Friend TTC

[stillwaiting52]

I have a close friend that announced to me that she is ttc 2 weeks ago. We were pregnant together with our last child, 4 months apart. I didn't tell her right away that the DH and I have already been trying for 3 months. The main reason is that it's hard enough to deal with the pain of infertility without having to share it with other people. I do not want anyone feeling sorry for me if it's not working out and I didn't want her to feel bad if she got pregnant and I didn't. Anyway, I decided to tell her last week since I haven't told anyone else and she keeps asking me all kinds of questions about ttc. Can you believe that she got mad?? She posted, on another web site, that she thought I was ttc just because she was and that I was doing it to be in competition with her!!!!! No where did she mention that I was 39 with unexplained fertility issues. She is almost 10 years younger than me but acts like she's 20, She is selfish and loves to be the center of attention, hence not wanting to share pregancy with me again.  I confronted her about the post and she has appoligized and said she didn't mean any of it and is begging my forgiveness. I think it's just time to cut ties with this person. I don't think she is a true friend, wouldn't a true friend have been excited about my ttc news as I was when she told me??

[blueyes34]

I'm like that too.....Not sure if it's realted to my sign (Virgo).  I'm not into astrology but remember reading info about it that said we have a tendency to hold grudges....Which is soooo true for me!  If somebody wrongs me in someway I'll never forget it.  I'm a very loyal friend and would do anything for anyone but once you step on my toes you're outta there lol.  Little things, ok, I can get over it.  But not things that consistantly and purposely hurt me.  Some people are just toxic to be around.  It's a personal decision for you but regardless, do what's best for you, whether it's building the friendship back up or losing it all together.

Take care!

[stillwaiting52]

Thank you for your response, you made some very good points that I will have to take some time to really think about. We have had our good days and bad days that's for sure. I just hate feeling like everything is a competition with her, from our jobs, house, cars and now babies too!!! These last few days have been nice without her but I do still have to work at the same office. I will at least need to be cordial if nothing else. I am thinking about applying for a position that will sit right outside her office, that would be awkward if we aren't talking. Unfortunatly, I have such a hard time with forgiving, this holds true in every relationship in my life. Thank you and congratulations!!!!

[stressed118]

Now i am not agreeing with your friend in any way or condoning her actions, but unless she is a friend that screws up all the time or always lets you down or that this the kind of  behavior is a regular thing then maybe she just screwed up.....even friends can mess up sometimes...if you watch Sex and the City then you know thats friends can do stupid things sometimes or say  things with out thinking but if you are good friends then you find a way to get past it....I still think you have a right to be mad but holding on to anger never helped anyone and especially going through what you are right now the last thing you want to be holding on to is anger. I do think some space is need but I also think you need to share your feels with her as to why you need this space right now. If you take this time and relieze that she does not add to your life only take away then maybe you are right and it's time to let her go but if you can forgive her then it's time to mend. It's har to find good friends your right but even when you find them they are still human so there is room for error....good luck to you in what ever you decide.....baby dust

[stillwaiting52]

Wow! I thought I was the only one who attracted Drama Queens as friends, lol. It's good to know all of you have been through similar situaltions. I moved here to NC from Ca several years ago and it's just so hard to find good, supportive friends. I want Carrie, Charlotte, Samantha and Miranda friends!!!!

[blueyes34]

I'm really glad that you decided to make that move.  TTC is stressful enough as it is without dealing with immature people who can just add to it!  I've cut friends out of my life who have been unsupportive.  It was the best thing I've ever done.  My life stopped being a drama series.  You don't need that!  

Way to go and we're all here for you!

Penny

[wanabb]

I'm so sorry, but i have to say i understand. Dh and i have been ttc for 2.5years my "best friend" since freshman year in highschool told me she was ttc 8 months ago, i was very excited for her,  I told her i was starting my second round of clomid at the time and she told me "if you get pregnant before me i will be very mad at you!"  I was speechless.  Needless to say five months ago when she texted me that her hpt was positive i was truly happy for her but it took me a few hours to call her and a lot of crying.  I really am happy for her but i thought we were better friends than that.  I agree with everyone else keep your distance!

[stillwaiting52]

Awww, thank you both so much for the kind responses. I was so hurt, we have been very good friends for about 4 years now. We work together, I have babysat for her and even kept her dog while she went out of town. It's so weird to think of someone as your friend only to realize that they are not at all. It's funny you both recommended to keep my distance, I came into work this morning, packed up my stuff (we shared an office) and moved into a cube. I know this surprised her, she immediately called my cell phone but I didn't answer it. The truth is I just have nothing nice to say to her. It's funny that the last time we were pregnant together, I had been ttc for 10 months and she just came in and said I am pregnant, this is the first month we have tried. I was very jealous but remained excited and happy for her and her news. Luckily, I got pregnant 4 months after that! Best wishes to you both for a BFP soon! I have to take my trigger shot tonight and then BD, BD, and more BD!!!

[si_di]

I so know what you mean. I got pregnant last july and no one knew we were trying so everyone was shocked. Too bad i lost my angel at 28 weeks but it seemed as though when i was going in for 2nd level ultrasounds EVERYONE was so interested on what was going on and it almost seemed as though certain people (girlfriends that were trying at the time) had a sort of joy that i was going through a tough time. Disgusting!!
I have closed doors with a number of those supposed friends and my advice to you is keep your distance and don't feel like you have to 'tell them everything'.
I've learned to keep things to myself. I'm know on clomid because number 2 just doesn't seem to want to come and you can immagine my anxiety and anxiousness to finally have a healthy baby and live a joyous pregnancy.
I'm surrounded with girlfriends that are ttc'ing and it seems like it's a freggin race to who gets pregnant first.
You'd think, yes, that a friend can only be happy for you but it's not like that unfortunately so you can chat with 'us' your 'online buddies and not worry about envy cause we're all here cheering on and praying for each other.
Hugs

[ita17]

I am sooooo sorry :(  I tink it's pretty funny when women feel like "they are the only ones who ttc"  She SHOULD have been excted that she'd have a ttc buddy!

Don't let it get to you too much, maybe just get some distance for a while.  
I hope you get your BFP soon, so you can let her know!  (totally j/k!)

But I really DO hope you get your healthy 9 months BFP soon :)
Hang in there!