yet another emotional day

[HOPINGTOBEAMOM]

Well she is on her way (that being af).  Cramps have started and very emotional.  I just called the fertility center and we go on Tuesday to sign a consent for donor sperm.  I will call probably on Tuesday then to order it and have it shipped next week.  Just had a "pity party" for myself at work closed the door and cried my heart out.  Cannot believe that we are going through all this.  All the stuff that has happened to us this past year when will all the bad news stop!!  Dh said that something has got to go right for us soon... God it just sucks!!

[late20s]

I am so sorry.  TTC is so hard sometimes!!  I have totally been where you are at.  Last month when I got my AF I felt the exact same way because it was an IUI cycle and everything looked good in the beginning, so the BFN was really hard.  Everytime I get my AF my heart breaks a little.  I will say a prayer for you tonight.  

[bella537]

Hang in there. It is tough and I do know you feel very alone sometimes even when people are supportive. It' human nature and LIFE is hard a lot of the time. i'm dealing with yet possibly another failed attempt at ivf , 15 years trying fertility treatments and such.  My mom actually said today "where's your faith?" and I had to scream at her "how can you not see it , I've been trying for 15 years , if I didn't have that i wouldn't have tried so long."  We made up but I'm sorry about your  mother's hurtful comments. You definitely do deserve to have a child as probably all of us on this forum. I don't know if your a spiritual person or not and I struggle with it as I do yet another try at this as the months pass me by but once in a while Jeremiah 29:11 helps me refocus just a little.  If you're not please don't think of this as me intruding. Just sharing my story. I wish you so much of the best and hope you succeed!!!

[HOPINGTOBEAMOM]

Thank you soo much for being "here" for me.  Just really a bad day - continued to cry even through us going out for dinner.  Just would really like for something to go right this year so far this has been our year first -- we found out that we have the male issue second thing was he was just diagnosed with diabetes and third his grandfather passed away 2 months ago in between all of this he lost his eyesight (which came back)thank god. and hit a deer with my car --- oh and 2 bfn with iui's and ttc for let's see over 2 years now............ what more??  I know don't ask that question it could be worse right?  again thanks for being here and listening.  How are you feeling this evening?  I did not have any symptoms last year with the blighted ovum - tested 4 days after af was due and bfn waited 2 weeks and bfp, which ended 8 weeks later.... so I will keep  praying for you -- keep looking up -- !! :)  

[SDScientist]

I am sorry.  Moms can just be plain nasty sometimes.  Please don't listen to a thing she says.  This whole infertility gig is just unfair to us all.  I am not really sure of your situation, but it sounds like male factor?  We had to have donor sperm ready in case my DHs sperm didn't thaw well and I know what it is like to go through that donor process.  I am not sure what your feelings are, but if you need to talk about this let me know.  Hang in there.

[shesherm]

Parents can be so nasty ugh..Hopefully things will turn around very soon for you and you do deserve to be a MOM.  good luck and SSBD  ((Sheila))

[Tanker Chic]

I'm really sorry.  I know sometimes it just feels like you can't get a break.  I'm really sorry things aren't going your way.  I hope things turn around real soon.  

Take care.. hannah

[poupoune26]

I can't believe how hurt you must feel from your mom's comments. Just ignore it, surround yourself from things/people that supports you, not bring you down even more.  Sounds like you have a great dh, you're lucky, a lot of women don't even have that. I thank my lucky star every day for bringing my dh into my life.

I have had to distance myself from a friend, my best friend actually, that didn't understand at all what I'm going through.  She gave birth to a daughter in January. I had to stop calling her and seeing her because she would get on my case about my not getting pregnant. It worked for her the first month of ttc. Acting like it's soooo easy.  She's the kind of friend that wants me to be there for her (and I did, always) when SHE needed it but when I need her...never.  

Moving on..  :)  Sorry about my venting..  

I was there just last week, crying as I was reading and writing. That's what's so great about this forum. You can talk to women who are going through the same ugly stuff.  You'll feel better in a couple of days...promise.  (((((hugs)))))

[HOPINGTOBEAMOM]

As I sit here fighting to read your e mails through my tears - I just feel so hopeless but thank you for your support - I just feel like every month this time I get sooo upset - she did not show her face yet but have all af symptoms.  I go to the acupuncturist tomorow - maybe it will help- it did last year that is when I had the blighted ovum so who knows ??  

I know I am not the only one who gets this way every month but sometimes you feel so alone.  Yes have a great husband who has put up with soooo much!! But my mom is another story - last year when I had the blighted ovum she told her friend she was glad that I lost the baby and I  did not deserve to have a child.  Yep that is what she said.... Nice mother huh?  If she only knew I knew all the stuff she said about me -- her best friend tells me everything ... but yes have a great dh...

[poupoune26]

Ahh, I sooo understand what you're going through, a part of it anyway. It sucks when AF shows her face. Every month on the 2ww, I try not to get too excited and hopeful because I don't want to be dissapointed but it seems I always think ''but it might have actually worked this month, it's possible...isn't it??''  |Then you start having fake symptoms.. you get your hopes up and BAM, af pops up!!  And it's as hard or even harder month after month. Then you get to thinking..what if it NEVER happens??!!!!!  Arrghh!!!

Anyways, I hope it works out for you next month with the donor sperm. I believe we'll all get our BFP before Xmas..  :)  Don't give up   (((hugs)))

[marie1210]

I know it really sucks when you want something and everything you do just doesn't seem to be enough.  Sometimes you just need to let it out and vent.  It's ok to be angry at your situation.  I spent most of the last two years mad at everything.  I was mad at the fact that I had 3 m/c and everyone of my married friends or relatives would get pregnant and go on like it was the easiest thing in the world.  I was even angier to learn that it was b/c of my chromosomes that I was losing these babies.  I thought that I was the one holding Dh and I back.  It was all because of me that we didn't have a child and I blamed myself.  Do the best you can to hang in there and focus on the blessings that you do have, like a wonderful husband who is supporting you, family, friends.  Look at the good things.  I had to do this in order to say, "I'm lucky to have what I have."  Your time is coming.  Don't give up.  Good luck to you.