In the meantime, RangersWife, I wish you all the best and I will be thinking about you, your man, and your baby-to-be.