How many years TTC before donor eggs/adoption?

[rene67]

I'm 40 and been TTC for 2 /12 years, but only 3 m/c to show for it.  I'm going to TTC again, but feel this year may be it for me, particularly if (God forbid) another m/c.

If it comes down to donor eggs, I may start looking at private adoption.  I think I would be successful w/donor eggs, but feel sort of uncomfortable with that.  How long did others wait until "giving up" and going w/donor or adoption?  I don't mean to say either is a bad idea, but am frustrated by the TTC game and so want it to end, but with a baby.  Whether one with all our genes, just my husband's or neither, just not sure.  

[rene67]

Thanks for the comments.  I'm sure I would feel the baby was mine once implanted, and could find a donor with similar makeup so no one would know.  Just hoping I have at least one last shot with my own eggs.

Congrats on the transer, I so hope it works for you.  I know your chances are very good.

[rene67]

LisaRG made the comment about baby being biologically yours, so not sure what she meant exactly.  I think she means your body biologically supports, carries and births the baby.  But genetically, no, its not related to you, just your partner (unless you use donor sperm too).

[elizabeth250]

I'm 43 and had 2 m/c prior.  My expenses were running out and my doctor tol me, because I have no problem getting pregnant, it's probably my eggs are getting old and can't make it.  I didn't even question him and found a donor that same day.  I had a lot of negative thoughts of this not being my egg, therefore not my child, but I will tell you, as soon as I had the transfer these embies were MINE.  I'm waiting for my blood test which is the 30th, but I feel like these two are implating and I'm excited about being a MOM.  To me it's not the same as adoption, but that is to me.  You can pick a donor that looks identical to yourself and no one will know the difference.  I even choose one that has the same medical history as my family.  Good luck with your choice.  My doctor gave me a 90% chance with one and a 50% chance with 2.  I used a 20 year olds eggs, and I have  2 embies growing in me and 4 frozen.  

[babyhope1]

I am confused, how is the baby biologically yours if you carry it (from a donor egg) Perhaps I don't understand the donor egg process.

[LisaRG]

Also your 1st time success rate is 70%.  Pretty high.

[LisaRG]

I had my first IVF consultation today.  I am 44 and want another baby.  I have a 3 year old conceived naturally.
My doctor mentioned donor eggs as well.  He reminded me that although the baby's genetics will only be your dh, you will still carry the baby and it will be yours biologically.
I am keeping that in the back of my mind.

[andykk]

So sorry to read about your situation. I have used donor eggs (didn't look at it as "giving up", though) I looked at it as an option that had been given to us to help us achieve the one thing that we wanted most...and to be successful at that. I was in a weird situation, having conceived on my own (after ttc for 2 years) having a successful pg and a healthy baby boy, then when ttc again...nothing. So we did 6 IUI's, and moved on to IVF since there was nothing pointing to why we were having fertility issues (all b/w fine, dh tests fine, tubes fine, had a baby...etc) so after doing t2 failed IVF (I was 32, embies didn't even make it to day 5) we found out that my eggs were bad, bad (so first child, truly a miracle) When our doc suggested donor I was in shock, really hadn't much thought of that option, although in our situation adoption wasn't possible due to dh in the military and deployed so often. I felt we had exhausted other options, was fully emotionally and physically exhausted (and getting financially exhausted, too!) but we truly, truly wanted another child. My dh didn't think anything of it as far as genetics go, which really was awesome. It seemed a bit "weird", but after I really though about it it seemed like the best solution. I didn't feel I had to be pregnant again (I was extremely lucky to have been pg before) but I was looking forward to that. We were able to find a donor through our clinic matching my profile as close as possible, with extensive screening on all ends. My doc told me to try to think of it this way....she was providing the "framework" and we would be putting everything into this process to make it a "home" (i know, silly analogy, but one that has stuck w/ me!) Now, we have the most wonderful 2 year old possible that I can't imagine life without, and he wouldn't be exactly who he is with what he is "made up of". And it is amazing how much he looks like our other son! Dh def has the dominant genes! I know docs suggest donor very quickly, but I truly believe they have our best interest at heart. They know how hard all of this is, and want us to be successful.
Good luck with whatever you choose to do. Looking into all options is terrific, and truly...follow your instincts....you can't go wrong!

[rene67]

Thanks babyhope.  I'm not at that point yet, but as you know, as TTC gets more and more frustrating (and in my case heartbreaking after 3 m/c), you start to think what if I can't have a baby, why am I spending so much energy on this, etc.  I really need to just wait and see what this year brings.  DH and I have not discussed other options yet (he is still very confident that we will have a baby to term), but I think he is more likely to want donor vs. adoption.  I was so ready to stop after 3 m/c, on the other hand think I may regret if I don't try at least once more.

Let's just hope we both get our BFPs (and babies) soon!  

[babyhope1]

I don't have any experience with that but I understand adoption has crossed my mind a lot lately.  I have been TTC for 20 months, I am 31.  Donor egg is like adopting but you are prego, I would have mixed emotions too.  What does your hubbie feel about that?  If he wants a genetic child then I would go for it, otherwise I would adopt. Think of every option, put yourself in the situation and you will know what is right, its what feels right to you.