Re: Getting pregnant in your late 40's

Question

Hi,

I'd like advice please.  I am very anxious and depressed at the moment and have been for a while now, which is not helped being in the situation of not knowing what to do next.  At the age of 45, I became pregnant twice and miscarried on both occasions.  Now, I am 49 years old and still childless and even though I have tried to accept that, it isn't happening and I'm becoming more anxious and bitter as a result.  I've been for counselling but it didn't help.  I know of plenty of women who have children in their early to mid 40's but don't of many around my age having babies. I don't suppose they are a lot younger than me but I'm still very anxious.  I'm looking for encouragement because I don't have many friends which is due to anxiety and I notice that my confidence is lower as a result of being childless.  Anyway, I'm wondering if there is anything someone can say to help me with some encouragement?  As I say, I don't really know who else I can speak to about it and thought it appropriate to post on this site.  I hope someone will reply.

Thanks

needadvice21 · Answer

Can I ask how old you are?  I'm so anxious about this.

Miyu19 · Answer

Good morning dear. Yeah, my dr made sure of my levels through a blood test. It's not as high as he likes, but he's not too worried.

I've been eating differently to help increase my levels naturally.

As for personally knowing, my friend is I think 40 and having c section in a few days. My grandma too. But the other older friends gave up due to being very picky about their mates.

needadvice21 · Answer

Van818 – Appreciate you replying. That's the problem, I really worry about what other people think and it's prevented me doing a lot of things up to now. Then, I get quite bitter and my self esteem gets lower as a result of feeling like that. It's easier to do nothing about my situation and become more withdrawn but I've always wanted to achieve things and I didn't realise that I would still be childless at this age. I think if it was easier to adopt that would be a good option but how much contact do the children have with their birth parents after they are adopted? Perhaps I'm too insecure to adopt but I know I would be able to love a small child even though it's not my own.

needadvice21 · Answer

Ipromise2 – Thanks, I appreciate your advice and encouragement.  Are you anywhere near my age.  If not, what would you do, if you don't mind me asking?

needadvice21 · Answer

Staceymcd – I'm worried about what people who know me will say, which shouldn't matter I know.  I've always been self-conscious and this has always held me back in everything I've done.  I'm not really getting any support from anywhere.  Yet, I'm stuck because I don't want to regret not doing anything to alter my situation.  I probably only need people that I know to tell me that I should go ahead with it and then I would think I'd be accepted.  I'm so stuck.  I think adoption is great option but I've heard that it's difficult to get approved.  I'd be happy to provide a home for a two or three year old.  Thanks for your advice.

needadvice21 · Answer

Miyu19  -  When you say increasing progesterone levels, I remember mentioning this to my doctor when I had a miscarriage and she said that there wasn't any need to do that.  She hadn't done any checks so I don't know why she was sure that they were high enough.  So, these miscarriages could possibly have been prevented but she must have thought they were due to my age.  

Do you know of many around my age getting pregnant with their first child?  My grandmother had a baby at 42, I think.  I appreciate you replying and thanks.

Van818 · Answer

I'm so sorry to hear your story. It's so difficult getting older and being childless when a child is all you want. We also have to put up with hearing others comments and opinions - I don't know how many times people said "do you not want children?" or You're old to be trying" It is so hard. 

I would definitely keep trying in all ways at the same time - naturally, IVF, adoption and fostering. Also look into freezing your eggs. Where I am they don't do it if you're over 38, when I started looking but it might depend on what part of the world you're in. 

Dealing with not having children when it's what you want is actually now considered grief, so it's not surprising how you're feeling. Make sure you look after your mental and physical health as much as you can. Join a relevant support group locally or online as it could help. Good luck and don't give up on your dream x

ipromise2 · Answer

I'm really sorry.  I know what it's like to want a child. I would start focusing on ALL things only positive.  Don't let any negative thoughts enter your mind. Sometimes the power of attraction works with stuff like this. It did for me. Lots of prayers and hugs to you!

ipromise2 · Answer

I'm really sorry.  I know what it's like to want a child. I would start focusing on ALL things only positive.  Don't let any negative thoughts enter your mind. Sometimes the power of attraction works with stuff like this. It did for me. Lots of prayers and hugs to you!

staceymcd · Answer

I think if u really want a baby then u shouldn't give up that dream....Think about other options as the lady said....adoption is an option...I thought about doing this myself as I was having miscarriage after miscarriage....fortunately I have my little boy now and another on the way...
As I said don't give up your dream. ...there's always a way and there's always an option...best of luck..x

Miyu19 · Answer

How about increasing your progesterone levels? I know progesterone can affect miscarriage rates if they are low. 

I think my grandma got pregnant around your age, so don't give up. I ended up with my aunty being like a big sister as a result of her being 4 years older.

I wish you the best of luck. As long as menopause hasn't set in keep trying and stay positive and don't stress. That can really affect your body too.

needadvice21 · Answer

Thanks, I appreciate you replying.  Yes, I've thought about adoption an embryo adoption.  I would be quite happy to adopt a two or three year old if I could but I'm hearing that it's sometimes easier to go through with having fertility treatment.  By the way, congratulations on your pregnancy and all the best.

I'm afraid that if I don't do something about my situation, that I'll regret it.  It's difficult to know what to do.

mags242001 · Answer

Sorry to hear that. Yes there are some women that get pregnant this late but not every body is the same. Some women have problems getting pregnant or holding a pregnancy to full term. Have u thought abt other options like adoption? Maybe that would be the best option for u. Don't forget abt the risk also of late pregnancy, like down syndrome t13 and others. My sister in law has been trying to get pregnant and she is only a couple of month older then me 39, yet she had miscarriages and takes her long time to get pregnant which just end up in miscarriage but it took me 2 months to get pregnant n I'm due in 4 weeks. She finally decided to adopt this year and she is perfectly happy. My brother and her love the little girl and her motherly instincts are fully satisfied. They are happy even if she is not the birth mother.