so what do you do?

[LIZZIE LOU]

i know it is said that things get better with time...when will that be...if things get better, does that mean i will forget...i am so depressed...i miss my dad so much...may 22 will be a year...sometimes i don't get out of my pj's for days...and yes i am on an antidepressant...i cry every single day...i lost my hero!

[LLWB]

I lost my mother, my father, my sister-in-law of 25 yrs, and now I lost my husband a year ago.  Faith is what keeps me going. My Church familyi s so understanding and supportive. Yes, I cry a lot. I see my husband on the steet all the time, and for one moment I am happy. We knew he was dying, and he told me he didn't want me to spend the rest of my life alone. But I'm not alone, he is with me all the time. I still talk to him and dream about him. But he is no longer in pain, for that I am so thankful. You must start gettin dressed and going out, even if just for a walk. Every little step is important to recovering your balance in life.  Your Dad gave you life, he would not want you grieving endlessly. Try to find one thing to do that you like to do, and do it in memory of him. Riding a bicycle, going to a movie, volunteering at a Humane Society. Anything that can help you focus on life. It's all we have, you want to live it well. Best of luck and prayers. You will never forget, but life is for the living. Bless you.

[kaznev]

When my father died it felt like half of me had disappeared.  The grief was immense.  I carried the grief for years.  Volunteering for Hospice, strangely helped me come to terms with his death.  I learned how to come to terms with death and realised how helping others come to terms with death and being comfortable with it, helped me.  I had to think hard and had training in how to help someone else, which I applied to myself.  People often comment on how they couldn't work with someone knowing they were going to die, but I know I made a difference in the last days of their lives.  They all also report on seeing their loved ones in the room and some of them can't wait to get to the other side because they have been promised a party with a reunion of all the deceased in their lives.  I know this sounds bazaar, but it happens all the time.  It got me to thinking that maybe I will have a reunion with my father once again.

[suzi-q]

You will not get through it unless you take steps to get through it.  By doing nothing, nothing will be accomplished.  I lost both my parents 4 months apart 7 years ago...my life as I knew it truly ended.  And for a while I wallowed in deep depression and drinking a lot to take away the pain.  It didn;t help until I decided to start to be proactive in my situation.  I went to grief counseling and started spending time with friends (even when I didn't want to leave my house).  The first year is the hardest.  BUT YOU WILL GET THROUGH IT.  Just remind yourself how your dad would want you to live your life and start doing it.  Make him proud of you.  Remember he wants you to be happy.

[Jim's son]

Mozartcowgirl

Just to reassure you - I did not read anything "aggressive" in your post. In fact the opposite is true. It rings only of compassion, concern  and hard-won experience, and I'm sure Lizzie sees that too

[xmtmgn1728x]

i understand your pain i lost my grandfather in april of 05 and i couldnt go to his funeral because i am in a different country and when i found out he was already buried.i miss him very much and i have days when i know he is gone but just some days i really realize that he REALLY IS GONE that when i go visit my family he wont be there.and that hurts i tend to cry a lot on those daysand sometimes i even dream about him if my mom talks about him or if she tries to for some reason i get tears in my eyes and i dont want to talk about him ever since he passed i cant go to church because all of the sudden i start crying and thinking about him.all i can say to you is i understand how you feel and you never get used to someones death you just learn to live with it and as time goes by that pain will always be there but you will learn to control and you cant let it take over your life.im sure your dad wouldnt want you to be sad if you think about him think about the good times when he was here on earth with you.

[Mozartcowgirl]

hmm what do you do.. well.. i have no idea.. i just take every day as it comes.. thats about all you can do ..

how about this.. what if it were you that passed away...?? and you looked upon your living loved ones.. and you saw that your father... was very sad.. very depressed.. and he just couldnt find very much happiness since you passed..

what would you feel?? would you want him to remember only the bad times? the funeral ? the service? would you want him to mourn all the time?

when i returned home from my mothers funeral in NC... i had a mc.. it was a nightmare.. i lost my uncle.. my son.. my mother.. and now a baby.

i had a dream.. my mother..my son.. and someone else was there... my son was all grown up.. they were smiling.. they didnt want me to be sad.. they didnt want me to founder in so much grief that it kept me from living my life..

i cry alot.. i miss my mom.. my son.. my uncle.. i weep for the baby i lost at that time.. there are times when i feel profound sadness.  
look for the little things.. that we all sometimes dismiss.. that we all take for granted... i believe that my mother is near me.. as i do my son.. in a song.. a smell... a feeling.. a smile..
look at yourself in the mirror.. there is your father.. you are part of him.. although he is not here in body.. what you see in the reflection.. is him. he doesnt want you to be so very sad... he knows you miss him. he knows you love him.  you can go on.. you are strong.. whenever you feel like crying.. go ahead!! but .. start taking little steps towards a little bit more happiness. it will happen.. we are all different.. allow yourself time.. and know that you will always have a sadness for your father passing.. you will also start to heal a little.. it will never fully go away.. and accepting that.. is the first step. Im so very sorry about your dad.

[Mozartcowgirl]

i just read what I wrote to you .. and i wanted you to know that if it sounded aggressive. i didnt mean that AT ALL!! i sometimes have a hard time putting into words something that i feel  so strongly about..  and i have to admit.. its hard for me still to talk about it at times..

I am watching a movie called Talking to Heaven... please try and rent it.. its a VERY awesome movie.. it has ted danson.. mary steenburgen.. and some other really great actors in it.. its based on a true story..

it just came out.. so i am pretty sure its a new release.. its about a man who helps solve a case.. but.. in between. loved ones who passed away come to him.. and help him heal.. it made me cry.. alot.. but it has helped me..
god bless

[Amaris]

I don't know if things really get better, I think you just get adjusted to the changes. I worry that I'll forget my mom's voice or her laugh. My husband swears that those importanat things will never be forgotten. I'd like to think that he's right. Hang in there, take a trip do something fun!