Im so devestated!! I want to die!!!

[butterflybabies]

RE just called..2 of my eggs never fertilized and the 1 that did had an extra chromosone! RE said that looks like my egg quality is bad and that it wouldnt be worth going thru another IVF cycle..he said especially since I was on a high dosage of meds and only had 3 mature eggs...and that it would be a mircle if I ever got pregnant on my own.!! I am sitting here crying and absolutely beside myself..I know that there are other options such as egg donation and adoption but as a woman to hear that you will never produce your own children that hurts! My DH is at work and doesnt know yet and he so desperatly wants a baby...Insurance doesnt cover anything and I know egg donation is expensive...I dont know what we will do!!! Should I get a second opinion? OMG I am so hurt!!

[butterflybabies]

Still kinda depressed! Also my best friend just asked me to be her babies godmother...I dont know how I will get through that!! Ugh this *****!! I just want god to hear my prayers and stop testing me already so I can live a happy life!..

Someone once said to me recently that there is a heaven but hell is here on earth and we are living in hell and those who choose the right path and do good will go up to heaven when its there time and that others will just be stuck in between...After everything I have been through in my life and when I look at the lives of the people I know that really isnt a hard thing to believe...anyway hope I didnt strike a nerve about religion with anyone..I just needed to vent!!
Love,
Lily

[YogaChick]

Butterflybabies-- it sounds like you're doing better... thank goodness!

I wanted to echo Angel's comments... I've had some improvement since I started acupuncture & there is some legit research that shows it helps.  You could have a look at Randine Lewis' website... there may be some info there to help.  I haven't done the herbs but have had improvement with just the acupuncture.  I wouldn't  just do acupuncture though... keep seeing an RE too (perhaps a different one).

[angel1807]

I don't know if it will help, I know how devasted you must be.  We had been trying to concieve the first time for almost 6yrs, and went through all the usual routes and routine tests to no avail. (I know our situation is different as we were originally diagnosed 'unexplained' infertility), however I was recommended to see a chinese therapist and embarked on TCM (traditional chinese medicine) which is a variety of herbs and medicines that you boil and drink and acupuncture.  (this continued every 2 weeks) for about a year.  Although this wasn't a quick fix and can be quite costly, we then went ahead with IVF after the year and concieved with twins due to my egg quality being dramatically improved.  In actual fact we had 3 eggs that were the highest grade possible.  Unfortunately I went into premature labour at 23 weeks (we lost our little boy - but thats another story)  I just wanted to share part of our experience, look for alternatives and definately get second opinions.  We are now using the Creighton Model, which looks at trying to balance and put right anything that is not quite functioning properly (I am not sure without investigating - if this is a possibility for yourselves)  But please, please do not give up hope, our dreams do not always come to us in the way we expect.  My heartfelt prayers are with you, I will say a prayer to St Gerard and Padre Pio.  

[butterflybabies]

Yes I took Lupron the 1st time we did stims and this second time he put me on Micro Lupron and very low dosage....with all the meds out there I cant believe that there is nothing else he could've put me on to see how I responded to them..according to my RE there was nothing else that he thought of that would help me...
Lily

[Helen72]

Did you also take Lupron along with your stims?  Some women respond very poorly on Lupron.  Just a suggestion...

[butterflybabies]

Tbeards- we did icsi and we went thru with the IVF because this was the second time I was on meds..My 1st IVF attempt I was on lower dosage of meds and responded even worse and this time I was on higher dose and my RE said that he didnt think there was anything else they could do or give me to make me produce more mature eggs..he made it seem like everytime I tried I would produce small amounts...so we went ahead with it..
Helen-I thought it was bizarre to but he said it fertilized and ended up with an extra chromosone..Ugh who knows..Maybe I just had a bad month..I cant imagine that everytime I would try IVF that I would have the same response..and I dont understand how all my blood work shows I have good ovarien reserve and good quality eggs and then because these didnt work now they are bad?
Everyone- I am truley lucky to have great friends like all of you, Your support means the world to me. I will be calling another clinic soon and making an appointment right after thanksgiving I will keep you all posted..And thanks for the prayers I could use all that I can get!!!!
Love,
Lily

[miraclewisher]

I am very sorry you have to go through this... But I am with everyone who said try another doc and different protocol.  Not all women are the same and a different drug might just be right for you..  Please do not lose hope... Get a second and a third opinion before you even think about donors.  I shall be including you in my prayers, and I hope everything works out for you honey.. ((((HUGS))))

[tbeards]

I also forgot to mention that ICSI may be the way to go for you to increase fertilization rates. Also, I would look for a clinic that performs 5 day transfers of blastocysts.

~t

[tbeards]

I would definitely get a second opinion but before you pick another clinic, make sure you do some research on their statistics, you can find them at the following link by state: http://apps.nccd.cdc.gov/ART2005/clinics05.asp

If a clinic is not on the list, I would not go to them as they are required by the government to report their success rates. Another thing that may be happening is that your high dosage of meds could have resulted in few mature eggs because they didn't let the small follicles catch up. Lastly, scientists predict that 50% or more of all spontaneous abortions are a result of possible chromosomal abnormalities, which basically means that every female will have eggs with chromosomal abnormalities. I am actually surprised they didn't cancel your cycle since they should have seen that there were few mature follicles.

Good luck and please keep me posted,

~t

[beth0414]

im sorry for another disappoinment..just want you to know that your not alone..as for me 6yrs ttc but always failing...im not loosing my hope..even though at times i want to give up also..but then ive realized thats  a normal reaction..but pls stand up and keep on trying and trying and trying i believe you can do it also..God will make a way when we seems to be no way..He is just working in ways we cant see, pls be patient ok..were all here to cheer up each other..you may never know after those failure days..baby dust will come our way..maybe God is just testing our faith..just trusts his heart ok..pls kep us posted..Godbless on your next journey..look for anothe specialists..there is no harm in trying..just what were doing right now..Be positive ok..

[Helen72]

How could they know there was an extra chromosome without preimplantation genetic testing?  Perhaps it just fetilized abnormaly?

[butterflybabies]

I was just thinking about all of this and wanted to know what you guys thought! If my egg that did fertilize had an extra chromosone dont you think the RE shouldvd tested it or us to find out what happend?? Im just so upset that this was my 1st IVF and my RE already wants to move onto donor eggs..but what about different meds or something else? Ugh Im so getting a second opinion right after thanksgiving! Thanks ladies again for all you support!
SSBD,
Lily

[butterflybabies]

Thanks again for all your opinions and support!! Well after hours of crying and talking with DH we have decided to get a second opinion..It cant hurt right! I was really hurt and surprised by his comments because my RE has always been so nice and caring...He said he thought we shouldnt waste our money on any more IVF cycles on myself (we pay out of pocket) instead look into egg donation. . My clinic doesnt due embryo donation..but there are 5 other clinics here that I can get a second opinion...I will keep you all posted...thanks again ladies and still praying you all get your bfp's!!!
Love,
Lily

[empty]

oh i am so sorry to hear this. I am with the other ladies and think you should get another opinion. different labs and different doctors can make a difference. besides they should never say only a miracle can make you pregnant - arent we all here hoping for a miracle!!

stay strong.

[jjsh44]

I sent you a message....if there is anything I can do
I wish we lived close

[tracy4751]

WHAT AN *A*S*S* ~ You cannot seriously be thinking of listening to him?  I have been through the same thing with my first TWO RE's that were the over-publicized donor-egg pushers.  Please don't let him get you down - look into the "America's Top Physicians" and find another REPUTABLE RE near you.  Don't listen to the *A*S*S.  He is such an insensitive B*A*S*T*A*R*D ~ shame on him.  Do a lkittle crying ~ BUT ~ onkly for allowing someone say something so nasty to you.  Where do you live..??..Who was the RE?...???....  My DH said as soon as we get prego he's gonna strut me into the past two RE's who turned us down and started pushing the donor eggs.  All they do is look at their bottom line and the numbers.

I'm sorry that my OLD RE MUST have a BROTHER that is as insensitive as he(they) was/were.

Could it be you were OVERMEDICATED?...uugghhh it got me so darn mad when I read this.  I'm SO sorry for you....

[YogaChick]

Oh Lily, I am so sorry.  Please hang in there... that's just one doctor's opinion.  There are so many meds and different things they can do now. It seems like your Dr forgot his/her thinking cap today-- there must be some other things you can try.  The extra chromosome can't possibly happen every time and as my doctor keeps reminding me, "one egg, one baby."  Take a deep breath and get a second opinion.

If it helps, my friend did 5 years of fertility treatments including several IVF cycles before she had her little girl-- she swears that acupuncture is what helped her egg quality.  Might be worth checking out Randine Lewis' book (Infertility Cure) and website (search her name) for more info on acupuncture & diet stuff.  Another favorite of mine is Alice Domar (again a web search will take you right to her).  I found out about her when I was at Harvard-- her program has also had a lot of success with women whose REs couldn't quite figure it out.

Don't give up yet... there are lots of things to try.  We're here for you!

[krushing]

Oh sweetie, I'm sorry about the news you were told.  I would definitely get a second opinion, as it won't hurt anything.  Take care of yourself and stay strong!

[tina1111]

I am so sorry. Maybe you would respond differently with another med? They strongly advised me against even trying with my own eggs due to my age. It is hard to swallow. Fortunately, for me my sister is donating her eggs to me. It's the next best thing. If for any reason hers aren't viable, I will adopt someone elses eggs, I guess. I will cross that bridge if/when I have to. It doesn't make any difference what the dna is, it is still your baby whether you use your eggs or donor eggs. That is, if that is the route you end up with. I am sorry this is happening :(

[PPam]

Lily
I am so sorry to hear that this, but please don't give up. A number of factors could have affected egg quality/numbers, so get a second opinion elsewhere. Just because you only had 3 eggs doesn't mean the quality was low. Some high quality eggs and embryos don't always result in a pregnancy and likewise, a poor quality embryo can become a healthy baby. The reason for your other eggs not fertilising can be down to a number of reasons. Ask your RE what the eggs looked like before they put them together with the sperm. Egg and embryo quality aren't always the same. Don't think about donor eggs just yet - first find out what the problem was, get a second opinion, then try again. Don't give up! Look after yourself  x

[butterflybabies]

Thanks for all your kind words..I have yet to stop crying! I think it will be a while for all of this to digest..Your support and kind words mean alot to me right now!!
LisaRG- what is an AMH test..and yes I had FSH, E@ and estradiol done before hand and everything was great..My RE was a little puzzled that I responded so poorly to the stims...
I will let you guys know what we are planning on doing..I know for sure we will take some time off..and If I am not on for a while just know its because while I am very happy for all who get their bfp's I am also hurting...You ladies are the best and I love ya!
Lily

[kmcarino]

I am so very sorry that none of your eggs could be transferred after everything you went through.  I know that it must be devastating to hear what your doctor said, but I really believe that there is another way our there for you to become pregnant and carry your own child.  Please get one or even two more opinions.  You can't let one doctor's opinion end your dream.  I know this must be a hard time for you and your husband.  Please take care of yourself.  I will be thinking of you.

[LisaRG]

You are still young.
First get another RE and ask for an AMH test.  I am assuming you had a FSH, E2, and estradiol before IVF.
Secondly, I would look up DHEA on the internet and speak to your new RE about it.  It is controversial, but it is sold over the counter with the vitamins and has some proof that it can help with poor egg quality and low ovarian reserve.  You may need to take it for 3 months prior to fertility treatments.
Next I would take a deep breath, calm down and ask yourself if you want to climb this hill again.
I think you are young enough to give it another go - make sure your body is in top health first, then your mind, an most importantly - get an RE who is on your side.
P.S. - I hear the book " The Secret" may help your state of mind, Oprah loved it.
Good luck.
Lisa .

[Helen72]

Hon,
I am so very sorry..  My heart is breaking for you.  I think you should definitely get another opinion.  Sometimes a different protocol can produce a drastically different results in terms of egg count.