very strange

[PromisedLand]

as many of you know, I lost my son a little over a year ago after several days on life support...he was 26.  Last night my youngest daughter informed me that my now ex stepson (I'll not go into why "ex" as it belongs somewhere else and will likely horrify many herein...

It just came to her yesterday (for various reasons I can't go into she had blocked it out)...apparently right after they "pulled the plug" and the rest of us were leaving the room after saying our finaly goodbyes, he took a picture
of scott and has saved it for who knows what...the possibilities scare the daylights out of me..

Can anyone possibly think of any reason to do this?  I can't ask him as I refuse to ever speak to him again (for above non mentioned stuff)...my prayer is that this isnt being used on some website somewhere for wackos who like this sort of thing..

I'd like to hear other thoughts.  I'm sorry if it's not proper to bring this up here...It did send me into a grieving process all over again..

Jim

[SoCalTricia]

My infant son died of a brain tumor in September. He was two months old. The last night in the hospital, after his unsuccessful surgery, he was on life support. We had made the decision to have the machines turned off the next morning. I had a camera in my purse, and I asked the nurse if people take pictures of their children in the hospital, and was it odd that I wanted to. She said that lots of people do...and she's heard some people who said that they wished they had. So, I figured I would rather have the pictures and not ever look at them, than wish I had them. So I took a few pictures of our sweet baby. I still have not looked at them - they are in their own file on my computer. But I know that some day I will. I believe that, in some way, looking at them will bring me some kind of acceptance. Not closure - because, as you know, you NEVER feel closure after you lose a child. Anyway...I don't know what reason your ex-stepson would have for wanting a picture - I hope that it's not some sick reason as you suspect. But, even if it is, it doesn't diminish your love for your son. Just as you have to accept your son's death, you also have to accept that there is the possibility this person has done something dishonorable. You can't change it...and your son would not want you to drive yourself crazy with worry about it. I'm so, so sorry for you...bless you and your family.

Tricia

[child24angel]

I fully understand
Hugs sent your way
Elaine

[PromisedLand]

My son was 26...he lived in Georgia...he had a problem with drugs but kicked them while in jail and was active in NA...he had just started a new job near Atlanta as a waiter in a restaurant partially owned by a local church and NA and they loved him there...was their best worker and after 2 weeks made him head waiter..

but he still had a problem with alcohol..doctors had told him he shouldn't drink due to meds he was on from an earlier head injury..One night he drank too much and wound up at a friend's house who knew of his situation but kept feeding him more booze...he finally passed out...she went to wake him in the morning and he was trying to breathe..making a "gurgling" sound...she called 911 and he died enroute to the hospital...they brought him back twice and twice in the ER..my other son called me (I live in New Hampshire) and said "Dad..you'd better get down here"   They had put him on life support and we caught the last flight of the night to Atlanta...he was unresponsive but we stayed the night in the hospital with him often visiting and talking to him and me bawling like a baby..the doctors gave him little hope of any type of normal life should he recover..we had  a last brain scan done and the doctor said "this is the Scott you'll see the rest of his life" and so as a family (my ex wife, other son and exstepson (subject of this topic) decided to take him off life support...he was gone in less than 2 minutes...

I'm still grieving for him, occasionally with tears and have been in depression ever since...I'm seeing a therapist as well...and I warn kids who are drinking about Scott's story in the hopes of saving another life..

Child24angel....as sick as my ex stepson is I'm very afraid of where those pictures might wind up.

Jim

[child24angel]

Dear friend......that is the most horrible action taken by a human being.
He took a picture of your son after he passed away? insane .

You don't need a picture , you will never forget it as long as you live it
is that devastating.  

I can't think of anything he would gain by doing this....the last thing I ever
thought of was taking picture as it will burn in our hearts forever already. Nor would
I let anyone else in the room, just very few.  My son would not have wanted
people to see him this way.  I just know it.

I'm sorry Bear....very sorry, you didn't need this on top on everything else.

Joey,
My sincere condolence's to you Joey.

Hugs
Elaine

[Joey1742]

Hi Jim I can sympathize with you, I also lost my son he was 16 he and two friends were out in the car his friend crashed and sadley all 3 died. It's pretty much just as raw now and if someone had taken pics like you say it would almost b to much to bare. It not only takes you back but adds extra pain and upset. I realy hope it is innocent and you can find out some way. But I also know there are some awful people about aswell. May I ask how you lost your son? I also have daughters and I love them so much but when I lost my son I lost my future aswell if you know what I mean and grandchildren of his also there's just so much I won't go on thanks Joey.

[PromisedLand]

Thank you Specialmom...and you are special...my fear is he has done something shameful with that picture...that's the type of man that he is.   But I have let it slip to the back of my mind..yes, there is grief in my posts and sometime in the next couple of days will be talking about a discussion my wife and I had briefly last night re: grief.

Jim

[specialmom]

Bear/Jim,

I am sorry about your son, I don't know what happened but the thought of losing one of my two sons . . . I can't fathom it.  I just wanted to tell you that . . . those horrific images of your son on life support . . . well, my mother died tragically at 52 and was on life support as well.  It was 15 years ago this month.  I want to tell you . . . that I barely can remember what she looked like in that hospital room.  The way she comes to me in memories now is the way she was most of her life to me----  just my beautiful mom.  I didn't think that would ever happen----  but it has.  I am grateful to let the horrible site of her dying be forgotten.  I hope that day comes for you too.

As to why your ex stepson took that picture . . . I do not know.  Was he trying to remember him or record it?  I don't know------------  but I will hope that he has done nothing with that picture that would be shameful.  That would be too much to think about----  so don't think he did it.  Think posative.  

I don't know you------- hope you don't mind me posting.  But I feel your grief in your posts and it speaks to mine.  Be well and peace.

[PromisedLand]

I could never bear to see pictures of my son in that condition...the image of him in his hospital bed, essentially dead, a machine breathing for him is forever etched in my mind and this just brought it all back..I can barely look at a picture of him living..I have one of the last time he and my other son together for the last time and I lose it every time I see it.

Jim

[Judy246]

opps...I meant "Maybe one day in my life time".

[Judy246]

Jim, when mom died, to my shock and unexpected, my brother in law too several picture of my mother in her casket. I was livid, outraged and furious with him and said how dare you take photo of my mother, BUT, my father has ask him to do so. My father has photo's of all his decease family member, mother, brother, aunts, friends.

It brings him closure to look at them at the right time and know that he is ok with their death. I personally told my sister the I NEVER want to see those picture and to keep them away from the house, but Dad asked for them. I think I will fall on my knees and have a heart attack and relieve the entire ordeal if I see "1" picture of my beautiful mom in her casket. I won't be able to handle this one, so for some people it is there way of coming to terms with their love one's death and accepting it and for other's like me, I wanted to attack him for the audacity of taking and unautorized photo of my mother in death.

Maybe one day in my life type, I will be able to see "1"....I doubt it.

Also, don't be to hard on him, I'm sure he meant it as a loving memory and if I were you, I would directly call him and ask him, why did he feel it necessary to take a photo of your son after passing and what is his intent for the photo. You will get a response and them if you feel you don't want his photo views, as Scotts dad you have every right to expect him to do the right thing and dispose of them immediate.  Good Luck...Judy