Lost my friend

[Emily01012]

My story is a bit unusual I guess and itit's really hard to deal with because nobody understandunderstands how I'm feeling or says I shouldn't be upset.

October 2012 I met the most amazing man, he had worked In the navy and been to more countries than I can name! He was the new resident in room 31. I am a carer and work in a care home. I completely understand that people come to the care home to die. I have never had a problem with that, until joe. We just 'clicked'.

My day at work used to consist of getting to work early going in to see joe, then starting my shift, then spending my break with joe and then staying after and spending time with joe.  I dont really have many friends, i would even go in on my days off to see him. We would talk about everything, his family, my family, how he was my adopted granddad, he always told me how he loved me like a daughter.

Then 2 weeks after his 104th birthday the emergancy buzzer went off and joe was on the floor screaming my name. That was the start of then end. He never really recoved after that. 2 weeks before my 19th birthday (march) he fell again and started to stop eating, I would have to feed him every meal time, as much as he wanted to do it himself he had broken both his arm. I could see him giving up. On my 19th birthday I took my boyfriend into meet him and he managed to sing happy borthday to me (: after that he stated to get better. Then one night I went in to say goodnight at9.30pm and ttold him to be good and for the first time he squeezed my fake bun in my hair and loved it and we had a little giggle (:

The next morning I was in at 7am and he had passed away at 5am. I was gutted. I went in and saw him (like always) and said goodbye and thanked him for being my friend and making my days better. But I still miss him like crazy. Everyone says he was old and I knew he was going to die, sodoes that mean I cant be sad?  I'm so confused aboit how i should or should not be feeling.  And I know I'm not over it because because I go and talk to his empty room .

[Emily01012]

Thank you all for your kind words, I really appreciate them (:

I feel at peace knowing that he is no longer in pain, when I went in to say my last goodbye he looked so relaxed and his 'pain lines' had gone.

I'm just finding it difficult because I miss him so much! Even the silly stuff like picking his clothes out for the next day, or the way he used to blow bubbles at me when I gave him a bath! But what I miss the most is the way we would put our foreheads together and he would say, my emily, and I would respond, my joe.

Although everyone at work knew how close me and joe werwe're I don't like talking to them about it because it feels lile gossiping. I try and talk to my family about it but they didn't know him so they seem to not really want to listen!

Joe loved my boyfriend Adrian, and would always ask after him and when he met him told him he had to treat me right or else but adrian lost his step dad 4 years ago and whenever I talk about joe he just says 'try loosing your step dad'

So thank you everyone because it feels good to be able to talk about it all, it means a lot (:

[Life360_Dave]

Hi Emily, it just goes to show us that true love is not about age but about feelings. You loved him, bottom line and are broken hearted and have every right to morn your loss. Joe loved you also. Really sorry.
dave

[titino5]

Omg i cried just at reading this! Of course you can too you should cry a lot and suffer all you need to, when my granpa died i didnt cry, not at all and he was my father.......... he raised me, anyways i just couldnt i closed myself and was the only one in the family able to speak at his ceremony cuz everyone else was just to emotional to do it... after that i only broke when i saw my mother (actually my aunt) crying..... i didnt even cried so much there only alone and with noone to notice it.... i think you should take advantage of you having a boyfriend and stick to him to help you overcome this, family can help too, if someone doesnt understand you tell them to fckoff!! noone can know the relationship you both had! old people are amazing partners, they know so much about everything... suffer all you need to suffer ! let the sadness go and wash it with happiness of the happy moments you had with him... those memories will always be there in both your minds.... after all im sure u too will reconect and talk again in other moment... noone knows what happens after death right? we are energy, and energy doesnt disappears... just transforms. good luck and best wishes !

[TheLightSeeker]

Hey Emily.

Nobody can tell you how you should feel, after the passing of a person
close to you.
You connected with him at a level where you both felt very special.
That bond that you had is something most people don't understand.

Of course you are supposed to express sadness and grief, however,
it is now time to accept his passing, recognize the fact that he has gone to a much better place, where suffering and pain don't exist.
His spirit and his memory are always alive!  Please Remember this!

When you finally free yourself from all the sadness, you may be able to connect with him in a spiritual way. He might even be your Spirit guide,
in your life in this world.
Spirits cannot connect with us easily when we're occupied by grief and sadness.
Allow yourself this opportunity, let the Light enter your life and  take the space now held by these emotions.
You may then  be  "touched" by the  presence of his Spirit.

And I also have the feeling that your  own Spirit is craving this.
You visiting his room and talking to him is not random.

My prayers and thoughts are with you.
May you have the strength, courage and wisdom  to move forward, to overcome your sadness and  to open your heart and mind to "Divine Spiritual Connections".

Love, Peace. & Blessings
Niko