i dont know how 2 deal with this

[me45]

how do you deal with losing a child i lost my son 11 months ago and it is taking a big toll on me i had just excepted losing my mom 2 yrs before losing my son now i feel weak and dizzy i dont know if it is because i am grieving alot or something else is wrong with me. i try 2 go threw days being strong but i seem 2 fall before the day ends. i dont like doctors so i dont go to them can some1 please help me understand or what should i do he was my world

[abby10]

I'm having one of those sad nights. They still come every so often, maybe something triggered it, I don't know (funny you would post now). I've been up all night and was bored, so I typed in the words on my browser "my son died" and "I lost my child" and tons of links came up. Many are forums where you can talk to other people that have lost a child. They really "get it", you know what I mean. Maybe this will help you not feel too alone.

Hugs,

abby

[abby10]

My son has been gone 5 years now. It does not get any easier. I still have bad days and today was one of  them. I realize now that it will always be hard... you try to live with it. He is still growing on this earth in sprit and in my heart. He has a birthday every April 12th. On the dark days I remember kissing his cold forehead as he lay in his coffin. I remember him laughing at his high school graduation. I lost my mother in 2000, but this is much harder. This is like no other pain; there is no acceptance.

I cried every day for over a year. I kept asking people "when will I be alright again". It's like a knife in my heart sometimes, even now. I saw a young man in the store yesterday that looked a lot like my son and felt panic. The more I stared at hiim the worse it got.

The doctors just drugged me with addictive drugs. They had no right words.

I also write to him on the computer and have saved a file with his name on it. I used to call it the dead file. I visit him in my dreams.

I have a grandson and he looks very much like me and my son. I worry all the time about his safety and future. I wish I could give him the world.

I finally gave myself permission to go on living, so I do with a pain in my heart. Don't worry about his memory fading, it never will as long as you live.

I talked in a grief support group and all of them understood me and I understood them. I finally felt such relief talking to people were going through the same thing. I wish I had gone much sooner.

This is all very, very fresh for you and you need much more time. Treat yourself good and cry all you want. In the support group most people felt much better after talking about their feelings.


Prayers to you,

abby

[mammo]

I am so sorry!!  There is no greater loss than that of a child. I lost my son 10 years ago and then his son, my precious grandson last year, I know your pain.  I take medication for depression, or I don't know where or what I'd be today.  One thing that seemed to help me was to write to my son and grandson.  I write letters, I still email my grandson on facebook every day, hoping he hears what I write. Putting your feelings on paper does help.  I wish I had some words of wisdom, but I don't. I still wonder how I've gotten thru the last 10 years, the medication helps me to function but my heart is still broken.  Try to remember the good times, keep his memory alive any way you can.  I wrote a poem to my son, and framed it. I then hung little things that represented all he loved like a baseball, football, ball glove etc all around the frame. I hung a plant below it where a boy angel sat, just anything to keep his memory alive.  My heart aches for you, it truly does. I have other children and  grandchildren that I knew needed me and this helped. I was full of anger for years at God when I lost my son, then I lost my grandson who was like having part of my son still here, he looked and acted just like his dad. Please if writing to me helps, I'm here.  Stay strong, one day at a time.  Big hugs to you, God Bless you and your son.