Divorce because of infertility

[Dmart]

2nd iui failed and my husband wants a divorce doesnt want to try anymore and we are sleeping in separate rooms. Things have changed really fast since the negative pt. Just need someone to talk to

[danmona]

After we stopped trying to have kids for almost 2 years, we finally decided to do IVF. We transferred 3 embryo's Tuesday. We did assisted hatching and sperm injection into each embryo to increase our chances.

This morning my wife woke up and said that she doesn't feel any nausea or morning sickness that she should have 3 days later. Since she's a nurse, she's a strong person and knows what to expect from the process, but she told me that she's feeling depressed. I don't know what to say other than to stay positive. We're very blessed and I don't want to complain. If we don't have a successful IVF process, then we're just going to give up on having kids.
I guess God just wants it that way.
It irritates me when I hear so many people having abortions while others hope and pray to have a child that they can't wait to love.

[danmona]

I did a sperm count 3 times and everything turned out OK.
We decided to give IUI a break and focus on finding a house.
I changed jobs and my stress level has gone down significantly compared to what it was before. We hope to move into our new house by Christmas and then try IVF after new years. We've been focusing on enjoying each others company trying not to talk about kids to much.

If God wants us to be parents one day, then that's great, but we need to be realistic that maybe it's not God's will for us to be parents.

[sakazmi]

Some men need to learn and cope with situations. do you know why IUI is performed? he needs to get educated regarding that? IUI is performed 99% because men has problem with sperm count or they are weak. i do not understand just one thing that when doctors perform such medical assessments they should let one person know where exactly is the problem. if he will give you divorce will it make him a man and will he be able to get another woman pregnant?
I am sorry about all this you should ask your doctor that who exactly is having a problem. then discuss about this and give it a chance.
Usually 6 tries are given with IUI if unsuccessful IVF option is given.
i hope it helps but please ask your doctor to explain your  husband why they have put you on IUI.

[LauraBerlin]

I am so sorry you are going through that.  I can't understand why someone would want to divorce after trying only 3 times with IUI.  It takes an average of 6 tries for it to work.  One has a 14-17% chance that it will work per try... and he is giving up on your dreams together after that?  I know it is hard on a relationship.  I will go in for my 6 IUI on Wednesday.  There is disappointment each time it hasn't worked.  Fertility doctors often recommend therapy for couples who are having to use assisted reproduction methods, because it is hard on the relationship.  There is also IVF, which has higher success rates, but of course is more expensive and is the preferred method when there are additional infertility issues.  I would recommend he read some literature on the statistics and for both of you to talk to someone... in order to get back to the place where you wanted to raise a family together!  Best of luck and hopefully thing work out!!

[amy_1985]

Sooo sorry to hear about your negative test!
Unfortunatly there is a thing such as 'unexplained infertility' It just happens you can both be healthy and considered fertile but it just doesnt happen!
Has she ever been pregnant?
I totally know where your coming from iv been pregnant now 4times and never had a live birth and we just had a unsucessful IVF cycle its a real drain on your emotions, Its hard too for men, Your expected to be the backbone of the relationship and comfort ur wife when things go wrong..But you need to be comforted too!
Maybe a break from all the meds is just what you both need....I know thats what were doing no baby making...no stressing were going to relax and enjoy christmas and see what next year brings, to start over again.
Please tell your wife shes in my thoughts and i wish you both the very best for the future!!

[danmona]

So my wife tested at day 14 after the IUI and HCG shot and it was negative. If you have the HCG shot with IUI, don't even waste your time or money to test until day 14 or later because you will get positive pregnancy test like we did twice. We decided to take a break and try again after New Years. I want us to be able to focus and enjoy Christmas and build our relationship. As a guy, I really feel this process has been consuming our relationship and adding so much frustration that we aren't spending quality time anymore.
We plan to do the estrogen shots with IUI 2 or 3 more months before we go for IVF. My concern and lack of understanding is why the doctor's tell us that my wife should be getting pregnant because nothing is wrong and we're both very health.

[amy_1985]

Im really sorry to hear about that! dont give up hope just yet though, Id just repeat the test again in a few days! Remember it takes between 5-12days for an embryo to implant and start giving HCG that is detectable by HPT.
I wish you both the very best of luck!!

[Hoping2BAMom]

Another point to think about in regards to praying.... we need to not just pray for things we want, but that God's will be done in our lives.  Sometimes what we want and what is God's will for us are not necessarily the same things.  Our wants are not perfect, but God's will for our lives is.  We have to learn to accept it and know that God has a plan for our lives and we won't always know exactly what that is.

We've been TTC for over 5 years.  We got pregnant on our once, but I m/c.  We started IVF at the beginning of 2011 and our first two attempts both failed.  We had one frozen embryo left from our second attempt and we went in late Oct and had it transfered.  I prayed, like with the first two attempts, but this time I said a different prayer.  I prayed that God's will be done regarding this latest attempt and that I be able to accept it rather it be that we get a BFN or a BFP.  Well, we were blessed and it worked and I'm over 6wks pregnant now.  

I think now that our first pregnancy and our first two IVF attempts didn't work for a reason...perhaps there was something wrong with the fetus, I don't know, but God does and He could have been saving my husband and I from some bigger heartbreak down the road.

I go for my first u/s tomorrow to check the development of the baby.  I'm a little nervous, but I keep praying the same prayer and it's amazing how much comfort it brings me.  

[danmona]

We're a little depressed now because my wife did a pregnancy test this morning 12 days after the HCG shot and 10 days from the IUI process.
She got false positive pregnancy tests after 5 and 7 days and how it's negative.

We decided to just take a break until after new years.
I told my wife that she needs to stop working so much and to slow down or else she'll never get pregnant.

[danmona]

I don't know how religious everyone is reading this forum, but I learned something very important Sunday at church from the sermon.
I learned that you have to ask God for big things because we have a BIG God and if our faith is at least as big as a mustard seed, that we can move mountains. I also learned that we need to thank God in advance knowing that he will answer our prayers not on our time line, but his time line.

I prayed for months for a new job because i wanted a new job. Most people would be very happy to have my job, but I wanted change jobs because I wasn't enjoying my job as much. When God answers your prayer, he answers your prayer more then you expect him to. I got a better job at a better place. My wife also got her prayers answered and got a new job a better job with better pay and better hours closer to home.

I have faith that God will answer our prayers regarding being blessed with kids. I tell my wife to be careful what you pray for because when God answers prayers, he might answer back with twins.

[amy_1985]

Sorry im getting all mixed up you didnt have ivf you had iui but the same applys it would still take between 5-12days for an embryo to implant after fertilisation.

[amy_1985]

The HCG shot stays in your system for approx 10days so if she had it 48hours before she took a pregnancy test its likely to be from the HCG shot a pregnancy wouldnt have time to implant within 2 days. It depends on what day transfer (3or 5) but it can take between 5-12days for an embryo to implant, The HCG from the shot is more than likely to be giving her pregnancy symptoms as its the pregnancy hormone.
Forgive me but im actually in England so im not sure when Thanksgiving day is but i would defo wait now and take a test then as taking one before could give you a wrong answer.
What people dont realise is the whole process is hard for men too its not just the woman i know my partner has been really upset over our failed cycle of ivf but keep your chin up and support eachother and spend lots of quality time together and dont forget to express your feeling dont let it build up!
I really hope you and your wife have a sucessful cycle and get a positive result! Please keep us informed.

[Lt119]

Just stay positive and patient, give it a little time, then take another preg. test. I hope 4 the best 4 u guys, but don't ever give up if u keep praying and ask God for u 2 2 get preg. have faith that he would. When I was goin through the same thing others was tellin me that maybe its not meant 4 u to get preg.  But I didnt listen 2 those folks I had faith in God and did what eva I had to do whether I wantd 2 or not. God works through doctors and meds, just like u wanting a job dont wait for the job to drop 2 u, u have to go out 2 knock on doors u might have some doors locked or shut, but soon or later 1 will open.
I had twins in 2008 2 boys but God called them home. Now I have healthy triplets 2girls 1boy. but now tryin for 1 more

[danmona]

she had the HSG shot to force ovulation within 48 hours. I don't know if her back pain like last night is a side effect or if she's pregnant. I'm trying to stay positive but it's not easy. She's a nurse and is stronger mentally then me. Her 2 weeks is Thanksgiving day and would be nice to finally have a child. At what point do you stop trying and recognize that maybe it's God's will for you not to have kids?

[amy_1985]

sorry false positive not false negative.

[amy_1985]

As far as im aware estrogen cannot cause a false positive, However if she had a HCG trigger shot this can, It stays in her system for approx 10days- This is used for some IUIs. When is she suppost to take a test? If she did take the HCG shot it could be a possibility of a false negative i would give it 4days min and test again... Hoping its a true BFP for you!

[danmona]

Me & my wife have been trying to have a baby for about 5 years. We finally went to the fertility clinic and tried clomid for about 3 months on one month off another because she would have an ovary enlarged the following month and not pregnant. 2 weeks ago we decided to get more aggressive and did clomid for 5 days, estrogen shots 3 days. Last Thursday we went and did the IUI. We went on a 3 day vacation this weekend and my wife said that her abdomen area is hurting on both sides and she's tired. She slept most of the weekend in the hotel. We came home last night and she did a clearblue pregnancy test and it showed pregnant. My question to all the ladies that have gone through this process is, Is my wife pregnant or is it a false positive because of the estrogen shots? She did another clearblue pregnancy test and it showed positive this morning 7 days after the IUI and procedure.

[lise_SA]

Hi, sorry to hear your news, sadly im in the same situation, after four failed ivf cycles and the loss of twins my husband and i are thinking about seperating. im the one with the problem and he has said he will not go through life without having kids.  

Its such a trying process on any relationship and one would think that it brings you closer together as a couple...

Hope you hanging in there.
x

[babyhope40527]

This is not fair at all. :(. Inspite of being a best support system for you, how could he do this to you? :( Are you sure this is only based on infertility? does he love kids so much? doesnt he love you? i am really upset reading this post. sorry to be mad at your husband. the problem is not resolved with divorce or separation. that could be a male fertility issue, even if it is female fertility issue, you both have to fix it together. there are multiple ways to try. there are couples who had 4 to 5 failed IVFs, and who still love each other and live for each other. :(. afterall, this is a lifetime relationship and a commitment. hope he gets better, talk to him, share his feelings and find out what exactly is going through in his mind, have a short vacation, remind him your wedding days, and your beautiful moments, have good sex, work it out please somehow.

good luck.

[amy_1985]

Aww this is soooo sad, This is a journey you should be embracing together! TTC  can be really tough on a relationship or marriage, But you really have to go through the motions, At first its your fault then its everyone elses fault then its the doctors fault, When really its nobodys fault but all of this stress can stop your body conceiving, Maybe hes fed up seeing you go through all you are to have a baby, Most couples give up ttc and bam there pregnant. Have u or your husband had any tests? Maybe you could cook him a meal and sit down together and discuss how you feel?? I know my DH doesnt do feelings unless i force him he trys to stay strong for me, But this is a time you should be pulling together and maybe spend a little time out to get your mariage on track and spend some quality time together enjoying eachother again before the ttc takes over!
I hope this helps and im here if you need to chat furthur xx

[amy8702]

I am so sorry that all of this is happening to you. I honestly don't think there's anything I can say to make the situation any easier or better for you. He's not willing to try IVF once?