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45 and first IVF failed. What went wrong?
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45 and first IVF failed. What went wrong?

I'm 45 and writing this in tears. Pregnancy test, negitive. Don't understand everything went great. Transfered 3 healthy eggs, 1 a grade 1 the others grade 2. ICSI done on all three. Should i have had assisted hatching done because of my age? I've heard that improves success rates if your over 40. True? Going in on 6/22 to discuss next try. What can improve my sucess rate? HELP!!
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I know you are very disappointed, but I believe it is important that you be realistic. Were these with your eggs, or with the eggs of an egg donor? The chances for a successful pregnancy in a 45 year old using her own eggs is only 1.2% (refer to http://www.cdc.gov/ART/ART2004/index.htm). Using an egg donor, the chances each month are close to 50% (same website). Thus, even with a donor there is only a 50-50 chance each time you try. By far egg donor or adoption at age 45 are the most realistic roads to take to have a family. Good luck!
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Avatar_n_tn
I am also 45, and I'm so very sorry about your news.   In April I got pregnant after 4 months of trying to conceive without fertility treatments at age 45 and 1/2, and I just miscarried last week at 9 and 1/2 weeks (which, of course, was totally heartbreaking for us).  Prior to conceiving, my 3rd day FSH level was still normal (though at the high end of normal).  What I wanted to tell you is that even though I seem to have very good eggs for my age, my Reproductive Endocrinologist is still unwilling to do IVF using my own eggs (the clinic's cut off is age 43); apparently older eggs do not withstand the IVF process very well.  Plus, the miscarriage rate at age 45 is 60-70%.  So I guess I wonder if you were somehow led to believe the odds of the IVF working at age 45 were better?  (I have a friend who went through 3 failed IVF cycles at 44-45; she really wasn't informed of the low chance of success.)  My RE thinks I have at least a 5% chance of regular fertility treatments working, so we are going to try that, with the understanding that I will still be at a high risk of miscarriage.  This particular RE clinic has an 70% success rate using donor eggs, so that will still be an option for us (though not covered by insurance); we are also in the process of international adoption.  Again, I'm so sorry about your disappointment....
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With all my bloodwork coming back with such great numbers,he said he would have no problem trying once with my own eggs. He did explain that our chances were greater with donor eggs, but my husband and I wanted a child  from the two of us if possible. Just don't understand why it didn't work. On a scale of 1-5, 1 being the best, I had 3 eggs transfered, 1 a grade 1 the others grade 2. We are meeting with him this friday to discuss next step. I want to ask him to try one more time with my eggs since everything came back better than he expected. I know its a risk but what do you think? Miracles happen every day. Why not one for us. We have only been married for 1yr and 3mths, life sure is unfair at times isn't it? Sorry to hear of your loss. I know how you feel. I had an ectopic pregnancy in which i lost my right tube then a miscarriage in my 3rd mth. I hope all your prayers are answered. Best of luck.
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Avatar_n_tn
I'm glad you wrote -- it's nice to talk to someone here who isn't young enough to be my daughter!  I can understand why you want to try again, and if you have the resources and/or insurance will cover it, why not at least try?  I'm not sure when your pregnancies were, but I will tell you that when you're pregnant at 45, the doctors hover over you with scary statistics, which I found nerve-wracking.  We had a six-week ultrasound with a heart beat; in a younger woman, that would mean the chance of the pregnancy succeeding was at least 90%.  And I had no bleeding or cramping; my progesterone went down a bit, but not to scary levels.  Yet still we went into the 9 and 1/2 week ultrasound, and the heart beat was gone.  We have great insurance for fertility treatments, but no coverage for donor eggs, and since we've put a lot of money into our international adoption (money which will eventually come back to us through a tax credit and employer reimbursements), we need to wait probably two years before we can finance a donor egg pregnancy.  So we're going to try the fertility treatments, as I said, but frankly if we had the money right this second, I would much rather use donor eggs.  I grew up in a family in which my only sibling was adopted, and I know our parents felt just the same about both of us.  I'd much rather be confident the pregnancy would go well than have a biological child; I realize most women feel differently, however....
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Thanks for writing back. It's nice to have someone to talk to about this. I can talk to my husband but i'm not sure men understand how deep it hurts that you can't conceive. He dosen't even know that our test was negitive yet. Said he didn't want me to call him at work, wanted to be face to face when he gets the news. He going to be so hurt. Our insurance doesn't cover any fertility treatments. We've paid out of pocket for everything so far. We  have had family and friends offer to help with the cost which I think is wonderful but you know how men are, hurts their pride to accept financial help. But if we decide to try again we may have to have some help. At our clinic IVF with donor eggs is around 20K.Your right about having an increase in a successful try using donor eggs. My husband was adopted, so we understand that family isn't all about  having the same blood. I'm curious when you say other fertility options what are you referring to? Do have any children? My ectopic was when I was 17 and miscarriage at 31. Maybe i'm not mean't to have children. Looking forward to hearing from you.
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Avatar_n_tn
If you have the desire to raise children, of course you can and should be a mother!  But since, as in our case, you don't have unlimited money to put into acquiring children, I do hope you will think long and hard before you do another ivf round with your own eggs.  First, it sounds like the embryos were very high quality for this try, and yet still it didn't work.  Plus, even if you do conceive, you will have the high miscarriage rate to worry about.  In our case, the odds of my conceiving were 1 in 200; ironically, we beat those odds, but the baby died at the point when he/she had a 60-70% + chance of making it.  Then if you make it through the first trimester, there are all of the potential genetic problems to worry about.  If your insurance would cover it, I would say why not try again? But if going through another round with your own eggs limits your ability to use donor eggs and/or adopt in the future, is it really worth it?  I know the feeling of feeling you should be able to conceive, though; I kept apologizing to my husband for the miscarriage, even though I knew I'd done everything possible for the pregnancy, and of course he didn't blame me at all.  You asked what fertility treatments we are going to try; actually, I have no idea.  My Reproductive Endocrinologist said obviously I managed to ovulate, my tubes are open, my husband's sperm is good, so that eliminates a number of potential problems; I assume they will try some kind of insemination process with my husband's sperm?  (Neither of us has any children; we married recently, and have only tried to conceive a short time.)  Like I said, the odds are apparently kind of low that whatever the doctor has in mind will work, but as long as it's not donor eggs, it will be fully covered by insurance, so really there isn't much for us to lose.  Plus, we can still continue with our international adoption and try with donor eggs in the future, if needed (we'd like to end up with two children).  I'd really like to hear what happens with you.  I'm leaving town Wednesday for ten days and probably won't have internet access while I'm gone, but would you like to communicate again in early July?  Maybe over on the Maternal & Child Forum?  (Not sure if you've seen that forum on this website, but it allows posters to communicate with one another....)  In any case, I wish you all the best in your decision-making over the next few weeks!  
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Hope you have a good trip. I'll give you an update over on the maternal forum once we see our RE next week. Talk to you in July.  Debra
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