I am not TTC anymore - Need to VENT...

[BabyBlue07]

Ladies,

Right now i have mixed emotion.  I do not know what to think or how to feel...  Mad at my DH and mad at the world.  Mad at ppls who are pregnant.   I am thinking why not me.  Sorry to all the ladies in this forum who are pregnant. Please understand that I didn't mean anything.  I just the feeling so down and un able to control my mind what to think.  deep down in my heart, I am very happy for you

I have been TTC since 07/07 and since then i have no luck with this.  Earlier I called my DH and told him tonight we will BD since today is my CD12 and I have OPK+  and he agree to that. I told him not only for tonight, but friday night and sunday night to be sure.  He said "don't really need to BD that much".  I told him if you want baby, We have to BD at least every other day.  He said 'no' and told me 'actually i really don't want baby.  think about 18 years taking care of the kid.  we can enjoy travel and so on..."  I got mad and told him 'since when did you think that way and when did you ever take me go anywhere for vacation?"  "I want to have baby because of you and because we want to build a family.  If you said that, then forget it.  I don't want to have baby especially it's from you". and "don't you ever think about to touch me when you want it" . I was frustrated and mad at him so I said that.  

I am feeling down and sad right now.  I cried at my desk and don't want people see why did I cried.  right now I do not want to do anything.  I think it's the best for now.  I am tired of trying, tired of begging him BD each cycle, and so on... I sometimes feel cheap and low to beg him for SEX.  I told him straight out I don't want sex anymore and i will not beg him for that anymore.  I am through......with everything

Ladies, tell you the truth... I didn't mean anything of that.  Just because he so unreasonable and now told me he doesn't want baby.  It's crush me more.  Now if I see him face to face, I don't want to look at him, don't want to have anything to do with him.  My feeling for him just die and part of me hating him so much the way he said that to me.  Ladies, I am writing this note here and my eyes have tears.  Gosh, I hate this feeling.  It's depressing me....

Thanks for listening to my problem.... It's does feel little better when I can let the feeling out.....

SSBD to all

[FaithNHim]

I know that this can be very emotional and draining. One friend on this site encouraged me to take time by myself for a day or weekend and gather my thoughts. You sound as if you need some of that "alone" time as well so that you can start the healing process for yourself. When we as women go through th emotional rollercoaster of trying to conceive, some of our DH's seem s if they are not as invested in the process. I do not think that is the actual truth. They may be hurting just as much as we are and unable to express their feelings verbally so they lash out in an attempt to hide their own feelings of frustration, disappointment, the inability to make it work, etc.

It is natural for you to feel the way you do because of what happened and what was said. Do not rush into anything right now. You are making the right decision to stay still and re-evaluate the entire situation.

Just remember that you both have to communicate and express how you are feeling in order for it to work. My DH retreated within himself after each failed IVF cycle. He so desires to have a child of his own that he hated the fact that he cold not make it happen for both of us, not realizing that he dd not have any control over the situation.

Stay encouraged and I hope all works out for you and DH.

[mommyin10]

Babyblue, I'm so sorry ! :(  I can feel your pain through your words & I'm just so sorry you're so sad !  I agree with luvkayln, though.  I'm sure your dh is stressed, too & doesn't quite know how to express it.  It's probably hard for him to see you so sad & it's not easy when ttc becomes more of a chore. That happens with a lot of couples.  Maybe the "traveling" remark was just his way of trying to put your thoughts somewhere else?  I don't know.  I know it backfired big time, but I'm glad you have this forum to vent & maybe by the time you are home together, you'll both have cooled down.  This is such an emotional journey & I just wish you my best!  Take care :)

[BabyBlue07]

Thanks for listen to my problem.  i do appreciate for all the thoughts and advice.

God bless you all

SSBD to all

[TrishV72]

Please do not give up.  Just relax and do not count the days just go with the flow and it will happen.  4 of my friends (40,42,37 and 37) all got preggo by just BD when they felt like it, when the stress and presure were less.  It will happen!  I'm sorry for all the stress you are feeling

[candie429]

Lots of hugs for you!  I am so sorry for what is happening with you.  We have been TTC for 2 years now and I know that we, along with every other person out there who is struggling with TTC I'm sure, has had our moments when it feels like everything is crashing down around you.  Like the others have said, I really think that your DH is just feeling the same emotions as you are, but he just isn't sure how to deal with it.  I think guys are made to feel like they have to be the strong ones and keep their feelings to themselves, but in reality, they are affected just as much as we are throughout this journey.  I'm sure that part of it is that he knows how upset you are and he hates to see you that way.  There is so much stress and emotion wrapped up in this journey and it's important to not let it get in the way of your marriage.  I think that instead of just giving up completely, you guys really need to maybe just take a break (even if it's only for a month or two) and try to remember why you got married in the first place and how much you really love one another.  Maybe try to do something special together, like take a weekend trip.  All we can do is have faith that we will blessed one day with the answer to our prayers.  I hope you feel better and feel free to write anytime you need us.  Take care.

[anne72]

Firstly i'm so sorry your going through this torment. When my hubby and i went for our first appointment with the new re he told us to try to understand each other as much as possible. He said men don't feel as strongly as women about having babies. I have found this to be true so many times. My hubby says he wants to have a child but would be fine if it didn't happen, he also feels so bad because i have to go through all of the treatments .he doesn't like needles but when we were doing ivf he had to deal with it and just give them to me( i think often he enjoyed it:) He has also said similar things to me about travel, i really think it's there way of taking our mind off of things. This is him trying to protect you. All i can say is , take time to think about it and approach it when you are calmer explain to him you understand what he is trying to do.Good luck

[wanting4#1]

Oh BabyBlue - I am so sorry!  I know exactly how you feel! I can think of the number of nights that I thought I would just ignore him and then I would start crying knowing that we were missing our window and being so mad that I wanted to just punch a wall or something!

I just want you to know that I understand and what you are feeling is perfectly normal and this is the best place in the world to vent because we do understand and can be here for you!

You are always such a beacon of hope and positive thoughts for everyone on this site! Please indulge yourself during this time - pamper yourself, spoil yourself - whatever you want, do!  I find that it helps me to do that once in awhile!!

I am sending positive vibes your way!!!

Lisa

[fifi blue]

I'm really sorry that you're going through this. TTC is so frustating, hopefully that's all this is, a whole lot of pent up frustation.  I'm sure your dh didn't mean a word of what he said.  Hang in there and stay strong.

[miky72]

I'm very sorry about this whole thing,and I can understan how frustrated you must be right now.
Go ahead and vent we are here for you.
But take a deep breath and think that you are both under such a big pressure that sometimes you say things you do not mean.maybe he is under pressure to have to BD every time the OPK say so.Its something very common with men.
Try to put things together,I'm sure He is the one you want your baby with .
Hugs,
Miky

[Keyan]

I left you a message. Hope you get it.

[luvkayln]

I'm sure this is his way of dealing with TRYING to get pregnant, and it not happening as fast as you both would like it to. Men have a totally different way of expressing how they feel, it usually ends in an arguement b/c they don't express their feelings like we do. I'm sure he didn't mean what he said, about not wanting a baby. You have to remember that they get just as stressed as we do every month when we see that bfn. Don't give up on ttc, maybe just a little break from it is all you both need. I feel like if we try to hard at ttc'ing, it's just more stressful on us in the end. Maybe if we just relax a little more about it, our miracle will get here sooner then we expected. I'm sorry he's upset you, but i know you 2 will work it out. Don't let ttc get in the way of your marriage. I'm not saying don't try, of course keep trying. But maybe if you and dh sat down and talked about it, it wouldn't seem like a chore to have to have sex just for the sole purpose of making a baby. I think it puts a lot of pressure on our men too, when we make them feel like we're just having sex with them to make a baby, not make love. Ya know what i mean? Don't give up sweetie. I know you're upset right now, but once you both calm down, you'll work it out. I'm here if you need to talk. :)

[paranoidpatty]

I'm soooo sorry you're feeling this way! HUGZ!!  Go ahead and vent on because I can definitely relate.  Hopefully your DH may have been saying those things as if he didn't want it to make you not feel so bad about the struggle and maybe to relieve some of the stress.  My DH goes in and out of being eager to conceive and then having the attitude like if it happens, it happens.  

But just try to take a moment to breathe and not say anything about it to him right now until you calm down and have time to think.  This TTC battle is EXTRA hard and can cause stress on everybody, especially the DH.  You become a different person when you have this extra need to do everything possible under the sun to conceive.

I will keep you in my prayers for your strength and hope that you and DH can get through this and become even closer as a result.

Extra big HUG!!!

Trish