40smama - Question

[YvetteY]

Hi...I saw on your profile you're over 40.  Me too!!  How is your TTC journey going or are you TTC or pregnant?    If you're pregnant, how long did it take or did you accidently get pregnant.

I would love to hear your story.  I'm also over 40.   I've been getting pregnant (4x) and I keep losing them.    Right now I'm 2nd attempt with IUI and this time with injectibles.  I'm very disappointed about losing them, I didn't think i'd have problems; I had no idea that the eggs go bad when you're over 40.   I thought as long as I had my period on a regular basis I'd be okay. Suprise ! Suprise.    We've been trying since about june of last year.   We are going to start IVF if ths cycle of IUI doesn't work.  Doc wanted to do the IUI because he wanted to see how I'd react to injectibles.  So far reacting pretty good.

[goodapples]

Can I jump in here? I'm new, in the middle of a DE cycle and am still not sure of all this.  Do any of you have any doubts about how you will feel about the baby?  Especially if you already have one of your own.  Or, do you know anyone that has had a DE baby?  Any responses will be appreciated.

[Baby-Germy]

Jennifer, have fun where ever you are going, thank you for keeping me positive!! transfer was on 9/15 1055am exact time - 2 embies were transferred 1 Grade 1 and the other Grade 2. The donor is a much younger woman, we don't know her, we only have a profile, which suited us perfectly.  take care and speak to you when you get back!
Love
Baby-Germy(Gemma)

[40smama]

Gemma - am going to be out commission for a couple of days so I'll post to you when I get back.  I wouldn't be at all surprised if your test comes out to be a BFP.  I too had a lot of cramps before the test.  Out of curiosity, what day did you transfer your embies and how many did you transfer?

[Baby-Germy]

Yeah, Gosh!! I too think the same as you, but here in Europe/UK you have to register, it is dumb we think, my DH too said, you will be the mother as the baby will grow from your womb and blood.... never mind, I had an issue about that in the beginning, and was debating to go to the US again, until I saw the counsellor, well that is something I have put behind me now and await positive news for the 28th.... Hoping and praying it will be positive, have had a lot of cramping last night and am not sure it is good or bad?? thank you for the positive info, will surely keep you posted!! keep well and await to hear from you.... Bye for now Jen! speak to you soon!
Love
Baby-Germy(Gemma)

[40smama]

Gosh I think the law that says you have to register w/the govt if using donor eggs is ridiculous!  I'm sorry but I don't consider the donor of our eggs the mother except for the obvious genetic connection (maybe that sounds naive?).  I mean after all as my dh has pointed out, I have a greater bond w/baby than even he does and he's the biological father.  We share the same blood and body so it really makes no sense to me.  I don't even know the name of the donor!  Sorry to rant on..........

The costs in other countries was quite an eye opener for me.  It would've made an ivf cycle w/donor eggs almost out of the picture for dh and myself.  Anyway, am glad that you've completed your cycle.  It does sound that you're having lots of positive symptoms so we'll look forward to the 28th for the good news from your dr.  Please keep me posted!!!! :-)  jen

[Baby-Germy]

nice to hear from you Jennifer, have had spotting and dull low back pain so far, have bn informed that it is normal and insignificant.  Have been trying since 2002, and have looked at IVF clinics around the world - in Europe/UK there is a law, you have to register with the govt if you use donor eggs, so that the child out of that IVF can know when 18 who is the mother or father!! which you do not have in the US and Canada, one simply pays for the donor.  The donor fees are GBP6600.00 + IVF fees paid separately i.e another GBP2700.00 - In Germany, it work around US$30,000/- and in Spain, it works around US$22,000/- so in comparison to the US, I think it is more expensive, not to mention one has to then fund the living costs, and you are in a hotel/motel so you don't have any privacy - having gone thru all that, I was ready to call it a day - until my DH got transferred back home, so we decided to give it a try, so I am really looking forward to the 28th and hoping all the signs I am having are positive - I feel tired, with a metallic taste in the mouth, and low back pain - with also cramping during the night!! praying all will be well.  Do keep posting as I would like to hear from you ladies!! although am 48, don't feel the age - even my doc said he would put me for 35, that was flattering with grey hair and all!!
Love
Baby-Germy

[40smama]

Baby - You must be soooo excited for the 28th to come around!  I hope that everything works out great.  There are several of us who've used donor eggs so you're definitely not alone!  Gosh, I thought ivf w/donor would be MORE expensive in the us than everywhere else because I've heard of several women from US going international for ivf although I don't know what their success rates are.  Please post and let us know how you're doing - jennifer

[Baby-Germy]

Wow, I accidentally clicked on to this forum, like azortho hv spent time searching for the forum!! happened to read your post about the age thing, I am 48 and have had my 1st IVF with donor eggs transferred on the 9/15 and am on the 2ww - I go in for test on the 9/28!! it is definately cheaper in the US, for IVF's and donor cycles believe me - I have spent some time in the US trying for the IVF - I too have a daughter from my previous marriage and DH has none - so am really hoping this will work, as everything show positive, but I keep m/c - all the IVF's have taken, but m/c at 5th week and onwards... thanks for all the info, pls keep connected, I am so happy I found this forum! as we have recently moved back home (UK), hence we felt it will be good to try the IVF one last time, I know when you ladies r talking about exhaustion... believe me I have had to travel every time we did the IVF's (US, Canada, Germany and Dubai) - so now, I am praying that when we are in our home country, hope it works!!
Love
Baby-Germy

[40smama]

Yeah - wasn't it the one home pregnancy after ivf possibly correct?  I was on that one for awhile & typed a message to rfrost yesterday when i saw that she was back on the forum.

[azortho]

I was on a different message board with other ivf patients who were doing hpt's and waiting for their beta's, Now I can't seem to find that message board again.  Any help?
40smama, you were on that board along with nikki10 and guiness, and rfrost?  Do you happen to know which site that was?
Thanks

[YvetteY]

Hey there....I know they can see the baby when the HCG is about 1000 - or rather the gestational sac.   That was about 5 w for me and then the can actually see the baby's hb on the U/S at about 7w1d to about 7w5d.    HB should be there by 7w5d!   I'm sure your little bean is healthy and happy!!!!

[40smama]

My 1st u/s is at 7w 1d (the 14th) - I'm w/you; I just want to see my little "tadpole" (that's what we call our little embie) on that screen.  Your beta should double every 48 hours (or something like that).  Look at whattoexpect.com & I think that they have better info than I do although there are women on this forum who can really answer that question better than myself.  Good luck to you and take care of that little 'bean'!!

[40smama]

I'll be praying for you that you get that BFP!  I agree - the odds are so much better - sad but true.  It took a couple of hard knocks for me to see the light because I don't feel old; just couldn't imagine that my eggs did!  Anyway GOOD LUCK and post to us & let us know how you're doing!

[40smama]

OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!!!  I'm so excited for you!!!!!!!!  Your beta makes me want to cry w/joy!  Don't you dare feel guilty - you've gone through some stuff yourself to even get to this point - like that lovely 10 day wait!  I'm so happy for you!  I know what you mean about getting out of the woods part - but you can still celebrate!  I'm so happy for you and like someone else said on a different thread - stick little bean; stick and grow!

[YvetteY]

OMG Congratulations!!  It works!!   Sounds like the key to this is using donor eggs.    I'm very excited for you!!!    

[babyprayers]

A mock cycle is one where they give me estrace for like 2 weeks then have me go back in for an ultrasound, they do this to make sure I am building up an adequate uterine lining to support a pregnancy. all went well with that. Yes a split donor is just that, she splits her eggs between 2 people, so I chose her now I am waiting for someone else to choose the same donor, that way we each pay half, my half ends up being 6200 dollars, which is cheaper then 11000 which is what it would cost if I was using all her eggs. The thing is I cannot do this 2 times so I felt no point in taking all the eggs myself and freezing them as I cannot afford to keep doing IVF. I am praying to the gods the first time works, it seems as though the odds are in my favor with donor eggs. guess time will tell.

[40smama]

Hi you guys!

babyprayers - I think you're doing the right thing.  I'm with you about spending all that $$ and for nothing.  I do wish in my situation that my re, especially regarding my age, had been more upfront about using my own eggs.  I know you've got a couple strikes against you - your anemia - & I know that I had a big one facing me about my age.  I don't know if she just looked at earlier tests & thought well,  I guess it's okay to try one cycle w/her own eggs.  It's too late now but boy was I angry earlier when I thought about it cuz I thought she kind of let me fall between the cracks just on letting me know what was going on w/me.  I would've gone to another re except I'm out in the  middle of nowhere w/out many options.  Well, I'm happy now so I really shouldn't gripe about her and we did have it out once about communication.  A couple of questions - what's a mock cycle and a split donor?  Is it something were the donor gives eggs once and two couples split them??  I have no idea....

Yvette - Capitan is not far from where I live & the mountains up there are gorgeous!  I'm very sorry about your mom - when I lost my dad, I was pretty crushed (he was only 52 now it seems so young).  I know you gotta be missing your mom especially right now - it makes me wish that I could be closer to mine.  About your mom's ashes, you do what feels right to you.  It's hard to let go.  You keep posting & keep me updated - I'll also do the same.  I go this Friday for a progesterone check - I'm nervous about that - paranoid I know.  Ya'll take care :-)

[YvetteY]

Hey there!

Just trying to get caught up after this wonderful 3 day weekend.  So nice!!  

I'm with guys on the donor eggs .   I really think that's the way to go at our age. I'm just hanging in there to see what's going to happen.  Tomorrow will be a week since IUI, but I'm not too worked up about it.  

This weekend I went to an old friends house.  We are like family and it was nice to be around them again.  Once of her nieces showed up and she is 21 and I was so coveting her eggs.   I was thinking about asking her to be our donor and of course we'd pay her.  She is such a pretty girl too.   She's a bit of a wild child, but she's going to ASU and working.  I'm not sure what's holding us back, maybe it's the money that's involved.  We have insurance for infertility, but I'm fairly certain it's not going to pay for donor eggs.  

Diane - have you had your blood test yet.  I will be so excited if it works.  

40smama - Yes it is a small world.  The normal people in my family tree all come from New Mexico and they are still living there.  My mom and dad were both born there.  I think a lot of them are in the Santa Fe area.  My grandpa was born in Capitan New Mexico and we have many many stories in our family about how his grandmother hid Billy the Kid in a trunk from Sheriff Peppin.   Crazy! Huh!!

My mom recently passed away (age 61) in March of this year.  I was devastated.   I want to take her ashes along with my grandma and grandpa's to Capitan and spread them in the moutains or something.  But I haven't been able to let go of them yet.  

[babyprayers]

hi, I too am going to do IVF with donor, right now we did a mock cycle, and I chose my donor, I am doing a split donor so I am waiting for someone else to choose the same donor I did, I am 39 years old, and I have one DD who is 9 by a previous marriage. I have been thru 6 IUI's all failed. I have hypotalmic ammenorhea and I do not get my period unless induced. (I was lucky with my daughter)  My RE truly felt my eggs were of poor quality, and I did not want to spend 10000 plus dollars on IVF with only a 10% chance of conception. my percentage is much higher using donor. anyway.. thats where I am at. I am so looking forward to getting pregnant, I wish you both the best of luck

[40smama]

Girl, how are you doing?  Haven't heard from you so just wanted to check on you.  Read several of your posts.  Anyway, write back if you want & keep me updated :-)!

[40smama]

Thanks for sharing about your pregnancies.  It's been so long since I've been pregnant that I honestly don't remember how it was.

It's really cool that you got to look at pictures.  Like I said, I wasn't even offered the option.  Ours was 22 year old college student & I got her medical, social, psychological histories & a description of what she looked like.  I think you should have lots of hope.  Doing an hpt that early I think doesn't count in my book.  One thing my re said that implantation can happen either 2-7 days post transfer  & from what I read, it takes a couple more days for the hcg to get into your blood..

I researched issues about amnio & found that obs will generally do amnios if the need for them warrants bigger than the rate of miscarriage.  I am not doing it.  I'm not taking any chances which reminds me of a genetic counselor/high risk ob whom I saw before my 1st ivf who said that generally ivf patients will not do very many prenatal tests.  Duh - I hadn't even been through anything yet & I knew the answer to that one!

Anyway, post back to me when you can & let me know how you're doing - my update is my hcg was at 2745 so a very big relief.  My sister had me worked up thinking I had miscarried.  Baby dust to both of you....

[40smama]

I'm not sure why my re was pushing us to decide what to do w/the frozen embryos; the only thing that makes sense to me is that she probably has lots of couples who want a transfer even if it's totally not biologically related to them.  I did tell her that I wasn't in any hurry to make a decision like that.  It definitely gives me a funny feeling to consider donating them to science.  My husband is strange in that he's comfortable w/that - he says conception begins w/implantation - but he & I agree to disagree w/that issue.

We only transferred one because the embryologist and re gave me an 85% chance of becoming pregnant due to the quality of the embryo (there were two who were really good - that seemed ridiculously high - but my husband who's a pharmacist kind of sided w/them when they started talking about the risk of multiple birth w/older moms.  They said that transferring two wouldn't increase my chances of getting pregnant and the thing we wanted most was a healthy mommy and baby.  To answer your question, I would've loved to have twins.  I hope this helps.  I was wondering - it's been so long since I've been pregnant - at which week did you start to get morning sickness?  My only symptoms seem to be fatigue and tender boobs.  I hope everything is okay - tomorrow I go for my next beta hcg test.

Post back & let me know how you're doing.  My sister by the way lives in Scottsdale and my oldest daughter for two years went to ASU.  Small world huh.....

[40smama]

It's so nice to meet someone else that's basically going through the same thing that I am.  To be honest, I was really questioning the donor situation at first, but as time went on, I realized that my re was right- for me it was the way to go.  And I also agree that it definitely is one last thing to worry about although my re said that I should still get an amnio - i was surprised at that.  I really don't want one, but if I absolutely have to, I will.  Do you think you will get one?

I cheated & took an hpt after 9 days post transfer and it was positive, but I'm with you - for a long time (or it seemed that way) I resisted that because I didn't want to see a negative result and get worried.  I wouldn't have taken even that hpt except the nurse at the office said it was okay - weird, huh?!

I wish you the best luck.  I hope that you'll post & let me know your results.  I'm wishing baby dust to ya!!!

[YvetteY]

Yes, the donor route definitely seems the way to go.  I'm suspect we'd use a unknown donor.  There is an egg donor broker here in Phoenix and you get to see their pictures, now, childhood and baby...so that's pretty nice.  

I guess we are going to try IVF was a couple of times and if that doesn't work than onto donor eggs.  I wouldn't mind twins.   Especially since it's more than likely a last shot.  

I don't like the idea of freezing them, donating to another couple or to science.  I especially wouldn't donate to science.   I would not mind donating to another couple.  

I really don't know what I'd do with 14 frozen embryos.   I guess I will cross that bridge when I cross it.  I'm Catholic and I know they are opposed to IVF and what not.  I guess I have trouble with the fact that I believe life begins at conception and feeling obligation to give each one of the frozen ones a chance at life.  

Seems weird that you mention they were so pushy about what to do with left overs.  

40smama - why did they just want to transfer 1?  Would you have wanted 2?