I JUST LOST MY MOM ABOUT TWO AGO

[charlydawn]

to give some back ground, my mom was an alcholic and abused drugs when i was a child it took me many years to get over and still working thur some issues. when I got the call tonight  felt numb I really could react emotionally  so my cousin thought I was being heart less. is it mean of me not being able to feel like people think i should.

[Caroline565]

I am so sorry for your loss. I have to agree with Judy and suzi-q--their advice and comments are right on. This doesn't make you heartless, insensitive or anything else. It sometimes takes a while for us to react to shocking news such as a death and even then, our responses may not be or seem appropriate to others. I have already been to funerals where I've witnessed someone laughing. While this response is not typical, on occaision, it does happen to some people. I just hope you will eventually be able to let go of some of the disappointment in your Mother's life choices. Obviously, you have suffered because of it but maybe if you are able to forgive her, you'll be able to rid yourself of pain she has caused you. I hope this makes some sense to you.

[charlydawn]

thank you guys so much for your input.

[Judy246]

Everyone responds differently and when we experience our mother's death, you don't know how react or respond. How do you respond to your mom death?  I don't know, but numbness  and a feeling of surreal (this can't be happening ).  There is no right way to immediately respond.  When my mom died in my arms, I was the pilar of the family with a "take charge ", and make sure the arrangements were taken care of.  I bought her a beautiful white dress (like a bride) to bury her in and while my 4 sister fell apart  stricken with grief, I made sure everything was taken care of, but  It hit me when I least expected it.  All of a sudden, I was overwhelmed with grief.  I wanted to die without my "mom" and be with her. Did not know how to live without her. The reality hit me hard that mom is not coming back home.

What has happened in the past, resentments, anger, hurt feelings should now stay in the past. You must forgive your mother, because she was troubled and couldn't handle life, that is why she turned to alcohol and drugs. You must forgive her from your heart and soul, so that she can rest in peace and talk to her and tell her you forgive her and love her to make sure she has crossed over. No matter what happened in the past, she is your mom and I'm sure loved you unconditionally.

Death is raw....there is nothing like what we have experienced. I describe it as hell.  We are here for you.  I know what you are going through, because I'm grieving mom and my dad was an alcoholic back in the days....he's 84 now and I love and forgive everything he ever did to me....Judy

[suzi-q]

No...emotions ae not good or bad..not mean or nice...they are feelings.  How you react to them is another thing.  Everyone acts differently and feels different things  at different times during grief.  You had a rocky relationship with your mom.  Numb does not mean you didn't love or care about your mom...sometimes you are just in shock and it taks a while for feelings to come out.  Everyone eperiences grief in different ways.  Just feel what YOU feel and don't worry what others think.

[charlydawn]

let me correct some things sorry could not react emotionally, plus i lost two hours ago.