Nervous About 1st Ultrasound

[Houston79]

Hi everyone. I had a bfp on valentine's day and I'm an "October mom".   I go in on Monday to have my first u/s.  I'm really really nervous! I had a really strange, slow rise in my hcg levels and I have not had a blood test since the 14th.  I go in on the 25th at 1pm for an u/s to see the yolk sacs.  I'm soooo nervous and I need support!  Part of it is due to the recent BFPs and then the not so good news shortly after that.  I am a teacher and I am just taking the afternoon off and I am going back to school that evening for parent teacher conferences.  I'm just so nervous. I feel like I don't even want to go.  I'm having symptoms but no morning sickness-which worries me.  I'm six weeks along today.  help!  You guys are great and I really appreciate your stories and encouragement. Thanks a ton!

[Houston79]

Good luck on your appt. tomorrow! I hope those levels go back down quickly.  My RE told me on Fri. that I can expect to start IVF again in May. I know its only two months away, but it seems so far.  Let me know how it goes 2moro. Jada

[momInwaiting]

Miky, thank you for the hugs and kind words.  And yes, hopefully the screaming babies will be keeping us up at nite by this time next year!

Hey Jada.  Yes it has been a sad evening but DH and I decided to go out to dinner tonite (of all places, we actually went to Houstons!  How ironic is that!).  It was good to get out of the house since I've been cooped up more than usual lately.  I also had a glass of wine, which was kinda nice too!  Don't get me wrong, I'd rather be pregnant for sure, but I'm looking for the silver lining here.  Oh, and I know you mentioned one of your silver linings was getting back to running.  I also am a big runner.... well, no, I should say I used to be a big runner.  I ran a few marathons about 3 years ago, and then after TTC for like 6 months with no success everyone told me I worked out too much and shouldn't run.  So I stopped working out, gained 30lbs, and then still was pregnant!!!!  Talk about getting depressed!  The last year or so I got myself back into better shape hitting the gym hard each time I get a BFN, but when I start stimming or getting close to transfer I stop cold turkey.  

So hey, I am kinda new to this site (I've spent the last 1+ year on the ************ infertility forum) and had no idea it was okay to exchange e-mail addresses.  That is fantastic and something that I've wished I could do with so many of the lovely gals I met over there.  Is there a protocol for doing so?  I guess I should go search down the rules here and freshin up on the details.

Well I guess I'll be up first to see if my levels go to zero.  They have me coming in on Monday which I think is the 3rd.  Hopefully our HCG levels will decide to cooperate with the both of us this time.  We'll definitely have to keep each other posted.  

[miky72]

Hello ladies,
I just wanted to tell you how sad I'm about this outcome.
I was reading both your postd and praying that the results would be positive for both of you .
I just wanted to tell you that you are not alone and things will eventually get better and we will all have to complain about screaming babies!!!!
Lots of hugs to both of you,
Miky

[Houston79]

I just read your post and I'm so sad for you! I'm sorry! That is not what I wanted to hear. You're right when you say at least it wasn't ectopic and we can get pregnant. I guess we need to focus on the positives.  Also, we can both afford to do IVF again.  That is such a huge blessing.  Yes, our bodies will get warmed up and ready to deliver those huge screaming babies!  We'll do this again together (well, across the country, but it works).  
No sign of AF here. I'm terrified it will happen at work! Nothing since yesterday afternoon. My poor DH is holding out for a mistake. We do plan on starting asap. Our next appt. is March 5.  I will be praying that our HCG levels go down to zero really quickly and we can both start again healthy.  
Take care of yourself tonight.  I know you're tremendously disappointed. Its okay to cry. I'm crying with you and for you, Kari.  Let me know if you want my email address. That way we don't have to keep finding this post.   XOXOXOXO
Jada

[momInwaiting]

Well Jada, looks like we're gonna have to keep each other company during our next cycles.  My RE saw nothing but a pathetic looking lining on the u/s screen (I've always struggled with my lining) and then a few hours later came the call that beta went all the way down to 56 from 155 on Mon.  At least it wasn't ectopic... I keep reminding myself.  And I am taking this relatively well considering I thought there was no hope after first beta.  And like you, I think maybe my DH is more distraught than me.  But in my mind at least I did get pregnant.  In fact Jada, we both got pregnant!  Hopefully our bodies all are warmed up and next time we get to take our babies to term.

So any sign of AF for you?  I'm still wondering if maybe that was kinda like AF for me on Sunday... sure felt like it, but I guess it can't be if my HCG was still so significant.  I do fear with my thin lining it could take months before an AF after this mess.  I don't normally have delayed AF, but it's happened a few times when weird things have preceeded it so I imagine this would prob be one of those times.  But I plan on starting again asap.  How about you?

[Houston79]

Kari,
Today is the day!  I'm at school, but please please please keep me updated. I know you are so nervous and I am praying for you a ton.  Looking forward to hearing from you!
Jada

[momInwaiting]

Oh no Jada, that really is so sad and of course not at all what I wanted to hear!!!!  Hun, I am so so sorry and as strong as you are trying to be I know it must hurt tremendously.  :(   And I feel for your DH too... It's amazing how much more DH's are affected once the move to IVF has been made, especially if they are helping with shots and all.  Warm (((hugs))) to both of you.  Did they take blood today to check what your HCG is today?

I am definitely nervous for tomorrow more than ever but it's not just your update, I had a little blood again for the 2nd time today.  In my mind I feel like my HCG results tomorrow will tell us a lot more than the u/s.  It's just gonna be way too early for an u/s to reveal much I think considering my levels will be like 350 AT BEST!  I will keep u posted... I know all odds are stacked against me.  If it doesn't work out, maybe we can be IVF buddies next cycle.  As I say prayers for myself all day I'll keep you in my prayers too, wishing you a quick and hopefully painless recovery.  Hang in there friend.

[Houston79]

Kari,
Well, not good news today.  There wasn't even a sac. It is not a viable pregnancy and the baby must have stopped growing around Feb. 15 or 16.  We are pretty devastated to day the least.  The good thing is, my body can get pregnant!  My RE said he didn't think the babies would survive due to the strange rise in numbers.  I'm expected to have a heavy period in the next couple of days because I'm stopping my progesterone shots.  He said it won't be as bad as other people's miscarriages because the babies stopped growing so early and my ovaries are really quiet.  We go in on March 5 for a consult and to check my hcg levels.  We are going to do another round of IVF because we only have one frozen embie.  My poor DH is so distraught!  I think he's more upset than I am.  I'm just thanking God that it wasn't etopic and not chemical.  I'm home now and I'm going to take cold medicine for my cold-because now I can!  I'm going to clean my whole house and maybe even go to the Y later because I miss running dearly.  Take advantage, right?  

I hope I'm not discouraging you for tomorrow! I know you'll be just fine.  This doesn't happen to everybody.  Please be positive today and put your baby's life in God's hands.   What time is your appointment?  I'm going to school tomorrow but I will certainly be checking this post all the time. I'm praying so hard for you, Kari!

Nice that you don't need to work.  This is my last year of teaching, no matter what happens with the baby situation. My dh is very excited about me staying at home next year and I'll probably travel with him.  He travels up to 50% too.   I'd like to quit now, but I've got 25 little 8 year olds who love me.  It is such a rewarding job.  Okay, I'm rambling because I'm upset.  I'll wait to hear from you!  Good luck and relax today, k?  Jada

[momInwaiting]

oh my goodness, so if you are 2hrs ahead of me then you are only an hour off from your appt!!!  I'm so excited for you!  On a side note, I spent a lot of time over the last few years working in Houston and some time working in Michigan.  I got used to Houston but fell in love with Michigan!  (keep in mind it was Aug when I was there! :))  I need to go find out the name of the cities I stayed in.  You had asked earlier about my work, and I actually quit my job 11 months ago to focus on getting pregnant.  I traveled 50% and my DH would not agree to go see a specialist until I quit (my obgyn had been trying to help us for more than 18 months but clearly it wasn't getting the job done.)  And even though I help DH do some accounting for his work, I know how lucky I am that I don't have the work pressure that most women struggling with IF face.  But I've been there so I can sympathize and don't take my situation for granted!

Enough of that.., I'm so anxiuos for your update post appointment!  Positive thoughts and prayers heading your way!!!  Kari

[Houston79]

no such luck. I'm in michigan.  I was born in houston in 79.  I wish I was in TX or AZ. Its cold here and there is snow on the ground.  Thanks for the positivity this morning before I go in.  I"m EST so I'm two hours ahead of you.  I will talk to you later, KAri! Enjoy the sunshine!
jada

[momInwaiting]

Jada, I'm so happy I somehow managed to make you feel better. I've been worried about scaring you more than anything!  But honestly I spoke to my RE twice yesterday (he actually answers his cell on the weekends!!!) and he literally was the person who took my blood today... And Jada he keeps telling me positive things and examples of cases with similarities that have worked out beautifully in the end!  I'm hanging on to that positivity (he even drew a smiley on my little vial of blood:)) and I want to spread that positivity to you.  I'm so glad the cramping and spotting got better for you today.  I think I'm an hour behind you in AZ (you are in Houston, right?) and I will be checking in shortly after 11am to hopefully see your update!  One last wish of good luck to you!!!!!

[Houston79]

Whew! Reading your post in the middle of my conferences has saved me! Thanks a ton. I'm so glad to hear you have not been bleeding. I hope that is me tomorrow.  I think I just need to get off my feet.  Do you have a strenuous job?  My cramps have subsided for now and I am only minimally spotting.  Our prayers across the country for each other must be working.  Take care, Kari, I'll keep you posted.  (((hugs))) Jada

[momInwaiting]

"full term, healthy and screaming"... I love it!  And I hope that comes true for both of us!!!!  Jada, I know your little babies are fighters... they've made it this far and they're gonna keep going.  I know it hun, just hang in there.  It sounds like you've got a sweet supportive DH and I can tell this BFP of yours is way over-due!

As for the cramping, yes, they were exactly like AF cramps yesterday... just much more painful and longer lasting than my normal AF cramps.  Today they are back to mild cramps, but they still have that AF feel to them.  Hope that makes sense.  Regardless. my RE told me today that there is still a chance for me and this little fighter!  So I will be trying to think positive.  But like you said, Wed does feel like an eternity away from now.  At least I will have your update to look forward to between now and then and I know I'll be encouraged when you post good news.  

To be honest, I don't really know how far along I am.  I do know that I am 18 days past tranfer (2/7).  But my period starting this cycle was weird... it came like 5 days early while I was still on bcp and taking lupron (and lasted like 8 days!!!).  If you measured from the start of my lmp I'd be 6wks 2days, but I know that's impossible considering the late implantation after transfer and super long, early starting period last month.  So I guess it's just best to say I'm 18DPT and I prob had implantation at 11 or 12 DPT.  Wow, that was confusing, wasn't it?  

Anyway, I'm just sitting here praying that I don't get any bleeding today and so far so good, but I feel like it's gonna happen.  I think I'm gonna focus on thinking positive thoughts for you and your big day tomorrow!  Looking forward to your post!  (((hugs)))Kari  

[Houston79]

WHAT! Does this mean there is hope for you?  I've decided to hang on to every single last thread of hope and this has really helped. I spoke to two women who went through IF treatments at my school and they both said with their miscarraiges it was sudden pain and then they were on the toilet for like four hours!  Okay, that isn't happening to us.  And they were both six and seven weeks along! I'm 6w4d.  I'm so happy to hear about your update!  Mine has been a bizarre case as well.  Weird rise in hcg numbers and now this. I'm praying that my babies are fighters.  I want both of them!

Doesn't Wed. seem so far away for you?  Tues. is like eternity and thats tomorrow.

I'm going to be praying so hard that this is a pregnancy for both of us that will make it to full term healthy and screaming!  I go in tomorrow at 11 am and I'll get back on as soon as I can and let you know what happened.  

I do have a question for you.  During all of this bleeding, I have had AF like cramps.  I had cramping before this, but not like AF was coming.  Is this the case for you, or have you always had AF cramps this whole time.  And one more thing, how far along are you, again?

Thanks for the update. I really look forward to reading your post.  It is so encouraging to know someone out there "gets it".

[momInwaiting]

Jada, so it sounds like you are going to be going in tomorrow then for your ultrasound?  I'm very interested to hear whether they do more bloodwork on you to get another HCG reading.  I can only imagine how challenging it must be working as a teacher while undergoing IF treatment, esp IVF.  You have no idea how much respect I have for you!  And listen, I know you are worried, but you've already hit the 6 week mark.  You really haven't had that much bleeding and I've been told so often of cases where women bled all the way from start to end of their pregnancy.  I honestly think you are going to be okay.  Keeping you in my thoughts.

Well my update is basically that I continue to be a bizarre case.  My HCG again went way up.  From 63 Sat to 150 today.  So they do not know what the heavy bleeding and cramping was all about yesterday.  I have not bled at all so far today, but I still am having cramps... not as severe as yesterday, but they are still happening.  My RE wants me to go in for an u/s and more b/w Wed.  Basically it could be ectopic, it could be a pregnancy that is about to miscarry, or it could be a pregnancy that somehow will make it to term with a healthy baby.  The unknown is the worst.  I'll keep you posted.  In the meantime, and as bad as it looks for me, I pray we both are going to be sharing the symptoms of our pregnancy all the way through the 3rd trimester.  

[stillwaiting52]

Houston- I know exaclty how you feel, my first U/S is Friday, I am sooo nervous too. Please let me know how everything goes today. I am 6 wks and 1 day today. Our due dates should be a day or two apart! I am actually only feeling a little sick at nights after dinner, never in the morning. I had no sickness with my first child. Best wishes this afternoon!!!

[Sheri1972]

I'm so sorry for your loss, momlnwaiting. I'll be praying for you and hope that next time all will go well!  All of us ladies are strong to be going through this in the first place, and you know you have all of our support.

Houston79, please let us know how your ultrasound turns out!  My first is on Thursday, and I'll just be starting 6 weeks, but I think they can see a gestational sac at that point.  My RE just wants to confirm it's where it is supposed to be, and probably confirm how many there are.  I'd love to know how everything turns out!

SSBD to everyone!!

Sheri

[Houston79]

Noooo! I'm so sad for you! I thought we could make this through together. This breaks my heart!  I'm so sorry! You're right-your body CAN achieve pregnancy and I know this next time the baby will come to term! Are you going to take a short break?

I know this is a painful time for you right now but I really appreciate you letting me know what has happened to you.  If you feel up to it, I'd like to know what I can expect.  I'm a teacher and I'm at school all day today and I'm really nervous about what to do if something happens.  I'm glad yours was quick so you can recover faster. I'm afraid mine is sloooow.  
Keep waiting mom, it will happen.  I want to hear about your next journey.  Thank you for all of your help and encouragement.
Your IVF buddy,
Jada

[momInwaiting]

Hi Houston, I just want you to know that I am going to keep you in my prayers.  I hope your ultrasound goes beautifully whether you have it on Tuesday or tomorrow.  I will be checking in to see how you get along.

I hope with all my heart that I don't scare you, but I wanted to tell you that I definitely miscarried today.  It was painful, but I'm so thankful that the bad stuff came on hard, heavy and quick b/c I feel that I will be able to recover much faster as a result.  I'm quite certain it wasn't ectopic b/c of the bad uterine cramping and the strong similarity of this bright red blood to AF... for that I am thankful, b/c ectopic was my worst fear.  My RE will take blood tomorrow to confirm beta goes down.  In searching for the positives, I realize I can achieve pregnancy with the help of IVF and I believe I can give it one more go.  Hopefully my body is nice and warmed up and will be able to see the next one to term.  Sending you all the best and warmest wishes for another 33-34 weeks or so of pregnancy my friend.    

[ashort]

Houston-  
I was spotting before I knew I was preg...so really early.  It was just a tiny bit.  When i went to my RE I requested they check my progesterone and when they did it was low.  That's when they put me on the progesterone.  I know it's still low...I'm wondering if they would want to give me the shots too...since it's still low.  I'm 5 weeks 5 days today.  The spotting stopped with in a day of me taking the progesterone.  I don't know I go back on Wednesday but I'm so paranoid...From what I've read in my pregnancy books I think a lot of people get sick a little later then us...like at 7 weeks.  

I'm also a teacher so I know what you mean about going back to school if you have bad news.  I actually have to go Wednesday before school and I'm so nervous.  Good luck to you Tues.

[Houston79]

I know a lot of people who don't have morning sickness. I would just as soon not have it. =) thanks for your input.

[Houston79]

I am 6w4d.   I am on progesterone im injections twice a day due to my low progesterone.  I didn't think you could bleed on progesteron-at least that is what my nurse kept telling me.  She kept saying if I miscarried, I'd only know by my beta numbers.  I just read last week about someone who miscarried on the injections too.   So no morning sickness for you either..hmm.  Not a bad thing! =)

[Houston79]

I have more spotting today too! It is much darker but still brown! I too am terrified!  I called my RE-actually the emergency line and he called me back right away.  I am so happy I did this.  He said bleeding during pregnancy can be completely normal.  It is only a matter of what type of bleeding it is.  He told me that I could come in tomorrow at 1pm to have an ultrasound, or keep my Tues. 11 am appointment.  He said that coming in tomorrow would not stop anything because my body is going to do what it is going to do, but it might put my mind at ease to know what was going on.  I kept my Tues. appointment because I have parent teacher conferences tomorrow night and I don't think I can go back to school and talk to parents if it is bad news.    But a couple minutes ago it looked like period blood. you know, dark. sorry tmi!  I'm glad you're going in tomorrow. Let me know what happens at your fourth beta.  I still have hopes for us. =)

[ashort]

Did they check your progesterone?  I started spotting but it was b/c my progesterone was low.