watching a loved one whither

[bigmike23]

I have recently lot my mother, and it was a long, long process. in 2005 she was diagnosed with lung cancer, which a simple biopsy could have cured. she refused any therapy, or surgery. The last 6 months of her life, my father and I were her primary care givers, providing for her every need, 24 hours a day. She passed Jan. 10th.
My question is, has anyone else gone through this? what are some coping strategies i might be able to use? I was able to work through a lot of it by helping her, and focusing my efforts upon her. Now that she is gone, I dont have a focus for my pain and grief.

[Limonada]

My heartfelt condolences to you at this difficult time....I wish you every strength now, and that you'll find a sense of peace, eventually.

I lost my mom to renal cancer almost 6 years ago.  She was diagnosed 4 years prior to that, though, and we were told that she had very little time. Obviously, that ended up not being the case....Which, in a way is a blessing, of course, since we got to spend more time together - but she wasn't the same person and it was so heartbreaking to see her withering away.  I know you know what I mean.

Anyway...I wasn't her caregiver as I lived in another city - my dad and brother were there every step of the way.  I never sought counselling either while she was sick or after she died and now, years later, I wish I had.  Becoming a mom caused a lot of grief to resurface for me.  I'll be starting therapy soon, as a result of this.  

So, I guess that my advice to you, for what it's worth coming from a complete stranger, is to talk to someone....professionally, just to help you work through what you're feeling.  Friends and family are wonderful as far as support goes as well....but sometimes it's hard to really open up to those closest to you, especially if they were also close to your mom and are going through their own grief process.

All my best :-)

[Poobah]

I am sorry you lost your mother.  I do know what you are going through.  I lost my mom 2 months ago due to a very long lung illness.  I was not her care-taker though, because I lived so far away from her.  But she was always writing me and on the phone.

I watched my mom go from a strong woman, to a woman who couldn't even take a shower by herself.  But she did try.

I thought that since I was already prepared that she would die from this disease, that it wouldn't be that difficult for me to accept, but it is.  It seems like everything I do, I see "her" in it.  Like when cooking, I think about how she taught me certain things.  When working with my plants, I remember her advice.  It makes me SO sad, but at the same time, I have good memories of her.  None bad.

Put your thoughts on the things your mom did for you as a child.  Think on the positive.  And I don't know if you are a child of God or not, (I am), but right now is the time (if you are not) to seek Him.  I don't know what I would do without Jesus.  I would probably go crazy.  But He (Jesus) is taking care of me, and I have someone to go to in my time of mourning.  People say they understand...but it's just not the same I guess.  But Jesus has definitely been there for me.

Grieving with you....

[suzi-q]

I say right now your focus IS your pain and grief.  You have to let it out and feel what you are feeling.  There is no way to go around it.  You have to go THROUGH it.  It is good to have diversions also.  Things that make YOU happy.  Dinner with friends, a funny movie, etc.  But I think it is important to not suppress your emotions which is what I am sure you did while caring for your mom.  By continuing to suppress your saddness it will just manifest itself in different ways.  So let it all go now..feel what you need to feel...cry when you want to cry...Blessings to you!