I Hate The Holidays

[1979LAURA]

I have experienced loss since I was young. I have lost my father and step father 3 months in between when I was 17.
A year after that my grand parents. Two years after that my step fathers dad, my grand father. Cousins and uncles.
And it has been quite some time but the pain never goes away!!
I miss everything!! two years ago I watched my other step father slowly pass it was quite a struggle!! Watching my mother go thru it I left my restraunt to help her thru the time. He was a strong man . He died for a brain tumor he had 15 brain surgeries.Why the doctors kept going at the end I came to the sad conclusion that he basically became ther guiene pig. Sad!! Will it ever get any better? I must say I really have learned how cold this world is.

[margypops]

You do seem to have had more than your share of grief and trauma,I gather your Mom is still around and kicking, I wonder if at this tiome of year and when it is hard we all remember holidays int he past when everyone was with us, perhaps you and Mom and anyone else in your Family could go away somewhere and make new traditions , the old ones are in the past so focus on the New ones and this years Christmas or whatever you celebrate. Your family that has gone wouldnt want you to feel bad they would want you to remember the good times., when you feel sad, give your self to have 5 mins of it tyhen switch your thoughts away to doing dsome cooking for those of you celebrating this year and decorating , hobbies and meeting new people , go out and meet folks. Good Luck and a Happy Christmas or Holiday to you.

[Judy246]

Dear Laura,

I would like to share my losses since July 2007.

My brother got married and a week later my mother died in my arms from respiratory and congestive heart failure. A week later her brother in law died (another funeral), a week later my ex fiance's father, whom I loved dearly passed away (another funeral), his last words to me were "I Love You", two months later my niece's fiance's mother died of pancreatic cancer (another funeral), five months later, my mother's best friend who attended her funeral and burial died suddenly from cancer (another funeral), a dear friend's wife died (another funeral), the man I thought I would spend the rest of my life with decided that he needed "space", that was 9 months ago and I have not see or heard from his since, I lost my job in may, my brother's wife had a miscarriage two weeks before Christmas and my beautiful doggie child Toby died suddenly of a heart attack.

Death was haning out in my house, with my family and dear friends. It just could not get any worse.

My parents were married 54 yrs and my 83 yr. old father said that he is "destroyed"....I have never heard my father ever say that and that  has destroyed me.

I became so physically ill that I almost had to be hospitalized because of stress.  I began to well internally, especially my throat and it was becoming dangerous.  I couldn't cry because of the swelling in my throat.  Death has tested my very faith. I had the nerve to be angry with God, then felt guilty for it saying, "who am I to dare be angry with the Almight".

I am happy to say that I just started a great new job as Sales Coordinator this past Monday and the people are great and I enjoy the job.  God has given me the strength to survive and I consider myself a survivor and my dad is 83 yrs old....I am going to go through it all over again.

I am so very sorry for your losses...hang in there one day at a time.  If I can do you, I know you can to, one day at a time.

Judy
Chgo, IL