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god i miss my angel
im so heartbroken i miss my babygirl who was 4 back in 1996 and no matter what i try..i always end up thinking and missing her soo so much...maybe because her sister..my daughter now is 18 with the same problems and im so scared i dont know what i would do if anything happend to her....and she has been poorly lately.....it frightens me to death....i want to move on but having two girls with the same genetic syndrome with similar complications....i want to be positive i truely do....but im so fricken scared.....anybody else going thru this awful situation....i dont know what i would do if i lost my daughter now.......it doesnt comprehend in my mind....
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4437866 tn?1388123224
As a mother my heart goes out to you. I lost a pregnancy at 11 weeks. I lost I child I never meet. But the pain is horrible. Talking to others helps a lot. I got really into my church group. And even tho I was really angry with God for giving me a blessing then taking it way. I felt I was being punished. Also a normal feeling. I went thru councling. And its helped a ton. Leaning on other parents who lost a pregnancy or a child to anything helps too. And the most, Prayer. Time will help. As for your situation try not to think of the worst and hope for the best. Stay strong hun. Your daughter needs that right now. God bless
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thankyou so much for your response...i miss her so much and i have to believe she is in gods hands...i too lost my faith for so long......
i need to know she is near me...
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1530171 tn?1448133193
My, my lisaob1 and tattoomommy03

I can almost feel your pain.
This year so far, I've lost my younger brother, who was mentally and physically challenged and my mom also, who had been severely injured by a drunken driver a few years ago.
I'm at peace with their passing now.

Aside from this, I have 2 members of my immediate family, currently facing   some challenging mental and physical issues.

I'm apparently the strong one, trying to keep everything in some kind of a balance, facilitating healing, to the degree that they are ready to accept.

lisaob1.
You are also in need of healing, and as difficult as it may seem a times,
the power of Love for your daughter will give you the strength to seek the Inner Wisdom that will help you heal.
Pray and meditate on this every night on this. It matters not at this point whether you have blamed God or yourself or both perhaps.

The biggest step that you haven't taken yet is to absolutely forgive yourself!
You're carrying a heavy weight in you and that weight has to go.
If you're going to be a great mother to your girl, you need to free yourself
from the guilt or blame syndrome.
Tattoomommy03 gave you some brilliant advice!
Thank you for that and Welcome to the forum Tattoomommy03.

Faith is something from withIN !  It is a fundamental part of our Higher Self, and it is Never lost.
It is our feelings and thoughts that temporarily may cloud our Faith.
God is ALWAYS around and always Perfect and Pure.
What happens to us "down  here" is only because of our own doing (wrong doing usually) and not because God decided to "target" someone.

My Ultimate suggestion to you is to do the free online "Course in Miracles".
It will help you "uncloud" your faith and empower you Spiritually, to the level where you will KNOW that Everything has a Spiritual Solution-no matter what!
Note: Do not let the simplicity of the first few lessons deter you from continuing. It is the most Powerful Course anywhere! And Miracles can become part of your Life too!

Many Blessings to you, your daughter, and your baby Angel (who's watching over You!)
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4437866 tn?1388123224
Your welcome. Believe it hun, she is in Gods hand right now. Resting beautifully with no suffering or pain. Took me a while to realize that myself. As a parent when something goes wrong or you loose your baby, all you want to do is blaim yourself. And you make yourself believe that what happened was due to something you did. But trust me, that's far from truth. Hold your baby near mama. She's always with you. In heart, memories, photos, and spirit. Hang in there. You WILL be alright. We all will. Keep faith. Email me if you wish to talk to someone. I'm willing and ready to help if I can. God bless
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hi thankyou so much for your comments...can i start by saying im so sorry for your loss also. for you to write to me with such strength and conviction for all what you are going through and still are going through..i have much admiration for...it must be so hard for you..but can see why your family say your the strong one..what you said you spoke a lot a truth..maybe i do hold a lot of guilt...when my daughters have such a rare syndrome of only 15 in the world...you was right..i cant forgive myself..maybe that is why im holding on so much...i thankyou so much for flipping the coin for me..as your  comments made me look in a different direction.....my daughter maria is my one and only concern now...but my past has haunted me...i dont know if i can get over losing my daughter..or im afraid of losing my daughter.....my stomach is just a knot...thankyou so much for your words...
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4437866 tn?1388123224
You're welcome. Honestly no thanks needed. I believe that everything happens for a reason. I was much like you when I went thru my loss. Angry with myself. The world everything. I went to chuch with so much hate that I got up and walked out. Took me I think 10 times going back to finally sit thru it and see some truth. I don't know your religious pref. But that's the main thing other than my son that got me thru any of it. You will never get over loosing your daughter. But the pain will ease. And the first step in healing is forgiving. Even forgiving yourself. Don't be affraid give praise you are blessed with your daughter and live everyday loving her (I know you will!).
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4437866 tn?1388123224
You are a strong woman yourself. And I am very sorry for what has happened. I really am.
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hi hun..thankyou so much for your reply...by the way im roman catholic..people these days are afraid to say ther beliefs...i am R/C admittably not practiced for such a long time..since the day my daughter passed to be honest...i have been to church tho and never lost my total faith and still after all these years havent....because i have...HAVE...to believe she is in the hands of god...x
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4437866 tn?1388123224
There's a cripture in the bible and the book and chaper fail my memory at the moment but it say 'dont fear for I am with you'. Holds a ton of meaning to me. It will be a gradual process but you will find healing. Open yourself up to it. You're doing it so far by reaching out thru a forum. I'm a christian and tend a calvery chapple. Raised a catholic.
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hi hun..thankyou so much..i think i know what u mean...coz one thing that keeps me going is...footprints in the sand....i think that is what your trying to say but its something that means so much to me...its not that i wasnt there with you...it was i carried you...x
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4437866 tn?1388123224
One of my favorites! I read it often.
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dont really know the whole story myself...and dont read it that often also...but still boss
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1530171 tn?1448133193
Love occupies the same space inside us as fear.
When we fill up our hearts with love (for everything and everybody),
there's no room for fear!
“God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him” (1 John 4:16).
Niko
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4437866 tn?1388123224
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky. In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord, ‘You promised me Lord, that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there have only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, you have not been there for me?’

The Lord replied, ‘The times when you have seen only one set of footprints in the sand, is when I carried you.’

-Mary Stevenson


Hope you're having a good day to day sweetie. God bless you.
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WOW..was my first feeling hun....thankyou so much for sharing and finding that for me...it melted my heart..but in a good way....i thank you for that...
makes me feel belief again....so so special...
with love
lisa
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