suicide

[arrypat]

my husband comitted suicide two years ago and i realize the time has come to tell my girls how their father died i am so scared because i just dont know what to say although there were reasons for him doing this i dont want to lay blame can anyone help me
                                                 kym

[Babybaw4]

I feel- your pain, my fiance had died by suicide Aug 30, 2004 he had hung himself in our house we shared and I had found him, It was devasting to say the least. I dont even know where to begin how that day went down. It was crazy just absolute crazy. It was something that was very hard for me to deal with but I made it. We were together for 6-years and thank god we didnt have any kids. But the best way to deal with it is support there is many suicide groups online S.O.S Survivors of Suicide that is a great site and there is many books I had read searching for the answers. My fiance had left a note and didnt give me much detail but just what to do with his stuff. I hope you can find peace in your life and comfort for your kids. telling them the best way would be to be honest, I know that may seem gruesome but being honest lets your kids know how much their father loved them but yet not hiding anything. Let me know if you need to talk my personal email is: ***@**** I am a suicide advocate and try and teach about awareness.

[Ingrid444]

I feel for your pain. My brother committed suicide 14 years ago. I now have two children, a 5 year old boy, and 7 year old girl. I often talk about my brother, and sometimes I am sad. My children wonder why, so of course we had to tell them that he died. Now they ask how he died. I am always honest with my kids as I wish my parents had been with me.
My son will often talk about my brother, Andre, saying "Mommy, I am so sorry that your brother died, I hope he is happy", and he comes over and gives me a hug. It is weird because my son looks so much like him, and has a similar sense of humor.

So, I have talked to them about how he died. I said that his brain was sick and that he was so sad that living was too hard for him. He was a special person and we will always love him. He loved us and wishes he could be here.  He is always in our hearts, you can speak to him anytime you want. Just close your eyes and speak from your heart, he will hear you.
When they are older and they ask or the questions come up I will tell them that he hung himself with a rope so he could not breathe anymore. It sounds harsh, that is why I will wait until they are old enough to understand. I don't want to scare them, but I agree, that if children have questions you need to give an honest answer appropriate to age. If you don't kids will imagine wild things as the mind creates fears and phobias around the unknown.
Hope this helps in some way, and that Andre's death was not in vain.
Ingrid
PS It's just my opinion, I know you will do what is right for your family!

[ParamedFlorena]

My mother died when I was a kid. From that day I have had a horrible phobia. Snakes. The neighbor kids told me that she'd been poisioned by one. But at the same time, our car had disappeared so when I got older, it started to make sense that maybe she'd died in an accident. Minds on the run, will run.
When I was a teen, my younger sister started making guesses that she'd died of cancer.

It is going to be very difficult to rip it up again, but please take that chance Kym!  Death is only natural when it happens when our bodies tire out, not when our minds tire out.
I am so glad I know how she died today. It hasn't taken my reptile phobia away but at least now I know that I'd never choose to end my life - I wouldn't stand the thought of my husband having to tell my daughter how - or she running through a million options.

I would be stepping careful forth. Lead your kids into the more unusual thought that their father didn't die of medical reasons, rather that it was an accident caused by choices that he took because of a personal crisis.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this!!! Keep us updated. Telling is going to take a burdening secret away.

Florena

[jml1986]

I do not know how old your daughters are, but I do believe that you only tell children as much as they can handle at the time. If they are old enough to understand, then your problem isn't really telling them it is how to make them understand. Suicide is caused by a mental issue that the person is going through and it is never a persons fault.

So, I would just let them know he was sick and the doctors couldn't help him and that is why he committed suicide.

I come from a family where we have had 16 people commit suicide. There are a group of doctors would like to studie the family and see if they can locate the part of the brain that makes them so bad that they choose to kill themselves. Sadly they need more then one sibling group to study and some of the family members think that if they did the study, it would follow them or their children for life, and they don't want that to be something that would cause them from getting jobs because they would be diagnosed with a mental illness.

Good luck