Beta went down..WTH!

[butterflybabies]

Hi Everyone,
Today I found out that my 3rd beta levels went down..From 242 on Monday to 138 today...This is my 3rd pregnancy this year and 3rd loss..Have to go monday for another beta, was told to stop progestrone and will have a consult with the RE sometime soon to discuss options...
What options could I possibly have! I dont have an issue of getting preggo just staying preggo...Im gonna be 35 on Tuesday..I guess my eggs are to old..IDK..! What did I do to deserve all this heartache? I am not a bad person, my dh and I want a baby so badly..I feel horrible that I cannot give him one...He deserves to be a daddy! He has told me over and over that if it ends up just being me and him he is ok with that...I am not ok with that..nor do we have tons of money to try anything different..
What do I do...Do we just keep trying naturally? I mean one of these times it has to work right?? I am so upset right now I cant stop crying ....Happy F*cking Birthday to me!!

[si_di]

I hope and pray this torture ends soon for you. A big hug

[Quinns momma]

I am so sorry you are having to go through this!! I think of you often.

[butterflybabies]

So Im frustrated! Still getting my beta checked and it was 23 last week and got a call that yesterdays beta shows 34.5 so it went up...ugh! I just want this to be over!! Ive been wondering these past few days why I feel so icky! Last week my headache and nasal congestion ended and now its been back a few days...The nurse said since I had a previous ectopic they have to really watch me, so I asked if this is indicating ectopic and she said no, it happens in an intrauterin pregnancy as well..WTH! I just really with I knew if these last 2 losses were ectopic or uterin..!! Gotta go next week for another beta...I really hope it falls to zero, I really dont want to have a shot or surgery cause then I will be told to wait more then 2 cycles before trying...I am glad my bleeding stopped monday thats the only plus of this whole situation! Im so frustrated and tired of feeling preggo when Im not!

[butterflybabies]

Just got my latest beta its 23..this pregnancy is ending alot faster then my last one..and my numbers were higher...Cant get in to see RE till Jan 5th..due to holidays and he is taking time off before holidays...Ugh!! I just have so many questions...
I was also told to avoid pregnancy for 2 cycles..so looks like we cant start trying till Feb...The wait begins...oh and the nurse said that he was disappointed that I got pregnant so soon after my last loss..WTH! They told me to wait one cycle which I did...
Why is it different (the waiting) that every doc has..some say go ahead right away and others say wait 1 cycle and others say wait 2 to 3...I dont get that...

[Marietta2000]

Oh Lily!!

I feel so much for you and your husband.  I was so happy when you told of this pregnancy, and I saw your numbers!  Life just isn't fair!!!  

I just wanted to add to all the other messages here, that I read about a woman who had numerous miscarriages, and it turned out, after many, many investigations, that her own immune system was 'rejecting' the embryos.  I just wanted to mention it, because I know you are seeing your RE, and I know it's a long shot, but 'strange' things can happen in our bodies.  Eventually, this woman and her husband had very special fertility care, she had to take drugs to stop the rejection, and did IVF, but they ended up with twins.  I know it's so hard sometimes, making sure you've asked the doctors all the questions and all your concerns.  Just make sure you get all the tests you need.  I understand your need to keep on going - just keep talking with your DH, and get all the advice and understanding you need from your medical team.  And please, never blame yourself for this - you are a wonderful person!!

I'm thinking of you, and keeping you in my prayers!!

Marietta xox

[butterflybabies]

Hi thanks for the info..I will be seeing my RE soon and have a list of questions for him..that will be one of them..
As far as my eggs go..the tests I have had suggest good quantity and quality..and wether we move onto IVF with mine or adopted its expensive, we pay out of pocket and with us not knowing if these last 2 were tubal or uterin pregnancies I dont know if I want to do IVF..what if they were in my uterus and they were dying for some reason and I do IVF and that embie dies to...if we do IVF we only have one shot (money wise)..so I am undecided on what to do...I guess I just cant wait to see RE so we can chat..Im driving myself crazy with wondering what is going on..LOL I still have yet to start my M/C bleeding..I now have no cramps, still feel preggo and only have light spotting ..like very light no pad or liner needed yet..oh and the spotting is dark brown..
I just want it to start already and get it over with..my bleeding started last time within 2 days of the bad news and right away after my ectopic surgery...ugh!!

[mysty2001]

Butterfly - I want to tell you that the clinics that told me to use the aspirine I miscarried !   After that I spoke with a good RE and he said "aspirine not for everyone I don't usually suggest it"
NOW when I did use it I stopped about 3 days before transfer (I used around every other day for maybe 2 weeks to get lining fluffly and thats it!)
I had 3 successful pregnancies this way (five babies)
ALSO - I used adopted frozen embryos - that is a great way to go if you want to consider it!

[Heather5]

OH NO, Lily! I'm so, so sorry!!! You and your DH are in my thoughts...

[butterflybabies]

Ho hum just waiting to start my bleeding, So far I feel bloated, mild cramps and have very little spotting...the spotting that I am having is soooo dark brown looks almost black..I just wish it would start already,,,just want to get it over with..
Thanks again everyone for your kind words...
Lily

[help4baby]

I can't believe this...wht the h*** . I was so happy for u and thinking about u.
Why it is happening every time? I m very angry with ur RE what r they doing ? They have to find solution ..gurrrr

After failing my ivf doc put me on aspirin too I know it helped a lot and also my progesterone level was not good  It used to drop any time so they put me on progesterone in oil but  my body is not responding as good as it has to be. so they put me on progesterone suppositories and they were tracking my level so closely.  asked for all options  and we also forced them that we wanted to find problem before trying again I was not agree with unexplained infertility or whatever.

I m praying for ur success.
Good wishes

[Jenny5]

Don't feel bad and don't blame it on yourself. It is not our fault. If it will make you feel better the problem is not your age. I'm 29 and for the last 4 years i have had 3 m/c and 2 failed IVF and the 3d ivf was positive but the second beta was already decreassed so that one turned in a chemical pregnancy. My husband tells me the same that if we would have a baby great if not it will be just us 2. He keeps saying that is me that he wants first and healthy and then a baby. It is time for you to take some time off and after that you should do some testing starting with genetic testing. There is a reason for you to m/c and you should find the reason. My Re put me on heparin and baby aspirin and next time that i will get pregnant i will be on them both. Take care

[dainsey]

I'm sorry to hear what you're going thru.  I went thru the same thing.  I would get pregnant very easy but I kept miscarrying.  I had 3 in a row.  I had two D&Cs and we tested the fetus and they both came out chromosonally normal so we knew it was my body causing the miscarriages.  So my OB put me on heparin and baby aspirin and the next pregnancy stuck and I had my daughter :-)  I'm pregnant again with another little girl and due in 3 weeks and yes I was on the heparin and baby aspirin again.  Please ask your doctor about it.  My OB said that women with recurrent miscarriages can benefit from heparin.

[butterflybabies]

Thank you again for all your support..with you guys and my DH I know I will heal from this loss, I have before...I cant wait to meet with the RE and see what he thinks..I will be popping in and out from time to time..I will keep you updated...Thanks everyone, It really means alot to know that there are people who care!
Love,
Lily

[MiracleOfLife]

Oh hun please don't feel this way... My RE told me today that a lot of times when a woman has multiple misscarriages it has to do with sperm morphology. Not that it helps, but IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT... It is nobody's fault. Just let life pick you up and take you where you need to be. Don't fight, just pray and it will get you through this. I am so sorry for you and know how terrible you feel right now. It will fade away and you will be ready to try again. You haven't exhaused all your options yet, so go to your RE with an open mind and it will happen for you!!!!!

[butterflybabies]

Maiana101- I am sorry for your loss to, its so unfair..I feel the same way, worthless and like wth why am I not good enough to be a parent...I know so many people who dont deserve the kids they have..of course they have not problem getting preggo...

Everyone-Thank you for your kind words, I know deep down inside I will never give up, just because I cant except the fact of growing old without children, at the moment though I feel so hopeless...time is not on my side..I will be 35 next week...My biggest fear is since Im losing these so soon that we really dont know if they ever made it to my uterus or if they are dying cause they are getting stuck in my tube...At least if I knew that one of these for sure made it to my uterus Id have more hope, then I wonder the one baby that was ectopic grew perfectly..measured exactly like it shouldve...Im scared that I keep trying and if the reason they are not making it is because they are getting stuck in my tube then it will never happen...then if I try for IVF there is no gaurantee still..and if these 2 babies were in my uterus and died how can an IVF baby have a better chance, it still has to attach and grow..Ugh Im so confused!
I really hate this and right now hate my life and feel like a complete loser as well..I feel horrible for my DH, who loves kids and is so good with them and everytime I look at him it breaks my heart that Im the reason he doesnt have kids..

[Mariana101]

I hate this.... I am SO SORRY!!!! What the heck is happening to us... I think it must be something in the environment that we age faster (our eggs) or something... I don't know. I had a miscarriage this past Sunday after finally getting pregnant with my third IVF but I am 41 so I don't really know if there is hope with my eggs. I may try something else like an egg donor but that makes me feel like a total LOOSER!!!! I hate this fertility stuff!!! I was aging happily because I still look young  until I remarried and started ttc :(
Don't get me wrong... I do want a baby badly but this is killing me, little by little.... I feel ugly, worthless and bitter everytime i see kids, which is every single day,,,, my friends get pregnant, have babies, people that they don't deserve kids get pregnant so easily!!! WTF!!!!

I will keep praying for each one of you!!!! I tell God: "Hey, help out My Ladies" that is how I call this forum.

[leighanne143]

dont give up.  i am so sorry you are going through this.  i went through it too.  I had 2 MC's in 5 months both needing d and c's and then right after the 2nd one, got pregnant again and now my angel son is 10 months old.  do not give up, i had the same thing, no prob getting preg, just trouble staying but it will happen, dont give up.

[ita17]

I cannot believe this!!!!  You have EVERY right to be sad, mad & feel ANGRY-CRAZY!!!  Don't stop trying!  I have had 3 healthy pg's & 3 MC's between 61/2-11 weeks pg.  You CAN get pg...thats half the battle, now you need to find a DR that will FIGURE out WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON!!!!
Hang in there hun;)
XxXxXxXx's
laura

[usuk]

not that it helps but i am pissed off too about this. ya know my mil told me when she got preg her doc said call me after you miss two periods. in those days if you had a miscarriage it only felt like your period was 2 or 4 weeks late. now we know too much and it hurts soooo much. i've lost three and had all the tests and now it seems i may have a problem with metalibolizing folic acid (MTHFR gene). but whether or not that is the cause is debated by docs. so i keep trying because eventually if will take. and it will for you. you are young and there has got to be a good egg in there. make sure you have had all the tests and that DH does too. even DH should be tested for chromosomal abnormalites, etc. my DH is younger than me and although it took him years to propose deep down i feel like i am failing him too. but if it were not for the love you two share the desire to be parents would not be there. you have to keep that love growing even while you hurt so much. sending you hugs and do not give up but do get more info....OXOX

[Kricket212]

I know someone who only has 1 tube...she did many IUI & then 4 IVF she gave birth to twins over the summer. Don't lose hope!!

[scienceteacher79]

I have been on the baby aspirin too but it didn't do anything to help this time for me...ugh. Hang in there girly :) We are here for you.

[butterflybabies]

I have been on baby asprin since my 2nd loss in October....This is the 1st pregnancy Ive had since being on them and the 1st time my numbers started out great!
I have every emotion in the book going on right now..I could just pull my hair out!!
I just wanna be a momma like so many other women on here..why is that so hard..why is that so much to ask!!
Also these last 2 losses the baby was to small to see so we really dont know if these last 2 ever made it to my uterus..which ***** cause its another thing to think about and worry...I refuse to have my left tube removed (tube ectopic was on)(if RE recommends that) because Im scared that I wont be able to get preggo..for some reason my left side is the domanant one...IDK..
Scienceteacher79- I will definetly let you know what happens..

Thanks Ladies for always being there and listening ...

[scienceteacher79]

I am right there with you. I keep losing babies too! They fertilize, start to implant and then JUST STOP! Let me know if you find out anything bacause I am in the same boat floating down the same CRAPPPP river...I am so sorry for your loss. I thought this was going to be it! Your numbers looked so good. UGH! I am mad for you! I see my doc on the 21st (I think that is the date) and I am going to ask about the clotting thing Msteri mentioned. I carried my daughter wth no problems (but I was 19 and in perfect health) so since I am with my new hubby, I think something is just wrong. I think the clotting thing is ok if one person has the gene but bad f both have it?! I need to do more research but definately ask about that. I am keeping you and DH in my prayers. Hugs and love

Jen

[kikicoates78]

A friend of mine had 6 miscarriages in 2 yrs, then she had 5 healthy pregnancies, and 5 beautiful babies! Don't lose hope dear.