Getting asked rude questions.

[Nat256]

I was just curious as to how others handle this situation. My situation is this: I deal with the public all day. Some of these people are complete and total strangers to me, others are clients we've had for years. I get asked constantly if I have children. This question in and of itself I don't mind since usually someone is just trying to start a conversation or small talk or are just curious. I'll usually respond with something like, "no, not yet" or "no, maybe someday". I will say this is a polite but curt tone and a lot of people will move on and drop it. What ticks me off is when people don't take the hint and ask things like "why not?", "do you not like kids?", "can you not have kids" etc... with the worst response ever being "are you trying?". The longer my fertility treatments drag by (with no success obviously)  the more I seem to keep getting these responses/questions. I also equally hate it when someone just assumes that I have kids and ask where the pictures of my children are. A lot of times I'll say something like "no, but I have 6 dogs!". Sometimes this works and gets the person to asking how I came by so many dogs/what breeds, etc.  and sometimes it doesn't. How is it that the reason why I don't have kids is anyone else's business? I feel really uncomfortable, angry, and depressed when I get the more intrusive types of these questions and/or responses. I mean I get really depressed from it. I really want to quit my job and find something where I don't have to deal wtih the public but this isn't an option right now. Should I just be blunt and say something like, "I'm sorry but that's really personal," or "I just don't want to discuss my reproductive habits with you" or what? Any advice on how to handle these rude inquiries without being rude myself?

[Nat256]

LOL :)

I'm not sure if I can pull that off though! LOL so hard!

[bam1014]

I can understand how you feel.  It is always tough when someone goes beyond the bounds we are comfortable with - especially since we are uber sensitive to anything TTC related.  I usually find that when people ask "do you have children?"  I just say not yet, but we are working on it (and depending on the person give a little wink).  Usually that stops any further questioning.

I think when you just say no, it opens them to further questions.

[Nat256]

I guess I'm going to just have to learn how to be more assertive with those who just don't get it and learn how to tell them that i'm not comfortable talking about it. How did you phrase it, if you don't mind me asking? I mean, did you just kind of smile and say "sorry, it's just that I'm not really comfortable discussing what's going on in that area of my life right now?" or did you just say let's talk about something else, that's really personal? I'm just really trying to figure out what the best way would be to go about saying all of this, without hurting anyone's feelings or anything.

[Nat256]

LOL - I've heard of the answer "Do you mean I'm having sex, then yes" response before and I honestly thought about using it, but was seriously afraid of some of the responses that I might then get in return!!!! People are crazy.

[mamom15]

Hi, I hear ya, I have been asked so many times.  Especially when I used to be in Sales so I could not answer back curtly.  I am 39 so its even harder but over time I learnt to tell people that I would rather not talk about it as I am not comfortable and then change the topic to something like weather or really random. Obviously you are not in peace with yourself, are we all truly happy with everything we have and the women in this forum have it harder than any one else.

[usuk]

Question: are you trying?
Answer: do you mean am i having sex? then yes.


LOL. Just kidding.

[Nat256]

I just wanted to say thank you for your comment. I really do appreciate your imput and I it makes me feel better to know that someone else wouldn't think it rude of me to tell someone that I think they are crossing a personal boundary. I really do appreciate it. It's nice to know you aren't alone.

[Nat256]

Of course I don't have "inner peace" right now. I am not trying to summarize my entire life and how "peaceful" I am in one question about how to respond to rude questions. I'm extremely depressed right now having no children at age 30 after 4 failed IUIs. It's very hard to be peaceful when you're in the middle of a life changing situation that is putting you under a great deal of stress while you are being pumped full of hormones by doctors.

[Nat256]

Thanks for you comments. I do believe though that there has been some misunderstand as to my question. As I previously stated, I am not offended/upset by anyone asking me if I have children. This is NOT what bothers me as I DO see this as just a genuine interest in trying to start a conversation. What sets me off is when those people do not take a hint or get a clue when I obviously either a.) steer the conversation elsewhere or b.) make it clear that I do not wish to discuss it by trying to drop the subject. It really ticks me off when I clearly state, no I do not have any children or no, not yet maybe someday we will and then I am bombarded with follow up questions such as "are you trying". I mean my goodness, I even had one woman tell me how lucky I was not to have any children and how smart I am for choosing not to do so. I am extremely stressed so yes I am a LOT more sensitive than usual so what I was really hoping for were some suggestions as to how I could put it a little more clearly or be a little more forceful in letting someone know that their line of questioning is off limits, out of line, and downright rude without coming across myself as a total witch, which I'm sure, is unfortunately how I'm coming across right now.  

[mommyin10]

You're definitely not alone ;)  I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.  I wouldn't quit your job, because I used to get the same questions...  I work in a courthouse, but the questions didn't come from the public.  They came from co-workers, attorneys, etc.  It's the same everywhere.  I'm sure they are just trying to be nice, but I can totally understand your frustration because I can remember one attorney in particular who asked me if I have kids & when I said no, he gave me such a quizzical look, like what's wrong with you?!  I just learned to tune it out & like you, I would direct the focus to my fur babies ;)  Yes, with 6 dogs, I'm sure that opened up so many more questions!  haha ;)  I am almost 10 weeks pregnant now, but like you, I struggled with ttc for a while.  When people would ask me if I have kids, I would usually say, not yet or I hope to soon, or I say, yes & show them a picture of my dog or cat ;)  If they get too personal, it's not rude to let them know that.  Just tell them, I'm sorry, but I'd rather not discuss it...  or turn the attention on them & ask if they do.  Take care!!! =)

[BabyBlue07]

I think people asked you with those questions are unintentional and just an innocent questions to get to know you or to start the conversation... they didn't mean it..they didn't mock you... .it's a natural of human curiousity...

If every little things that bother you, then you will never have innner peace...you will build up anger and stress among yourself and that will not be good for you...  Just ignore the question and think that they are just curious about you.. nothing wrong with it... if you feel like to answer to them, then answer with a positive attitude... if not, then just let them know you don't want to discuss that...

No one know what is going inside of you and you do not need to tell them or explain to them anything...

I am sorry you have to go through all that.... but you are the one who control everything happen to you...

Good luck to you..