Aa
Just turned 46... too old?
This story line is pathetic. I just turned 46. I have been married under a year, and living Mr. X, for almost 4 years. He had a vasectomy reversal 2 years ago. We were a couple when I was in my teens, but were apart for 23 years. We'd had an abortion when I was 19 and he left me all those years ago without explanation when I was 20. (Turned out that he'd gotten someon else pregnant. His first son is 24 years old.)
I was heartbroken, but never one to not get back on the horse... I married the next nice man I met. We immediately started a family (!), and were together for 22 years. However, when Mr. X contacted me via email I lost my head with my heart and fled to his side. ( I know, how corney and sad). I want his baby very badly in a way that does not make sense. I guess I think it will make all the heart ache justified.
I still have my period. My intial tests seem fine. He just had a PESA, and there are a few sperm that could be used for ICSI. However, I am pretty sure that my Dr. will not allow me to use my own eggs now. He had mentioned donor eggs ( shock), but when I OKed my 23 year old daughter, who has a baby herself, as a donor, we got the thumbs down. I am waiting to hear officially that he will not do me. But, even if he agreed to use my eggs in a ICSI, the chance of success appears to be about 2-3%. I have some money set aside, but not enough to try more than once.
I feel so hopeless and sad. Does anyone out there have any suggestions?
I was heartbroken, but never one to not get back on the horse... I married the next nice man I met. We immediately started a family (!), and were together for 22 years. However, when Mr. X contacted me via email I lost my head with my heart and fled to his side. ( I know, how corney and sad). I want his baby very badly in a way that does not make sense. I guess I think it will make all the heart ache justified.
I still have my period. My intial tests seem fine. He just had a PESA, and there are a few sperm that could be used for ICSI. However, I am pretty sure that my Dr. will not allow me to use my own eggs now. He had mentioned donor eggs ( shock), but when I OKed my 23 year old daughter, who has a baby herself, as a donor, we got the thumbs down. I am waiting to hear officially that he will not do me. But, even if he agreed to use my eggs in a ICSI, the chance of success appears to be about 2-3%. I have some money set aside, but not enough to try more than once.
I feel so hopeless and sad. Does anyone out there have any suggestions?
OK, now i get it, and not in a good way.
My period came just when I expected it. The USound and hormone level checked at day 2. Two follicles had begun to grown already, but Dr. decided to by-pass his usual 3 week suppression with the pill and Suprefact and began the stimulation drugs right away. Did the horrible injections for 5 days. The meds cost almost 5 k! I didn't count on the drugs alone costing that much. How can you be all calm and receptive when you are shooting thousands of dollars into your gut with your husband telling you how much your dream is costing.The research says stress effects the process by reducing effectiveness of IVF by 30-40%!
Went in after 5 days and the 2 lead follicles were reading to go with the rest way behind. Cycle cancelled. So 2 days later now, my abdomen is actually feeling fuller than ever and it was all for nothing. He said when we try it next time he will suppress me first, but I don't know if the main reason we cancelled was because he will only do min 3 follicles and they weren't all going to be ready at the same time, OR more ominously, that with all the drugs, maybe I should have had 20 follicles all set to burst... if i wasn't so OLD that is? I don't even know the reasoning, as the Dr. zooms in and out so fast and I am in too much shock to think straight.
I also wasn't prepared for how profoundly disappointed I was with the cancellation news.I walked out to the waiting room, with the idea of asking the nurses some clarifying questions, but when the room was full of people and a BABY, I just kept walking... with the dust booties still on my feet. I didn't even notice. I just wanted to escape.
I am such a light weight. Sobbing in the car ... I don't think I could stand to MC or face all the other stages that other women have hit their disappointments.
My rational mind says, take the money and go for a vacation. This is emotional self-torture. But, then i think to myself, to not go again, is to forever say good bye to a 30 year old dream. And I cry all over again. This is agony.
My period came just when I expected it. The USound and hormone level checked at day 2. Two follicles had begun to grown already, but Dr. decided to by-pass his usual 3 week suppression with the pill and Suprefact and began the stimulation drugs right away. Did the horrible injections for 5 days. The meds cost almost 5 k! I didn't count on the drugs alone costing that much. How can you be all calm and receptive when you are shooting thousands of dollars into your gut with your husband telling you how much your dream is costing.The research says stress effects the process by reducing effectiveness of IVF by 30-40%!
Went in after 5 days and the 2 lead follicles were reading to go with the rest way behind. Cycle cancelled. So 2 days later now, my abdomen is actually feeling fuller than ever and it was all for nothing. He said when we try it next time he will suppress me first, but I don't know if the main reason we cancelled was because he will only do min 3 follicles and they weren't all going to be ready at the same time, OR more ominously, that with all the drugs, maybe I should have had 20 follicles all set to burst... if i wasn't so OLD that is? I don't even know the reasoning, as the Dr. zooms in and out so fast and I am in too much shock to think straight.
I also wasn't prepared for how profoundly disappointed I was with the cancellation news.I walked out to the waiting room, with the idea of asking the nurses some clarifying questions, but when the room was full of people and a BABY, I just kept walking... with the dust booties still on my feet. I didn't even notice. I just wanted to escape.
I am such a light weight. Sobbing in the car ... I don't think I could stand to MC or face all the other stages that other women have hit their disappointments.
My rational mind says, take the money and go for a vacation. This is emotional self-torture. But, then i think to myself, to not go again, is to forever say good bye to a 30 year old dream. And I cry all over again. This is agony.
Hi ladies,
It is a sunny day and I am waiting for my period that should start in a couple of days. I cry pretty easily now :)
I wanted to thank all the well-wishers and to let you know that I do understand the chances of this working are !!! However, the chance of it working without is 0.
I got to thinking about the good doctor's change of heart too and was researching the topic on the internet madly again. I found one article that was a scathing attack on older women, written by a doctor. The most enlightening one seemed to indicate that although I am chronologically beyond hope, my hormones and other symptoms seem to suggest that I may have a bit more of a chance than average.
Anyway, in my life I have noticed that my biggest challenges turn out to be amazing learning opportunities. My degrees are in fine arts, psychology, special education, teaching and Counselling Psychology. Every tragedy I have faced personally, I end up meeting a client who is going through the same thing down the line. It builds perspective and empathy -- big time.
Who knows, maybe if this fails miserably, I'll end up working as a fertility counsellor one day helping a couple come to grips with their "news"?
It is a sunny day and I am waiting for my period that should start in a couple of days. I cry pretty easily now :)
I wanted to thank all the well-wishers and to let you know that I do understand the chances of this working are !!! However, the chance of it working without is 0.
I got to thinking about the good doctor's change of heart too and was researching the topic on the internet madly again. I found one article that was a scathing attack on older women, written by a doctor. The most enlightening one seemed to indicate that although I am chronologically beyond hope, my hormones and other symptoms seem to suggest that I may have a bit more of a chance than average.
Anyway, in my life I have noticed that my biggest challenges turn out to be amazing learning opportunities. My degrees are in fine arts, psychology, special education, teaching and Counselling Psychology. Every tragedy I have faced personally, I end up meeting a client who is going through the same thing down the line. It builds perspective and empathy -- big time.
Who knows, maybe if this fails miserably, I'll end up working as a fertility counsellor one day helping a couple come to grips with their "news"?
Gina - good luck w/all of your endeavors. I see that you came to a decision. I didn't realize that in Canada, using donor eggs was seen as 'buying' them. There's an ethical concern here as well about that issue - we see using donor eggs as reimbursing the donor for her time/discomfort, etc.
One more thing - I'm surprised that you found a clinic who does IVF on a woman 46. I've checked the stats on cdc.org - less than 1% has had success in women 45+ who use their own eggs via IVF. Of course that's in the United States - not worldwide.
Sorry to report such grim stats again. I guess I hate to see you waste any meds/discomfort to yourself when the facts are so yucky for lack of a better word but i wish you much luck & hope you get a BFP.
One more word of advice: research anything to help w/egg quality. I'm sure there's something out there that could possibly help.
One more thing - I'm surprised that you found a clinic who does IVF on a woman 46. I've checked the stats on cdc.org - less than 1% has had success in women 45+ who use their own eggs via IVF. Of course that's in the United States - not worldwide.
Sorry to report such grim stats again. I guess I hate to see you waste any meds/discomfort to yourself when the facts are so yucky for lack of a better word but i wish you much luck & hope you get a BFP.
One more word of advice: research anything to help w/egg quality. I'm sure there's something out there that could possibly help.
I really do hope this all works out for you. I have become much much stronger in my faith in the LORD. Through him all things are possible. Just try to take thngs one day one issue at a time so that you do not stress too much during this trying time. I must add though that I believe in the work of the LORD but I also believe in medicine as HE put doctors on this Earth to help us out and help him do HIS will as well. Although Drs are not the final say, they play a big role. So I hope your Dr leads you on the right path and your faith in GOD will get you thru it.
Stay positive. Keep us updated on your progress. If it is His will for you NOW, it will be
xo,
marline
Stay positive. Keep us updated on your progress. If it is His will for you NOW, it will be
xo,
marline
Hello ladies!
Thank you all for your heartfelt and knowledgable feedback.
I have thought about it a lot and was very surprised that the Dr. even agreed to go ahead with my eggs... provided he can get them out safe and sound etc. etc. etc.
If there was an easy option to get donor eggs I might consider, but in my area there isn't.
Besides, I would use my daughter's, as that would be a biological link, but to use another donor egg would not help my heart ache. Recall, he has children from other women, it was our baby that was never given a chance all those years ago. I figure that medical interventions stopped what should have been then, so the least I can do is use the same medical interventions to try to remedy that.
If it does't work, I think perhaps I will finally be able to let it rest. I have done all that I can.
the end
or just possibly?? a beginning
Thank you all for your heartfelt and knowledgable feedback.
I have thought about it a lot and was very surprised that the Dr. even agreed to go ahead with my eggs... provided he can get them out safe and sound etc. etc. etc.
If there was an easy option to get donor eggs I might consider, but in my area there isn't.
Besides, I would use my daughter's, as that would be a biological link, but to use another donor egg would not help my heart ache. Recall, he has children from other women, it was our baby that was never given a chance all those years ago. I figure that medical interventions stopped what should have been then, so the least I can do is use the same medical interventions to try to remedy that.
If it does't work, I think perhaps I will finally be able to let it rest. I have done all that I can.
the end
or just possibly?? a beginning
Also I wanted to mention....they will probably get about (if you are lucky) 7 eggs from you and they will shoot you up with about $9K worth of fertility meds. You are advanced maternal age and will need a lot. Of those 7 eggs, you will be lucky if 5 or 6 are mature and then expect 3 to fertilize (even with ISCI). and if you are lucky one will make to 3-day stage, more than likely you won't make it the ideal 5-day stage. So your chances at 3-day is very low and then if you do get pregnant ...and I am not trying to be mean you will miscarry. And this is only if you're lucky enough not to get your cycle cancelled.
Check your docs stats...how many women over 45 have gotten pregnant, let alone a take home baby. In the big city of Phoenix, according to SART results only 1 woman .... and I have no idea if that was a take home baby.
Of course I hope you prove me wrong. But seriously save yourself the grief.
Yes it does hurt to have your ovaries puncture....it's very very unconfortable.
There is a HUGH difference between 37 and 46...you can't even begin to compare yourself to your mom. If I were 37 I would be having babies left and right....The cut off mark is seriously about 42.
Check your docs stats...how many women over 45 have gotten pregnant, let alone a take home baby. In the big city of Phoenix, according to SART results only 1 woman .... and I have no idea if that was a take home baby.
Of course I hope you prove me wrong. But seriously save yourself the grief.
Yes it does hurt to have your ovaries puncture....it's very very unconfortable.
There is a HUGH difference between 37 and 46...you can't even begin to compare yourself to your mom. If I were 37 I would be having babies left and right....The cut off mark is seriously about 42.
Hello...I am 42 and when i was 38 or 39 I was trying to get pregnant. I thought so long as I had my period on a regular basis I was fine and that I wouldn't have any fertility issues. Well I was wrong...had not clue about "old" eggs. I could get pregnant easily but each time I would miscarry...and this isn't because I have frequent miscarriage history, it's because my eggs are old! Before I was 29 I had two sucessful pregnancies and not issues trying to conceive. Therefore I am 95% sure my problem now is more related to my "old" eggs and hence I'd get pregnant and miscarry. It is the ugly truth and happens to many women who are say older than 38 or 39. There are so many issues with our eggs that you will more than likely miscarry due to chromosomal anomiles (sp?).
So I am now current pregnant, but we had to use donor eggs. And that's that....I'm not saying miracles can't happen because you never know...but the stats are ugly. Not to mention you are such a high risk for down's syndrome because of your age. I know it's happend for many women, but they are really far and few between.
It's an emotional roller coaster TTC and you're probably going to be on it if you're using your own eggs at this point. Not to mention time and money involved on fruitless endeavors. I've been through it.
I am really not trying to be a bump on a log, this is just the ugly truth and since you are 46, you're doc is probably right and you would have much better sucess using donor eggs.
So I am now current pregnant, but we had to use donor eggs. And that's that....I'm not saying miracles can't happen because you never know...but the stats are ugly. Not to mention you are such a high risk for down's syndrome because of your age. I know it's happend for many women, but they are really far and few between.
It's an emotional roller coaster TTC and you're probably going to be on it if you're using your own eggs at this point. Not to mention time and money involved on fruitless endeavors. I've been through it.
I am really not trying to be a bump on a log, this is just the ugly truth and since you are 46, you're doc is probably right and you would have much better sucess using donor eggs.
Oh yes, and re the donor issue. Here in Canada you are not allowed to "buy" anonymous eggs. You have to find your own known donor and they promote that you use close family members, such as sisters. ( mine is 8 years older than me!).
That is why my now 24 year old daughter seemed to be a good fit. She and I have a good relationship and she thought it would be neat to do.
Still, I totally understand the ethical issues. However, one could make ethical arguments about every aspect of ART really.
That is why my now 24 year old daughter seemed to be a good fit. She and I have a good relationship and she thought it would be neat to do.
Still, I totally understand the ethical issues. However, one could make ethical arguments about every aspect of ART really.
Hi All,
Thanks for all the well wishes and blessings. I think I may try, as there is a chance, be it a very small one.
I wish I would have got onto this immediately when X and I were reunited, but there was so much other stuff to contend with. But, 41 can almost be as bad as 46, right?
Who knows though?? We were both successful having children with other people, and were pregant together years ago. My mum had me at 37 and had to go on birth control for fear of having more. I am still ovluating, such as they are, and apparently my follicles look good for an old gal. I am pretty healthy, never smoked and have been involved with fitness my whole life, so the rest of me sort of looks about 10 years younger. Ya ya, I know eggs tell no lies!
But, when I trun over the options in my mind, there really isn't anything in the world that I want more than this. So, would I feel more fulfilled to use my money to buy something fancy, ( that I may or may not need), with that little seed of doubt left ... that I never totally did ALL all I could? NO, I don't think so.
So, Does it hurt a lot to have one's eggs asprirated? What is that process like?
Thanks for all the well wishes and blessings. I think I may try, as there is a chance, be it a very small one.
I wish I would have got onto this immediately when X and I were reunited, but there was so much other stuff to contend with. But, 41 can almost be as bad as 46, right?
Who knows though?? We were both successful having children with other people, and were pregant together years ago. My mum had me at 37 and had to go on birth control for fear of having more. I am still ovluating, such as they are, and apparently my follicles look good for an old gal. I am pretty healthy, never smoked and have been involved with fitness my whole life, so the rest of me sort of looks about 10 years younger. Ya ya, I know eggs tell no lies!
But, when I trun over the options in my mind, there really isn't anything in the world that I want more than this. So, would I feel more fulfilled to use my money to buy something fancy, ( that I may or may not need), with that little seed of doubt left ... that I never totally did ALL all I could? NO, I don't think so.
So, Does it hurt a lot to have one's eggs asprirated? What is that process like?
I'm 46 as well, me "OLD' eggs, him, low counts. 2 rounds of IVF with ICSI, one no success, 2nd MC with twins at 9 weeks. Now have 3 embryos frozen, just waiting for my period, now they've stopped as well. A sign from GOD I think to stop. Our hearts are broken. Yes miracles do happen but science and age is against those of us 45+, not impossible I suppose, just improbable. Hard to admit but probably what nature intended. Only your own heart will lead you. All the best, and many blessings.
Sweetie Pie a pyschic is not the answer. The Heavenly Father is who you should turn. You must count your blessing. You already have been blessed with children. Those kids was a gift and the new baby to come will be a blessing as well. Just hold on and be strong and everything will work out find.
I was 43 when I first tried IVF w/my own eggs - actually the stats are even grimmer than 2-3% - it's more like 1-2 for 45+.
My cycle was cancelled due to lack of ovarian stimulation - very, very common in women in their mid-40s so we used donor eggs. It was the best decision we made regarding fertility.
I wish I had more hope to offer - donor eggs for sure are your best bet in having a baby w/this man. Our donor was anonymous - I don't think I'd feel comfortable using my 22 year old dd's eggs but that's me.
My cycle was cancelled due to lack of ovarian stimulation - very, very common in women in their mid-40s so we used donor eggs. It was the best decision we made regarding fertility.
I wish I had more hope to offer - donor eggs for sure are your best bet in having a baby w/this man. Our donor was anonymous - I don't think I'd feel comfortable using my 22 year old dd's eggs but that's me.
Wow, this is pretty neat to have such feedback immediately. Thank you!
I have wanted to talk to someone about this, but I haven't dared, as I know that people would say how foolish/selfish I'm being. I know I am old, and I know I have already been blessed to have had children. But, they are grown up and my former life is gone. (My X even destroyed all my photos and mother's day cards that I had kept all those years).
Regardless, I am in a state of confusion. Mr. X called the Dr. and confirmed that there was plenty of potential sperm. However, as expected, Dr. said he strongly discourages us from proceeding. Huge cost and I only have a 5% chance of getting pregnant with my old eggs, combined with a whopping 90% chance of MC.ARg!!
I appreciate the spiritual thoughts. They stand in contrast to my desire to find a good pyschic! What to do?
I think I need to read more about how dangerous egg harvesting is... IS IT?
I have wanted to talk to someone about this, but I haven't dared, as I know that people would say how foolish/selfish I'm being. I know I am old, and I know I have already been blessed to have had children. But, they are grown up and my former life is gone. (My X even destroyed all my photos and mother's day cards that I had kept all those years).
Regardless, I am in a state of confusion. Mr. X called the Dr. and confirmed that there was plenty of potential sperm. However, as expected, Dr. said he strongly discourages us from proceeding. Huge cost and I only have a 5% chance of getting pregnant with my old eggs, combined with a whopping 90% chance of MC.ARg!!
I appreciate the spiritual thoughts. They stand in contrast to my desire to find a good pyschic! What to do?
I think I need to read more about how dangerous egg harvesting is... IS IT?
I agree with "wanting 4#1". There is nothing that God can't handle. If God can give Abraham and Sarah a baby at a late age, he can turn your situation around. Keep the faith. In addition, I keep a daily prayer journal and I will lift you up in prayer.
I don't have any words of wisdom for you, I'm sorry! But in these situations, I always turn to the One with all the answers - talk to Him! He'll tell you what the right thing to do is - you just need to listen! ;)
good luck!
good luck!
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