I'm sick of hearning this!

[ashort]

Okay so everybody is driving me CRAZY iwth this, "if you stopped stressing out about getting pregnant then it would happen" junk!!!  My dh keeps going on and on...not to mention other people.  I want to know has anybody had an RE say this too them?  Does stress really effect you chances of getting pregnant?  I think this is bullsh@t until I see some research to prove it...anybody have any answers???

[Helen72]

TTC may be relaxing the first year you try.  After that it's stressful and depressing every month AF shows up.  People on this forum take sometimes 3 different meds a day, orally and vaginally.  We go through all kinds of testing.  This week I am having a surgery just hoping to get some answers; how relaxing is that?  Many women on this forum had several laparoscopies!  What we go through is not relaxing.  Do whatever you can to achieve your BFP and listen to noone but your heart and your RE.

[ashleighnb]

Just like stress can cause your periods to be abnormal, stress can also effect your chances of getting prego. Your body needs to be relaxed and not tense and on edge.

[ashleighnb]

I also agree with Helen...I know its stressful but you have to try to surpress it as hard as it is.

[Baby Vol]

i hear ya ashort - i am OVER everyone telling me to relax! everyone sayin it to me HAS kids already.

[ashort]

To be honest it really hasn't been that long ttc for me.  I had a m/c in June waited for af for 14 weeks and this is the 3rd month we have been trying since.  I know I cannot do this for years.  It is soooo stressful and DH isn't wanting to do IUI.  He keeps saying that if I wasn't so stressed it would happen.  I don't believe that and the only way to make me not stressed is to be preg.  This is going to be my second month on clomid.  I just don't get why it didn't work last month.  I had such good follicles.  AHHHHH I don't know what to do!  I hate this but I thought maybe their was some truth behind not being able to conceive if stressed but I guess not, huh???  Good luck to you Helen. I hope your surgery is successful!

[ashort]

Thanks for the info girls!  I just don't see anything online about stress causing infertility...and my RE never mentioned that!!  

Baby Vol...a preg. girl told me this today too.  Right after she said, "My dh looked at me and I got preg.".....yeah thanks, right?

[pcarsey]

I do believe that stress has a very big factor in whether or not you get pregnant, BUT it has to be how you handle the stress also. When I started my family I wanted so much to have my children close together. I thought, okay my daughter turns 15 months and then we can try, that way my kids will be 2 years apart!  I was running a day care at my home then, caring for children with disabilities. VERY STRESSFUL-- Never got pregnant in a month, not two, nor six. A year went by and I thought what the hey? I am very fit, never was a problem at all to get pregnant with my daughter, (seriously, first time not using protection), Exercise regularly, WHAT IS MAKING ME INFERTILE??? I am the youngest of 10 (15 all together counting all the MC my mother had), Husband at the time was Oldest of 6, and I can't get pregnant? My dad breathed close to my mom and she was pregnant! This can not be happening to me!!!!! I went to see an RE, had every test under the sun ran on me and my husband. Nothing! Even had exploratory surgery, doc never found a dang thing. I was REALLY STRESSED!!! So needless to say 6 years later with no explanation as to why I was not getting pregnant, trying everything from every position under the sun to every prescription they could give me, I said to He!L with it, I give up!! Never thought about having a baby after that. Just assumed that I was blessed with one daughter and that would be all I would have.

3 months later, my niece comes to my house after school one day, 15 years old and she is crying, I'm like oh lord what is wrong, it can't be that bad." She says,"I'm pregnant and Mom and Dad are going to kill me." Well, I let her cry on my shoulder for a while and the whole time inside I was wanting to puke so bad because it made me sick!! It hurt like you would not believe! I was sick for 3 days after that. My DH comes in says why don't you take a pregnancy test? He took it upon himself to get me a HPT. I took it and sure enough I was pregnant.2 months!!  

So, do I think stress has something to do with not getting pregnant? Absolutely!! The second I gave up is when I got pregnant. I now have a 17 and a 10 year old.

Last husband and I got a divorce, re-married, got a TR in March, wasn't stressing at all over getting pregnant, and got pregnant right away!!!

Yes, try not to stress, not saying that is the blame, but in My opinion, very well could be!! It's all hormonal and you stress and it can affect it in my opinion.

Sending pregnancy vibes your way!!!!!! SDSBD to you!! I will keep you in my prayers.

Patty

[ashort]

Patty,
Thank you for your story!  I also got preg. like the second time we tried not using anything and now it's like I became a man or something.  It took so long to get af and every month I count the calendar and say, "if it's this month I will be due here"....It's almost like I wish everyday away.

Other than thinking about getting preg.  I am also a spec. ed. teacher.  I leave my house at 7:30 and most nights don't get home until after 7.  I just decided today to stop seeing one of my kids that I do homecare with b/c it's just more added stress.  I work with children with Autism after school it's rewarding but VERY tiring.  They are thinking about closing my school after this year...so my job is up in the air.  We are selling our house..talk about stress, huh?  

Thanks again for your story...it really made me think!

[pcarsey]

Your very welcome! I also know how frustrating it can get when you aren't getting pregnant and I have said numerous times, "I swear, if I hear another person tell me to stop thinking and stressing about getting pregnant I am going to SCREAM!!!!!!!" I really feel like they had some validity in telling me that!

I know what you are going through working with special ed, I did that also up until this year, My DH told me that if we were going to have a baby then I was NOT working with special needs kids. That hurt but I knew that he was right. When my contract ended in July I never re-applied. Now if the stress from have 24/7 morning sickness would just ease up!!

Please try to relax and maybe something will come!! I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers!!

[ashort]

Thanks again!  You must be so excited for your BFP but not the morning sickness...haha.  I hope you feel better soon!  Unfortuantely I can't quit working....b/c of bills and living in NY doesn't help.  I teach a 3rd grade inclusion class and also do homecare.  They money is awesome but it's just sooooo tiring.  I told my dh that I was letting go of some of my homecare hours.  If I do get preg. I will have to cut back.  I can't be running around like this....I just started acupuncture so hopefully that will help relax me.  Good luck to you!

[ms320]

I do believe that stress can add to fertility problems, but lets face it, desperately trying to have a baby is extremely stressful.  I can honestly say that it is the most stressful thing I have faced in my life.  I just feel so incomplete and defective that I can't stand it.  I do what I can to destress, but every month it is the same thing.  Wait for +OPK, TTC, TWW with hoping and praying, and finally the ultimate disappointment of AF. I can't relax, and people who haven't been through it don't get it.  For them BDing is all about the fun.  For us it is different.  It is mechanical (not to say that we don't enjoy it)  
I am fortunate that my job affords me a great deal of flexibility.  I am seriously considering going 2x a week for massage and acupuncture and see if that helps.
I am 43, my cycles have suddenly gone crazy, and I am scared to death that my opportunity has already passed me by.
So how am I supposed to relax and wait for it to happen?!!  I guess that's why I keep seeking refuge on this board.  Because you ladies really do understand, and are in a position to give real advise, lend and ear and be supportive

[Tanker Chic]

Oh Amen Sister!!  I had one friend that kept telling me as soon as I stop trying so hard it will happen.. I finally snapped one day and said "ttc is not the cause of infertility and if stopping ttc was all you had to do to get pregnant, what do we need all these fertility clinics for!!!!!"  People can be so ignorant!!

[ashort]

Good luck to you ms320.  I just started acupuncture last week and it was really relaxing!  I go again tomorrow.  I know how you feel about ttc...it seems like I write about my cd and when I get to o'ing I'm excited and this good follicles I'm even more excited and then have some symptoms and then AF!!!  Today was CD1 for me...Wednesday I go in for clomid and so on and so on....I hate this!!!  Even when I get preg. I'm going to be scared b/c of my m/c in June....I wish you the best!!  Try the acupuncture if nothing else it is a good 20 mins of peace!

[praying hard]

I read a really great book on dealing with infertility.  The author addressed these issues of people who can't keep their big mouths shut.  All the advice like:

-Have you tried this (a particular fertility treatment)?
-Just relax and it will happen
-Just start the adoption process and then you'll get pregnant

the list goes on and on, as I'm sure you know.

She had some great come backs to people who say these things.  Here are a few things she recommended....

To the "have you tried this" statement, you say:
"Thanks but I leave all the treatment suggestions to my RE...then DH and I decide what is best for us"

To the "relax and it will happen" you say:
"Do you realize that infertility is treated as a real medical condition?  While I'm sure relaxing does help, I am a patient of a doctor who is treating me for something that is medically wrong"

To the "just adopt, then you'll get pregnant" you say:
"While I'm sure you know of someone who adopted and then got pregnant, statisically speaking, adoption does NOT increase my fertility"

I have others if you ever need them....DH and I became very sensitive to people's comments and came up with a few of our own too!

Sorry this post was so long!

[ms320]

Thanks for those great responses.  What is ironic is that when others tell me to simply relax and wait, I get so angry that my stress level rises.  I think your way will be much more beneficial.

One more pet peave while I am up on my soap box.  Those caring people who look me in the eye and tell me it must be God's will.  What, God thinks I will be a lousy mother.  Do they not realize how insensitive that comment is.  Can you imagine saying that to a parent who loses a child to illness.  Why are people such absolute idiots when it comes to fertility.  I have never asked anyone for the answer as to why I am not pregnant, all I ask is for a little time to vent, and for them to give me the same support I have given to them in every crisis of their lives.

Wow, now I feel better. Thanks

[love1221]

I'm so sorry!  I have heard this several times also.  You and I know that's not how it works, but unfortunately other people don't understand that.  I'm sorry that you're having to go through all of this!  

[Wendy80]

I got the one about relaxing a couple weeks ago from a co-worker.  "Oh, you just need to relax and stop thinking about it"... and I believe in the same sentence I also got, "You'll get pregnant once you stop trying so hard".  Ok.. so here's the flaw with both of those "suggestions":  # 1) going on vacation or doing something else to otherwise relax me will NOT infact make my body ovulate (which was the main cause of my infertility)  and # 2) if I were to stop trying so hard, well.. do I really have to explain to you how it is that a man and a woman make a baby?.. if I stopped trying I don't think that's going to increase our odds of conceiving (and again, see problem # 1.. I need to inject/trigger to even ovulate... so it's a medical problem, it's not a mental problem that will fix itself if I just take a warm bubble bath and read a book).  I saw a funny shirt on this website that sort of applies to situations like these (cafepress.com/evilgeniusstore)... it reads:   "Wow, lucky me... infertility AND your stupid comments!"  

[kindergal]

My RE has on his "Lifestyle Suggestions" all kinds of things about stress.  He has his patients stop all intense aerobic exercise due to the large amount of stress hormones it releases.  He says to walk and do weights only.  Also on his list is to pray.  My dh and I are telling no one about all of this so fortunately,  I am not hearing anything from outsiders, but the stress within me is high.......

[Wendy80]

I got the "it must be God's will" speech once... I couldn't even respond, I was so hurt and dumbfounded.  I can look at the comments about relaxing as something that may or may not make sense (I think it's silly, but I can also see where other folks would have a different point of view about it).  But I don't see anything but a big ole slap in the face if someone tells you that it must be God's will... ms320, exactly what you said, it's like they're saying you'll be a bad mother and God knows it.  That's just awful.    

[ms320]

Again, that is why I am here. Because you all truly understand.  Thanks

Mary

[Diane1003]

A friend who has been TTC for over 2 years was told by her dr that one is more likely to have a heart attack than infertility problems b/c of stress.  I hate the, "Just relax" comments too!

[BabyBlue07]

here are the link about stress can cause infertilize

http://www.babycenter.ca/preconception/suspectingaproblem/stressaffectexpert/

http://www.babyhopes.com/articles/stressfertility.html

i hope this site will give you some ideas about how stress can cause you infertilize.  I hate ppls said, if you are stressfull, it's hard for you to conceive.  I am tired to hear that too, but it's all true because when we are stress, our AF irregular, our mentally not stable.  so YES, stress play a major role in our conceive.

Hope this help.

[vsentz]

Stress is bad for your body? YES, is it clinically and scientifically proven that it causes infertility?? HELL NO!
Sweetie, I know EXACTLY what you mean, and I have to desagree with the people that says it does indeed cause infertility... I was infertile, and guess what, NEVER! NOT ONCE! gave up, I refused to give up, I didn't relax, I didn't stop, I didn't practice yoga.... instead I went to seek PROFESSIONAL help, an RE... cuz all the stupid doctors would tell me 'oh, just wait a year!' 'oh, wait till the 3rd. MC happens and then we'll see'
F that!!!! you are not the one suffering A-hole!!!
so, I got my tests done and guess what! i had all kinds of **** in my uterus!! yep, not pretty for a fertilized egg to implant!
took care of it...

I am 14 weeks pregnant with a precious baby that brought all that tranquility to my heart and soul... now, NOTHING ELSE matters as much as him/er. NOTHING. He/she is THE LOVE OF MY LIFE by far, and for this little one i'd go thru it ALL over again without even hesitating.

So, here's my advise, go seek an RE, (i know you have it...;)) and THEN relax, when all is being taken care of... then you can think, well, i am waiting, or going thru this patiently and with peace in my heart that this is the best i could be doing to achieve my dream. Then! relax, not before. =)

Love ya girl... IT WILL HAPPEN for you, because you are a strong, determined woman that noone will bring down with comments like that!

[Lexima]

I specifically asked my RE if stress can have something to do with this whole infertility, and she really didn't think so.
I don't know what it is, but there are so many people with the same problem, my OB/GYN was telling me that in all the years that he's been practicing he's never seen so many problems.
I trust the facts and if everything medically is working and I'm responding to the meds, then I have to believe that this will happen, bec medically there is nothing that's prevening it.

I have another thing, although my DH is tyring to be supportive, I always hear from him that the reasong it's taking so long is because I don't excersize.  I think it's a complete BS, but also I hate excersizing.  I'm 5.2, 112lb (size 4-6), so I don't see a big deal in that.  He thinks if I excersized it would increased our chances.
Did anyone hear anything on how infertility relates to the lack of excersize?