trying to get pregnant without penetration

[snlkennedy]

My husband and I are ready to have a baby.  The problem is that traditional sex is all but imposible for us due to physical handicaps that make penetration impossible.  While we have an active sex life and will be able to care for a child without a problem getting pregnant is the issue.  We'd like to avoid using a doctor if we can.  We would like this to be an intimate act as much as possible.  Any suggestions?

[Nat256]

When I say at home kits I'm talking more about the soft cup that I've also seen on the web. I would NOT try an at home IUI kit with a catheter as I have seen these on the web and talked with my OB/GYN  (who I trust very, very, very much) about using one because I really didn't want to see a specialist to start with either. He said that is extremely dangerous and can lead to tears, infection and/or a septic uterus. Since we have been seeing a fertility doctor I realize now how in over my head I would have been. It's a LOT more complicated than I ever would have believed, especially if your husband does indeed have a sperm count issue.

[Nat256]

I agree with Tanker Chic. I'm not saying that you shouldn't give the do it yourself at home ideas a try first, but just because you have to have an IUI doesn't make it any less special. I can't speak for anyone other than myself but I do think that most of those who have chosen to go with IUI due to a lack of other options would obviously have preferred to have kept everything at home but that it wasn't a possibility. I really hope that you don't rule it out entirely. It is a very emotional process and it was recommended (not just for emotional but to help with the fertility as well) that my husband and I be intimate after the IUI was performed.

[hnstevens1983]

Just to let you know, the softcups are actually like 5.50 at wal-mart or 8 bucks at the pharmacy (walmart was out, so I went to the pharmacy)lol.  All he has to do is ejaculate in the softcup (I'm sure you would have no problem helping him with this. You guys don't seem to be shy with each other) and you slip it inside, as high as you can get it. Go to sleep, and take it out 12 hours later. Just do this for the 2 days before ovulation, and the day of ovulation, and hope for the best.

[snlkennedy]

Thats good to know that you've gotten closer with DH.  I guess I have seen couples that have gone thru TTC and not made it out together.  I don't want that to happen.  Looking back, those couples were shaky any way and the one for sure she thought that having a baby would make him want to stay.  I hope I didn't offend you.  

[YvetteY]

At home kits:

http://www.homefertility.com/insem.html

http://www.sharedjourney.com/iui/vag_ai.html

http://www.free-sperm-donations.com/self-insemination-kits.htm




I guess this is called intra vaginal insemination.

[YvetteY]

I understand there are artificial insemination kits for home use.   You can find them online and it's probably better to do it that way instead of with a turkey baster.  As long as you can get to the sperm then you can use it.  

[vizslamama]

I know that having a baby in the traditional way is more appealing than legs up in the stirrups, but it too can be intimate. You have no idea how close you become to your DH when you start to go through this process and as much as I wish we did not have to go through it, we are closer as a result. I have no idea about the soft cup. My advice would be at least have a meeting with an RE, especially if your DH had sperm issues in his first marriage...

Good luck

[kikicoates78]

Don't be embarresed, the way I see it is everyone has problems, just different types. And besides nobody knows who you or he is anyways. Please feel free to open up, people need help, and your post could also be helping someone else.

I also have read about the soft cup, it seems way more "clean" than the turkey baster. You actually put the sperm it this little cup that you place against you cervix. My sister got some info on it, it was a little pricey, I think a couple hundred bucks, but that was about a year ago, it may be a little cheaper now, but for the alternative of medical expenses it's not so bad.

I wish you luck dear, every woman deserves to be a mommy if it's in their heart.  

[snlkennedy]

Thank you for the apology.  I love my husband very much and have never complained or belittled him for being unable to copulate.  This is the only place I have ever mentioned that he's unable to and I'm afraid that if he knew what I've revealed it would crush him.  I did tell him that I went in search of help and he understood although I could tell it embarrassed him.
As far as the semen analysis goes he was tested.  He does have a low count.  What it might have said beyond that I have no idea.  The test was done during his first marriage.  I have had no tests but I've also never tried to get pregnant until now.
I do appreciate all the suggestions.  I'm sure I'll being doing more research before this all said and done.  
Good luck to all of you.  I pray that God blesses each of you with the gift you are seeking.

[vmvnpv]

IUI, IVF and softcup are various ways of getting pg.  I also heard of the turkey baster method but I'm not keen on that idea.  I actually just read about the softcup the other day and heard a lot of couples have been successful using it.  Make sure your DH gets a semen analysis though if you guys aren't successful because his weight can cause problems with his sperm count, mobility and motility.  I didn't mean to pry but I didn't know if maybe the issue was that one or both of you was wheelchair bound or paralyzed in some way or something.  I'm sorry if I caused any embarrassment.

[snlkennedy]

Thank you!  Thats a great idea.  I was afraid after the last comment that I was on the wrong site and that people were just going to think we were freaks.  And I would keep getting questions more about our sexual relationship than anything pertaining to getting pregnant.

He's 47 and I'm 33 and I'm showing some early signs of menopause (not uncommom in our family).  We've been married for 2 years and know that we want a child.  We've only just started to try (the turkey baster and just trying to get  the semen to the vagina).  I was just trying to figure out if there were things other couples that have intercouse dilemas had tried.

[Tanker Chic]

I don't really have any info for getting pg without penetration or using a dr, but I thought I would let you know that my son and my unborn child were both conceived via IUI (insemination) due to unexplained infertility.  I will admit it is not the most desirable way to get pg, but if you find you need to do it, it isn't bad at all and your pg will feel no less special.  

Good luck to you however you work it out!!    

[bam1014]

I have read of a new product called SoftCup.  In essense it's a basic at home IUI.  But read that the man can ejaculate into it before it is inserted into the woman.

This is what I found at early pregnancy tests . com:

Use Softcup as a reservoir to keep sperm close to the cervix

Although commonly used for period protection, trying-to-conceive (TTC) couples have discovered a new use for the Softcup - as a fertility aid!


So how are women using the hypo-allergenic Softcup to increase their chances of conceiving a baby? Instead of inserting the Softcup during their periods, trying-to-conceive couples are using the Softcup following lovemaking to help pool and hold sperm around the cervix. Alternately, semen can be directly deposited into the Softcup reservoir and inserted directly into the vagina and around the cervix.

Safe and Hypo-allergenic - No Latex
Use to Increase Your Odds of Conceiving

[snlkennedy]

It can be if you have an idiot that doesn't know what they're doing and is in a big hurry. It's simply the insertion of the whole hand into the vagina.  Probably most common in a lesibian relationship but obviously we've had to be a little creative.  It takes time, relaxation, lube, lube, and more lube.  I find it extremely pleasurable and it scares the hell out of him.

[IsabelleCanada]

I don't mean any disrespect but the heck is fisting? Sounds painful.

[gokuangel]

You could figure out your cycle and ovulation day and use a turkey baster to get the sperm up in there!
I did see a gay couple do it this way they were guys and of course needed an egg so they used the one guys sister and the other guys sperm and did this TWICE infact and it worked!! Sounds dumb i know but it was on the baby story!!

[snlkennedy]

My husband has a bad back, is morbidly obese, and has a small penis (i was trying to save face for my husbands sake).  We have tried all the recommended positions (and probably some that aren't) but nothing works when you combine all these problems.  We are able to pleasure each other through cunnilingus, fellatio, stroking and deep petting, fisting, and other "hands on" approaches.

When I say intimate I simplymean that we would like to try to have this happen between just the two of us.  Although there is absolutely nothing wrong using professional and medical assistance in getting pregnant we just feel that would be more loving and less stressful to help ourselves if we can.

[vmvnpv]

I'm sorry but I need more information.  What kind of physical handicaps make penetration impossible?  When you say active sex life is it oral or other ways besides penetration?  I just don't see how you can get pregnant and still be intimate if there is no penetration.  I also don't see how you can without a doctors help.  Maybe more information will help me understand your situation and I can be of help.  I'm sorry.  :-(