i need you. i am devistated.

[boosty]

my world came tumbling down today. my doctor called me and told me that although my blood test for the down syndrome came back negative, the ultrasound showed that my baby at 17weeks have shorter arms and legs and so i have a higher chance of down sundrome and i have to go in on monday for a Amniocentesis . i am broken, in tears and down on life. i cant stop crying.  i dont know what to do.i am thinking so much. they also said the baby is a bit short too.
1. the Amniocentesis can also cause birth defects or miscarriage
2. if they say that my baby has no down syndrome, then why are the arms and legs shorter.
i have a daughter that is waiting anctiously for this baby. i need support, help, and advice. i am broken in a million pieces. its 1:30am and i am sitting here crying myself to death.

[Lesliann]

This was 3 years ago..what did you decide? What happened?

[wishing4#2]

I am sorry you have to go through this.  BUt i have to tell you, I am a nicu nurse.  I go to all high risk deliveries.  So if someone had an amnio or screen that suggested d/s, I attend the delivery.  Well I have NEVER gone to a delivery where the baby actually had downs!! The parents are all prepared for a disabled infant, and they get a perfectly healthy one.  The cases where i have been to a downs delivery, they were not expecting it.  So just remember that these tests are NOT always right, and even if things look a little off, they could be perfectly fine!! When thinking about that, maybe you could wait it out to delivery and if by the small small chance your baby actually has any problems then you could consider adoption.  There are so many people who live for disabled children.  I myself am like you and do not think i could handle it.  
Anyway, I do not judge you no matter what you decide. It is your decision and you alone have to live with whatever you decide.  But just remember, this could be a whole lot of worry for nothing.  And stressing yourself so much is not good for you or the baby!!! Just try to take a deep breath!!! One way or another you will make it through this!!!  You will be in my thoughts and prayers!!

[susanelizabeth]

Im so sorry you are going through this.  Hugs to you.  First of all, what you decide is your choice and no one has the right to criticize you in any way.  Second of all 1 in 38.  That means the chances are only like 2.5% that the baby has ds.  A 97.5% chance he/she doesnt.  That is a HUGE probability all is FINE and the blood test was negative too so I am sure all will be just fine.  hang in there and when getting the amnio, ask for a quick result delivery where they can give you an early answer to the big questions.  PS My sil was told her son had short arms and a very big head, she was so scared but he is a healthy, typical 12 year old today.  Good luck, sweetie.

[StillTrying101]

Hi,
We have not spoke before, but I've been reading your posts, and I just feel awful for everything that you are going thru.
Try to relax, I knw eaiser said than done, but I'm reading your posts and I can see that you are jumping all over the place and your thoughst are going a million miles a minute.
What you end up doing, is 100% your decesion. No one can tell you how to feel or what you should do. you have a child, you know how hard it is t raise a perfectly healthy child, never mind one that isn't.
The reason I like this forum is because everyone is so supportive, I have been on others and sometimes there are mean people with very strong opnions. I hope that you don't get that here, and please do not upset yourself looking at websites like that.
Noone has to live your life but you, sweety and so they have no right to influence you on how to live it.
Hang in there, and you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Also, take a deep breath. ALL of this, ttc, having a kid already, bills, jobs, now this, is a lot to deal with in ANY marriage. Obviously I don't know all the details, but try to be there for each other and try not to make any major decesions such as divorce at such an emotional time in both of your lives

[lynda544]

I not quite sure what to say. I want so much to help you feel better. I will never judge you or anyone else on this forum. We are all just women trying to do the best in life we can with our individual situations. I have had 2 amino's. One at 37 and one at 40. They were painless and I had no side effects. I'm not sure what I would have done if they came back abnormal, but I did not rule out termination. I will pray for you and your baby tomorrow. Try to just take it one minute at a time for now.

[sunshine1990]

stop beating yourself up over this!  take a deep breath and relax.

Like helen72 said it's YOUR decision and only you can make it.  Dont' let what you think others will think of you influence your decision.  it's your life and your body.  you are the one who will have to live with the decision you make.  it's always easy for people to say what  they would or wouldn't do in a situation, but when it comes right down to it you never know until you are in that situation yourself.

  I myself do not know what I would do if I was in your shoes.  part of me thinks I could handle a child with d/s,but then part of me thinks that it would be cruel to bring that child into this world of ours.    heck, I worry about bringing a healthy ,normal baby into this world.  the world we live in can be cruel & harsh.

I hope all goes well with your test tomorrow.  and I hope you are able to work things out with your DH.  you need his support now more than ever!  

my heart goes out to you in your time of need.  

[boosty]

please read my last two comments on this post.

[boosty]

if there is an angle , a person much better than i am, that is willing to adopt please dont be afraid to talk to me about it. message me. when it comes to adoption, i want to make sure that he will be adopted and not left and rejected. cause nowadays everyone adopting is picky. why do i feel like i am not welcmoe on this forum anymore? i am just trying to consider eveyrthing and all my options for this child. i have also wanted to help a family in my life , but i too was ttc. so maybe this way, i can. thank you for your support. i am ready to hear all the nasty comments as well now.

[Helen72]

Aborting your pregnancy because of d/s is your personal choice.  Opinions of other people should not enter your decision.  You don't have to justify your choices here or anywhere else.  Again, only you can make that choice.  
I do hope that your baby is OK.  Good luck tomorrow.

[boosty]

thank you for your prayers and comments. i really want to know so i dont stress myself anymore. so tomorrow morning at 8am i have an appointment for an amnio. then i guess the wait starts . so the fish test is sooner? is it accurate? the part that destroys me is that as a child, i grew up knowing my destiny. i knew from the age of 5 years old that one of my children will be  a special need one. isnt that weird?people would laugh when i said thats what i think. and thats why, its hard to think positive. i pray to God that all is ok. my husband and i are having lots of problems now and hes talking devorce. its not because of the pregnancy at all. he also lost his job and its not because of that either. so wihtout judgement whcih i knwo i will get on this forum, there is that slight chance that i might consider that discusting choice of abortion because i cant do this on my own either. so that is one of the reasons that i sit here crying nonstop. because one is that i worry about my child and the other reason is that i dont knwo what will happen when i get the news. then i get that sick website sent to me. anyway, i knwo you guys will let me know your opinions and some will be ugly about it .i dont blame you. i was in your shoes too . we all ttc and now this is what i am thinking? i do think shame on me, but i do think of the future and doing this alone. adoption, i cannot think of my own child somewhere far away from me and one day finding me and looking in his face i have to answer to him that i didnt keep because he was sick? i cant do this. maybe i am talking like this cause i am panicking. i wont knwo how i feel til after i find out whats going on. please dont be ugly cause i already am going through all this in my mind. you all mean so much to me. thank you

[sunshine1990]

I agree with everyone, don't worry.  Dr.s like to do worse case scenerio.  my cousin had her Dr. tell her that her baby girl's arms were not the right length.  She got all upset, had tons of tests and x-rays and then her little girl turned out perfect.

If you are that worried about the amnio, don't have it done!

Will you love the baby any less if it has DS?  I know a couple who have a DS child.  they are actually older than us, the DS child is actually grown now, but she is awesome! One of the sweetest people I know.  she has a very productive life.  She works at the local resource center, they have a great program there.  and her parents wouldn't change her for the world.  


try to relax and not worry about it.  You're in my thoughts and prayers.  take care!  Jen

[abbyloo]

boosty you need all the support in the world when a doctor tells you something like that and you have it right here! just remember every baby is different and will grow and be different in their own time and way. there are so many risks with the amnio and after my doctor told me it would not be necessary for women our age (i'm 25) and that although it is still a possibility for your baby to have down syndrome, remember, everything is a possibility during pregnancy. my af has a clef pallet and his great grandfather had one too but it's still only a 4% chance! Doctors are always over cautious and i don't blame you for freaking out. I mean, we're supposed to believe them and trust their expert advice, but it doesn't mean their right. have faith and we'll keep you and your baby in our prayers!!! god bless!

[empty]

boosty hi. i saw that answer on a different forum you posted on and someone sent you that abortion website as their reply / soapbox. You have your own stuff to deal with and no one has the right to judge you on your decisions whatever the outcome. Dont concern yourself with replies that are negative at the moment.

positive postive positive.

[sibs]

hi,  im sorry to hear this is happening but i will share my story with you ( even after 5 years it still hurts as it was my first pregnancy and i will never forget) when i went for the 12 week nt scan when they measured the fluid behind the babys neck it was around 6.8 mm which they said was grossly abnormal and they said it was a 1 in 2 chance of down syndrome well i had a cvs and guess what genetically baby was fine however i lost her at 15 weeks due to another problem which they couldnt diagnose so please stay positive take care your baby most likely is fine

[jenandjon]

I'm soo sorry sweetheart.  I'm glad your spirits seem to have lifted a bit.  I think having the amnio is a good idea.  Whatever happens, know that we are here and are praying and hoping for you.  Trust yourself and your body.  

[HeathJo]

Vista--Good girl! That's the spirit, and we will all be with you in spirit and on this forum whenever you need us. And if you have panic attacks, that is OK too. Just vent here and I know everyone will come running.

Peace,

Heather Jo

[boosty]

wow. thank you ladies so much. i feel way better . i decided to just freaking be positive and stop crying!  i dont wanna tell my baby how down i was in the future. i will let you all know what happens. i am a bit scred of the amnio . my name is vista ladies. thank you again

[Jen7900]

Amen sister. You are on the money.

[HeathJo]

When my Mom was pg with my little half-sister 27 years ago they did an amnio (she was 33) because downs runs in my step-father's family (his sister had downs). That was almost 30 years ago, when dr's had less experience and technology, and she was fine, as was my sister.

I was born in 1971, and this was before they had u/s, and based on my heartbeat I was supposed to be a boy. I weighed 6 lbs, 12 oz. and was 23 inchesl long at full term!! I had flaps of skin under my arms: I looked like Rocky the Flting Squirrel! Well, I am now a fully-grown FEMALE adult at a whopping 5'3''! My point is this: even though we are in an era of profound medical and technological progress, there is margin for error and misinterpretation. Just as the doctors were off about me 36 years ago, and with the more recent stories posted here, please take into account the CYA factor. You have had one healthy child, and you are young. I will pretty much have to have an amnio (if I ever get a BFP) because of my age. They have been doing those for a while now. The hardest part will be the wait, but you are most likely used to that from TTC.

Hang in there honey, for your daughter, your unborn baby, and yourself. Sending you love and prayers!!!!!!

[shayla1]

I'm sure that your baby is fine.....there is probably only a small chance of Down's..but I know how much you want this baby..and I know that if in the small chance your baby does have downs that you will love him/her just as much either way.  God only gives you as much as you can handle.

[boosty]

thank you ladies so much. after crying all day, night and day again, i feel a bit better. so many things go through my head. youre right. i will start to think more positive. my test said negative for down syndrome, but the ultrasound showed shorter arms and legs. thats why they say it could be ds and raises my chances to 1 in 38. my appointment for a amnio is on monday . then i have to wait a long two weeks. . my question is lets say God i pray, that the baby has no ds , then why are the arms and legs shorter. how much shorter could they be if theyre one week behind the bodys growth. and could it catch up?

[Jen7900]

I know it is tough, but try to imagine a positive outcome. Literally. Imagine that the doctor is calling you with GOOD news...nothing wrong. So many people believe in the power of positive thinking. I know it is easier said than done, but you have nothing to lose! The best thing you can do for you, your daughter and your family is stay calm. Remember, severe stress can cause problems too.

I am praying for you and the baby...

jen

[Helen72]

I am really sorry you have to go through this.  But you should remember that genetic u/s has a high false positive rate.  Given your other tests came back negative for down syndrome chances are your baby is OK.  Amnio is 99.99% correct.  It does NOT cause birth defects and probability of a miscarriage following the test is around 1%.  I think that you should do the test just to get some info and hopefully put your mind at peace.

[empty]

Hi boosty

How are you feeling?