im terrified and think im gunna die

[faz84]

Hi,
    My mum recently(6 weeks ago) died suddenly , she was only 40.  Since then i have exrerienced my first " panic attacks" , Im now having up to 30 severe atacks a day, I stood out in the rain for 2 hours last week as i diddnt want to "die alone" in my flat i was convinced i was going to die.  I am to scared to go to sleep at night as every night i feel im going to die in my sleep, the attacks then come on in the middle of the night , im absolutley terrified.  I also have a permanent chest tightness, feeling sick and air hunger, i also am struggling to do simple things like house work in the day i just watch tv and go back to sleep i have little motivation.  I was checking the symptoms on line and found it may be indigestion brought on by anxiety but im convinced its heart failure.  I keep having images of my mum dead in my head  and her in the ground, i also feel so guilty for the way i treated her at times, its no excuse but she was an alcoholic and opiate abuser and was extremely selfish and difficult at times, she had really lowered her drink intake and was doing so well........ the post mortem showed nothing so we are awaiting the inquest in june.  
My husband was initally unsupportive and i was alone for the first 4 weeks after she died, he is now extremely supportive and the only way i can relax enough to sleep is when he cuddles me in bed and i feel safe, but i dont want to be so needy....
Im also addicted to codeine just like my mum , i dont drink and am tapering , i dont suppose this helps though
Has anyone suffered anything similar who could help me , im terrified and finding every day a struggle , i dont want to be like this
please help
jem xxxx

[RNRita]

Hello.  I lost my mother two days after my birthday last June.  I read some books about grieving since I felt like I was going to lose my mind. One thing that stood out was this:  They stated that when a woman loses her mother, one of the things that happens is they are excessively afraid of death for a while.  I don't know why, but it happened to me as well.  Xanax does help with the anxiety, but you need time.  AND to know that what you are experiencing is very normal.  My sympathies.

[Judy246]

You mother just died and this is a very traumatic time in your life. The experience is surreal and unfortunately, it will be necessary for you to go through the grief process and it is very difficult. I describe it as hell on earth. My mother died in my arms and there are no words to describe what my family has gone thru the last "2" years. Yes, "2 " years to begin to feel somewhat normal again.

The past is the past and you cannot dwell on the "if only I" or "if I could have done things differently."  You are tormenting yourself and at this point, serves no purpose.

You must forgive your mother for the past, forgive yourself for the past and know that you are an extention of your mother and not even death can seperate the love and bond that you share with her. Make her proud and live a good, productive, meaningful life and if it is necessary to go to the doctor for these panic attacks, so be it, but death is raw and there is no way around this one. In order to heal,  you must feel the grief. I promise you that with the help from God and one day at a time, you are going to be just like the rest of us, a "survivor". If you are concern about  your heart (Heart failure), go and get your heart checked. My mother died of Congestive Heart Failure and I don't think that is the case with you....it's definately panic attack and they are awful. Avoid being in an environment that will trigger an attack, but it can be controlled easily...talk with your doctor. We are here for you if you just want to talk.  Judy

[margypops]

You may also get help on the PTSD forum where most of who have suffered from PTSD get help...

[Beachwalker33]

Panic attacks I suffered from,until rescently.I have them occasionally,xanax will help and because its short acting before bedtime take Valium 5-10 mgs.Its safe to mix 2 benzos if its taken 4 hours after the last xanax.Ask your doctor,panic attacks are awful,what made mine so much worse is it was setting of my asthma.There's also anti-depressants that help,I had a bad reaction and can't take them.Klonopin 2x a day or Celexa may also help.Typically,once depression has turned into panic attacks,the anti-depressants aren't as effective,my opinion.Go see a doctor bacause these are awful and I'm sorry that your experiancing them.Post traumatic is my guess.Take care & God Bless,Jen