By the way-I quit smoking not chewing-lol
Sweetie I hope things get better b/c I think the big problem is that is at a bar getting drunk every night..... he can't be ready to be a dad if he has a drinking problem...and yes he is being extremely selfish, I am sorry you have to have deal with that while ttc :(
I do think he has a drinking problem. We have been together for about 13 yrs and married for 4 1/2 and we have had our ups and downs with his drinking. I am 32 and he is 35 and I just don't want to wait any longer to start a family. And that is probably selfish of me so I have mixed feelings about that too. I'm also thinking that if I dont get pregnant then maybe that is a sign. I'm scared to death of never having kids but am also scared that I will be raising them with a part time dad who is too busy drinking. Maybe it's the hormones talking but I am just really emotional today and things are really weighing on my mind. Thanks for listening.
Hello!
i am not a shrink but it sounds like your husband is having a difficult time processing the whole ivf process. everyone handles stress in thier own way . if we could all be drinking during this process, i am sure we would be to relieve the stress but its bad for the baby.
so he is drinking for both of you... maybe buy the beer and have him home drinking . maybe he has another source of stress that you could talk to him about? work?
my thoughts on this might not help , but thats what these forums are for, so we can help each other..
I agree with beleitheil to buy the beer and have it home..... but i don't think it's the IVF process making him drink b/c you said yourself he has been doing this for a while...... BUT I would NOT let this stop you from having a child.... I am 34 pushing 35 and I really wish we had done this years ago.... but if you have a chance to have a child now, do it... don't wait... and if he is going to be a full or part time dad..... do it either way other wise you will regret it...
And if you have to resort to donor.... then that's what you have to do ;)
hello friend,
i think prayin4miracle is on to something about being confused about the whole ivf process. however, i think it maybe a bit more than this.... not knowing what happens pre ttc given the fact that we were put here on the earth to multiply this not being able to conceive could really be a big emotional trauma in addition to any other additional stress factors. i cannot say i agree in continuing on with out the support of the husband. only adding a child could multiply your sorrows. especially as the child grows... what will he/she learn of these habits? you will be in mommy heaven and he will be doing his own thing it could cause even more distance. i don't know that i have ever heard having a baby "fixes" problems. except for once... a korean friend married a girl from hawaii, his parents were very upset about the whole thing. got a honeymoon baby and that seemed to lessen the tension between her and the in-laws.
i will pray for you that he can see he is wasting, time, money, brain, effort into those things that steal so much of the reality of life!
Thanks for all your input. I do not think that the IVF is making him drink. It seems like he just goes in cycles with that. Also this month is the 3rd anniversary of his (only) brothers death so I think that could be part of it. As far as having beer at home-we do have beer at home but he does not drink at home, he never has-its a social thing for him. He only drinks at home when we have friends over.
I am feeling better about things today, things always look better in the morning. I did have to give myself my own shot last night and it went really well. (it actually hurt less than when he does it ) Then I just went out and went for a nice long drive to have a good cry and clear my head, Came back and took a long bubble bath.
Maretree-I know that a child never solves marital problems so that is not my goal here. I know we will be good parents and I know not to drag a child into adult issues so I think we will be okay there. But I do know what you are trying to say and I have done a lot of thinking about that.
If he's getting drunk all the time he may want to seek help. That can be a reason his morphology is messed up. I personally wouldn't want to bring a child into an environment where the dad refuses to take care of himself.
dear sumo,
good morning, glad that you have already thought that through. and yes things generally are better in the morning. ;) furthermore, it is well that you both would be able to separate the marital side of things from the child. i am sorry about
just this morning i happened upon an article from cnn and i thought of you.
http://www.cnn.com/2011/LIVING/05/17/sedaka.infertility.husbands/index.html?hpt=C2
kind regards and hugs,
maretree
another link for a correlating post cnn has is here.
http://www.cnn.com/video/data/2.0/video/living/2011/05/16/orig.babymaking.fails.sedaka.cnn.html
i have not watched it but thought of you.
blessings,
~tm
wow-thanks so much. Very good article. Things have been better the past few days. I am really starting to look forward to my tests on friday too!