Turning 45- 1 failed IVF -Is donor egg better than trying again with my own eggs?

[penny9]

I am turing 45. I just went through one IVF and did not get pregnant. My insurance will cover three more tries. Although my doctor told me that he has had zero patients over 45 get pregnant. He is hopeful that I will be his first patient. I am in good heath and exercise, but I don't think this really helps to make my eggs younger. My question is should I try again with my own eggs or should I go the route of donor egg. Of course my husband and I would have to pay for donor egg out of our own pocket, but we are prepared to do this.  I did not like going through the IVF process the first time, but ideally, I would love to get pregnant with my own eggs. After hearing several womans stories over 45 it seems like it's almost impossible to get pregnant wtih your own eggs. I know it can happen, but is more a rarity than the norm. It also sounds like if I did get pregnant that there is also 60/70% chance that I would have a miscarriage. Does anyone have any success stories? Or with all the information out, is it best to go the route at my age of donor egg?

[beccainmex]

I will never try IVF, it's a racket. There's an island in the south Pacific where no women have children until their 40-50s. All naturally. It breaks my heart to hear of all of these sad failed IVF attempts. I'm nearly 44 and just got pregnant after the first try since my new husband's vasectomy reversal. We both have our own children but would love one together. My two are 5 and 7 and we know the risks, but natural life and death are in God's hands. Good luck to everyone!

[beccainmex]

I will never try IVF, it's a racket. There's an island in the south Pacific where no women have children until their 40-50s. All naturally. It breaks my heart to hear of all of these sad failed IVF attempts. I'm nearly 44 and just got pregnant after the first try since my new husband's vasectomy reversal. We both have our own children but would love one together. My two are 5 and 7 and we know the risks, but natural life and death are in God's hands. Good luck to everyone!

[A_Muse4u]

clormadinona/Lutoral 5 mg.  donor egg transfer=DET.  Doc just said my . would come down & prepare my endometrium for accepting the DET.  I'm ready, it's just my . that's vanished since last mo.  (?)

[40smama]

I'm not sure what DET is - you'll have to explain that acronym.  What med did your re have you on?  Was it Prometrium?

[A_Muse4u]

mistake:  f we don't have DET this mo., we'll have 2wait 'till nxt cycle, not nxt mo.  Oops!  

[A_Muse4u]

I am on meds, again.  Last mo., I took them for 5 days, & my . didn't come down.  This mo., again, I took meds for 5 consecutive days.  Yesterday was the 5th day.  Doc informed us that f AF doesn't come down, in a wk., 2go in &c him.  Doc said f there is no DET this mo., then we'll have 2 wait 'till nxt. mo.  We'll probably go in 2c him on the 19th.  I may b in menopause.  (?)  I've never skipped a period this long.  It's been 51 days since my last1.  I had an u/s, last wk., & we thought we were + for a lil while.  

[40smama]

You should contact your re's office and see about getting a med to jump start AF if indeed that's the case.

[A_Muse4u]

Well, AF didn't come down, last mo.  So, we're still waiting.  If we don't have a DET this mo, then we will have 2 wait 'till nxt. cycle.  :(  Hopefully, AF will come down this week.  If not, then we go into the doc's ofc. 2c what is goin' on & what is goin' 2happen nxt.  Keep prayin', y'all!  O:-)

[ginabeans]

So, I just read through this entire thread, and now that I am " in the game" so to speak, it makes more sense to me. I just wrote the following on my thread, but am going to paste it here as well. I was reading posts out loud to my husband, (I know he is getting tired of this obsession of mine-- but I can't get the topic out of my head), and he is not interested in donor eggs or embryos.

Funny, I think I like the idea of the donor embryos, as then the baby is just as much mine as his--but he really thinks that is nuts. He did surprise me by saying, that we should try one more egg retrieval with the standard suppression that the Dr. recommended and if it doesn't work, then can the whole operation.

Anyway, to follow is what happened to me as a just-turned-46 year old. I use to feel youthful before this all started. sigh.Lots to read. Sorry, my head is too full!


OK, now i get it, and not in a good way.

My period came just when I expected it. The USound and hormone level checked at day 2. Two follicles had begun to grown already, but Dr. decided to by-pass his usual 3 week suppression with the pill and Suprefact and began the stimulation drugs right away. Did the horrible injections for 5 days. The meds cost almost 5 k! I didn't count on the drugs alone costing that much. How can you be all calm and receptive when you are shooting thousands of dollars into your gut with your husband telling you how much your dream is costing.The research says stress effects the process by reducing effectiveness of IVF by 30-40%!

Went in after 5 days and the 2 lead follicles were reading to go with the rest way behind. Cycle cancelled. So 2 days later now, my abdomen is actually feeling fuller than ever and it was all for nothing. He said when we try it next time he will suppress me first, but I don't know if the main reason we cancelled was because he will only do min 3 follicles and they weren't all going to be ready at the same time, OR more ominously, that with all the drugs, maybe I should have had 20 follicles all set to burst... if i wasn't so OLD that is? I don't even know the reasoning, as the Dr. zooms in and out so fast and I am in too much shock to think straight.

I also wasn't prepared for how profoundly disappointed I was with the cancellation news.I walked out to the waiting room, with the idea of asking the nurses some clarifying questions, but when the room was full of people and a BABY, I just kept walking... with the dust booties still on my feet. I didn't even notice. I just wanted to escape.

I am such a light weight. Sobbing in the car ... I don't think I could stand to MC or face all the other stages that other women have hit their disappointments.

My rational mind says, take the money and go for a vacation. This is emotional self-torture. But, then i think to myself, to not go again, is to forever say good bye to a 30 year old dream. And I cry all over again. This is agony.

[angelbaby_09]

I'm 45 and CD32/16DP3DT/19DPER.

My 1st beta came in low at 15 - but the nurse said it was probably because the embie implanted late.

I went for my 2nd beta toady - waiting for the results.

[A_Muse4u]

I forgot to mention . . . !!!HAPPY BLESSED NEW YEAR!!!

[A_Muse4u]

I just wanted to let you all know that DH & I are going to have our 2nd DET, hopefully nxt. mo.  We're just waiting for AF to show up, go see Doc, and begin preparing for our Valentine-Baby.  Blessed Baby Dust To Us All, amen.  O:-)

[40smama]

Even though this was written a month ago, I thought I'd post a little ditty to it.  The stats are indeed grim for all of us women 43+ going through IVF.  I agree that it's a personal decision - one that each of us have to make for ourselves.  My story:  I went through one cycle of IVF (or almost since the cycle was cancelled the day before retrieval due to lack of ovarian stimulation).  I decided that I couldn't take a similar disappointment so my husband and I went straight to donor eggs.

We couldn't be happier w/the result but that's me.  I have no recommendations for the above poster or the op - only do what's right for you - even if your husband disagrees.

[chgo1girl]

I am 47 and went through 4 rounds of IVF with my own eggs starting at age 45. Each time we got between 1 and 5 eggs. They always fertilized.  Three times we put them back in at 3 days and once we waited until 5 days.  None worked. I have two kids from my first marriage but my husband doesn't have any children and requires a biological child.  he wants me to use donor eggs.  we are in a constant struggle with this. He says i should do it for him since i already have biological kids. I just dont know if i can bond with a child at my age nor am i happy about having a child when i would be 48.

bottom line - the answer depends on how YOU feel and what would make YOU happy.  I kept trying with my own eggs and don't regret doing so.

[sulis]

hi I'm 45 and really want to have a baby using my husbands and my egg and sperm.We tried one ivf cycle with 2 healthy embryos transfered into my uteres, but I didn't get pregnant. I was wondering if I had our next embryo transfereed to a surrogate. Maybe that would work. can anyone give advise.
Thank you Dessi.

[kp1212]

The concept of using donor embryos is great, and there are alot of positives.  However, what I have read (which may or may not be accurate, I suppose), is that many frozen embryos are not "ideal" as they were conceived with eggs of women who were older, etc.  Also, it cannot be forgotten that there is a natural desire to conceive with your own genetics.  If that isn't possible with your eggs, then at least you may be able to do that with DH's sperm and a donor egg.  
It is such a personal choice and noone should feel guilty or pressured for going a particular route be it another IVF cylce, doner eggs, donor embryos or adoption.
For the record, I am 37 and am looking into DE's, as well as other options...
  

[zansi]

Hi I am 45 and trying with my own eggs. I had my first IVF failed - my embryos did not make it to blasto stage. I made my mind to try two more times with my own eggs and I am not sure if will ever try donnor eggs. For me issue of using donnor egg is a huge leap.. I such decision is very difficult and very personal. Perhaps the best advice is one SHP gave you - to listen to your heart. I had several letters suggesting that I am loosing my time on my own eggs from woman that are doing donnor eggs or had baby from donnor eggs. I also had few letters supporting idea of using my own eggs. I am not really ready for donnor egg and it was more meaningfull for me the support  I got from those that are in my age group and doing IVF with their own eggs. But if I was thinking of donnor eggs I would probably want to hear more of those stories. Whichever way you decide I wish you luck with your IVF.

[mysty2001]

I am trying my hardest to spread the word
PLEASE PLEASE consider using donor embryos - there are millions of embryos out there waiting for parents
ask your doctor, go to the national donor site, or go to Cooper center donor embryos program (IN  new jersey conatct kerry wulson)
at 45 your doc will probably suggest donor eggs
BUT why not save the money and prevent any more unwanted babies (after all if you get a 22 year old donor what happens to all the babies you create that you don;t use!)
you can save over ten thousand dollars and get some peace of mind
donor embryos are really a great idea

[ZionWall]

The desire to use your own egg is what we all want.  I am 44 year old and going through the same thing. Life is so unfair.  Maybe considering donor eggs because the cost and the risk.  If you can afford it, they try another IVF with your eggs once, but no more. It is so hard and depressing that you will not have a genetic link to the child.  But the goal is to take home a baby.  

[tina1111]

Are they doing PGD with your IVF? It can rule out a lot of the problem embryos that have genetic problems and reduce chances of mc.

http://www.pgd-baby.com/

Welcome to the forum! We have an embryologist (I think is spelled that wrong)on our forum. She has a little drs logo by her name. If you scroll back a few pages, you'll see her. Click on her and send her a message. She is incredibly helpful and so very knowledgable. I wish I could help more.

[SHP]

You have to try what you feel in your heart.  You cannot move to a donor egg until you are ready.  Only you and your husband know what to do.  Follow your heart and then you won't look back in regret.