does the pain ever go away?

[heatherlynn22]

sept. 28 (i know i'm posting a bit late...) was the 3 year anniversary of my pappy's death. he was like a second father to me. the one man who had been there for me, no matter what since the day i was born. i was his princess. it still hurts so so so much. i was able to spend the last few weeks with him. visiting every day, listening to his stories again but i just miss him as much as the day i got that dreadful call. there isn't a day that goes by that i think "wow i wonder how pappy is". he was the only grandfather i have ever known (my other grandfather passed when i was 6 and i hadn't seen him since i was 2 before that.). he was such an amazing man. does the pain ever go away?? it hit me like loosing a parent. i still visit my grandmother (she refuses to move out of their old house, or even pack away his things) and when i see his empty chair (NOBODY will sit there....not even now. that is pappy's chair) it takes everything i have to not break down and cry. i actually took one of his old t-shirts (after asking my grams) and have it tucked in my dresser drawer. i just miss him. a lot.

[heatherlynn22]

thank you jen.

[Beachwalker33]

Hi,
     I totally understand.I used to spend the night at my Pap & Grandma's,he always gave me a white t-shirt of his.He had a stroke,a month after he passed,My Mom was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer.Neither one of us had a chance to grieve over him,as we were trying to keep her alive! It worked once,but returned quickly,her and her Dad are in heaven together forever.That brings me comfort,their so happy now.Through faith in God,prayer and writing my thoughts to God or my Mom,I will learn to live a life with my son,for he needs me.Keep busy,as I have found out,stopping your life and thinking about what we wish we had,but can't,compounds the pain.Support,you need it,in person.I will pray for you! Time doesn't heal all wounds,but it does lesson the burden.God Bless,Jen

[Judy246]

I smile as I read your post, you truly loved pappy and uncle too. Pappy loved you unconditionally and it would have broken his heart to see you grieving over him. He would not want you to suffer in anyway. Remember, he was the protector, so rest easy in knowing that you both share a very special spiritual bond and you have to believe and trust in  God that you will see him again in God's time. There is really no way around this one, but it really does help to just tell someone, hey, I'm hurting really bad and missing my pappy terribly. We can all her help by simply listening, sharing, smiling at the memories, huggy the cloth and hair left behind and now we are the next generation that have to make it right for our kids...the journey continues, and they will alway be in a place where death can never take them away...our hearts.  Rest easy, we are going to be ok one day soon :)

[heatherlynn22]

thank you judy. my pap also had black hair. his was black with a touch of grey streaked through it. it's amazing how much i remember him. his laugh, his hoarce voice, even his loogie hauc (he was always spitting, it was gross, but it was pap), i remember him being in his garden, in the green house with his "babies" (he had a sweet spot for peppers...he grew them from seedlings until they were peppers...then ate them. lol), i remember his smile (which he didn't do all that often) and his reeses cups. he ALWAYS had reeses bites hidden for me when i went to see him. now grandma hides milky ways for me. he always wore ratty, torn jeans and an old t-shirt with big, ugly brown boots. and up until a few years before he passed he had this mutty little terrier that followed him everywhere. he'd sit in his chair drinking his tea and his mut would be sitting next to him. and despite how rough and tough he was when i would spend the night he always tucked me into bed and kissed my forehead. that's one thing i'll never forget. my pappy kisses. before i'd leave to go home it was always "love you pappy" and he'd say "love you to kiddo". which is what my uncle (who happens to also be deceased) ALWAYS called me. and now that i think about it they were the only 2 who ever did call me kiddo.

[Judy246]

Heather, We never really get over losing a loved one to death, we have to adjust to what is beyond our control. I find death to be so unmerciful, yet my faith gives me such hope that one day I will see my mother and we will continue together as if nothing ever happened. It's interesting that you said that you have old t-shirts, because I have a box with my mothers cloth and as I write I have her slippers and robe on :) The house is exactly the way she had it and will stay this way. I also have a lock her hair, which was cut while she layed in her casket. Two day's ago, I opened my drawer and there was the envelope. I opened it, and  I gently pulled out my mother's black hair. She was 70 yr.old and had the most amazing jet black hair. I  gently smelled it and pressed it against my heart, knowing that this is her hair.  Oh, God how I miss my mother. There are no words to express the pain deep in my heart that I still feel just remembering my mom. It's still hard for me to accept that my mother is dead.

Heather always remember pappy with love and fond memories. Always celebrate his life and trust in God that one day in His time, pappy is going to come running to you from the gates of heaven and be the guiding light to show you and grams the way.