Am I too young for a baby?

[kay221]

I'm 20 yrs old and I was wondering what are your opinions about what is a good age for a baby? I also have epilepsy and take meds for that along with folic acid to prevent against birth defects. Sometimes I worry that I have decreased fertility and a higher risk for birth defects. Im afraid that if I wait too long my risks for defects and infertility will just increase as the years go by. Ive had a steady b/f for 5 yrs and am almost done with school. What do you think?

Im mature and responsible for my age too.

[gokuangel]

i agree as well only you can decide!! My SIL had her kids at 17 and 19 (shes 21 now) and for now shes done (but only for the moment im sure) i personally thinks shes waaaaaaay too young to take on so much but its not my decision!! You and your BF have to decide what you want to do b4 the baby comes, what things do you need to accomplish first, what things must you absoulutely have to have and need b4 you become prego? My and my DH are going up and down and up and down with this.  We got married when i was 25 (im 27 now) and we just arent quite there yet, we just moved and our home needs to be settled and we would like to go on a vacation (something neither of us have ever done b4) i want at least the basics like furniture bought b4 i become prego so 4 us we are waiting a couple more years but its all up to and what you and your BF decided on!! GL!!

[LisaRG]

I also think that whenever possible, a baby should be raised by 2 loving parents.  It shows them how 2 people can compromise and deal with life challenges and support each other.
I don't want to tell you your to young, just that you the ideal situation would be to have  2 committed people involved in your babies /child's life.
I also realise some women and men suffer losses and there cannot always be two parents.  That is a very tough road to travel.
whatever you choose, you sound like a loving thoughtful person.
I have a friend who has epilepsy and it came out full force with her first pregnancy.  She had to be on medication and monitored the entire 9 months.  She had a healthy DD.
She was only 27 when she had her girl and she had been pregnant 2 times since then,  It doesn not seem that epilepsy has caused her any fertility issues.  She just got pregnant again for a 3rd time because she bbd the day she had a LH surge just for the heck of it.  She is very fertile.
Best of luck,
Lisa

[lmcrt]

Don't take my opinion to heart but I can't imagine that a girl at your age that is not done with school and is not married should be thinking about getting pregnant yet. You have so much life to live before settleing down in the mommy world. Have fun, travel, go to the bars hang out with friends. Things can change so much from when you are 20 to when you are 25 and older. You don;t want to regret not living your life. There are so many advancments to getting pregnant I wouldn;t worry about that it will happen when you are ready. Just remember A baby needs stability which would idealy include a home and money and married parents. Really Babys take alot of money and time so just think about it.

[dramababy]

I think you should talk to your Dr. first but if you gives you the OK to ttc then i would go for it if thats whats in your heart! Age is just a number and if you feel mature and feel that its what God wants you to do then i would go for it! Have you and your b/f talked about marriage? the reason im wondering is because i feel that its important to know your partner is 100% devoted to you so he will be devoted and there for your baby. Good luck and God bless!

[kay221]

Yeah I heard there is a decreased fertility with epilepsy. I just dont know exactly to what extent. Ill need to check that out too.

[40smama]

I too have epilepsy.  I don't know what meds you're taking to control it or what kind of epilepsy you have.  I've never heard of decreased fertility w/epilepsy though.  I would consult your dr about that & your irregular periods if you're truly wanting to get pregnant.

About the age - I was 19 when I first got pregnant (it ended in m/c) and 21 w/the 2nd.  It was a hard road to go but I got to raise a wonderful little boy who turned out to be an awesome man (he's now 24).  

Helen's right - only you and your bf can decide what the right time is for you.  Make sure you're healthy - that's the first step & you'll be well on your way - good luck!

[kikicoates78]

Well there are children to older adults that are "out of control" It is just bad parenting, and unfortunately age dosen't have all that much to do with it, maturity level maybe, but not nessacarily (sp) age. I was 15 when I had my first, he is now 14 and he is an acceptional student, and athlete! So that shows ya that young moms can do somthing right.

I would suggest though that you and your DB be on the same page, young relationships are put through lots of tests without babies, add that onto the mix and it can be tough on a relationship. I do hope for you the best dear! Your heart will let you know the perfect time.

[dnikki0928]

Kay: You're always welcome on here, and I don't think you will ever be judged :-) This is what we are here for...
Like Helen said, only you and your b/f can decide if you are BOTH ready to become parents. Understand the new life and responsibilities that will take place, and most important you and your b/f need to go to your doc to make sure you are on top of your health and then discuss any concerns...

Good luck and let us know!

[kay221]

Ill need to talk to my dr. I def. hope everything goes well. I think I can be a good mom but I think my b/f is a bit scared to be a parent just because he has family members who had kids young (unplanned) and they are out of control (lack of discipline). We'll work it out. I do have to say that I get uncomftorable talking to people about this. I get the feeling that they either think Im crazy for wanting to have kids or dont take me seriously or something. Especially from older adults.

[Helen72]

If you think you have serious fertility problems, talk to your dr.  There are many reasons for irregular periods and most of those are treatable.  If you feel ready to have a baby that means you can afford good medical care.  Seek professional advice from your ob or even RE (infertility specialist) if necessary.  

[SoCalTricia]

Like Helen said, I'd talk to your doctor first before you decide to get pregnant just to make sure you have all your ducks in a row as far as your health goes. I also agree with Helen in that only you can decide if you're ready for a baby. I have a few friends and relatives who have had children at 19 and 20, and they are fantastic parents and their children have thrived. My cousin's wife was 19 when their twins were born...the boys are 18 now, graduated 3rd and 5th in their high school class, are exceptional athletes and are now attending a prestigious college on scholarships. They obviously did not suffer from having a young mother! Anyway...you have to decide if you are in the place - emotionally, financially, etc. - to become a parent. Whatever you decide, good luck!

Tricia

[kay221]

I know that epileptics are slightly less fertile but Ive also had irregular periods for as long as I can remember. On top of it, there have been times where I feel me and my b/f shouldve gotten pregnant but didnt. I really want to have children. Rather young than never

[Helen72]

Only you can decide whether you are ready to have and support a child.  You should talk to your ob about effects of epilepsy on fertility.
Good luck!