Aa
repeated unprotected vaginal intercourse
Ok, I was married for 10 yrs and divorced for the last 12 months. In April I met a single divorced dad online. Had protected sex at first. He pressured even the first time not to use a condom. (I have an IUD, he was mostly concerned about pregnancy). He told me he was ok, had been married, and been in a few committed long term relationships since his divorce 4 yrs ago. We had unprotected vaginal sex about 12-14 times. First time was in April last time was 4 weeks ago this weekend.
I now have information that he is both an alcoholic and outrageously promiscuous.I believe that he likely had unprotected sex with other women even during the short time frame that we were sleeping together and that he could have picked up HIV anytime from April - 4 weeks ago.His risk behaviors would be sleeping with a lot of women, often drunk and not using any kind of judgement, and having unprotected sex probably even the first time with women he just met.I'm embarassed to realize that he looks for vulnerable women.
I took a blood test Tues, and am still awaiting my results. My doc told me not to worry it could take a week? Anyway here are my questions:
1. Statistically, if I were to assume that he has HIV (even tho' I don't know that)How high is my risk having had unprotected vaginal sex about 12 times with him coming inside me?
2. The last time we had sex was 4 weeks ago and he pulled out. Before that I hadn't seen him in 5 weeks.So, have I waited long enough to test to get accurate test results?
3. This summer, after seeing and sleeping with him around July 1st, approx 2.5 weeks later I had an unusual illness that I mistook to be early pregnancy.I had a very "sore chest" and mostly armpits and had debilitating exhaustion and muscle weakness and achiness mostly in my legs. I am a mother of two beautiful daughters and felt almost positive that I was pregnant. Went to the doc, even did an ultrasound to rule out ectopic, etc. I wasn't. During this episode I slept nearly round the clock, had a hard time lifting things and had outrageously sore armpits and one day of achiness in my knees, ankles, etc. However, I didn't really feel "sick", just amazingly exhausted. No fever, no sneezing, nose, etc.... just some crushing headaches. At the time of the episode I was still clueless and had never even considered HIV, I had remained concerned about it since then. I'm very fit, work out everyday and eat extremely healthy. I'm usually full of positive energy. So, my symptoms at the time could not have been anxiety or reading into HIV symptoms because I was completely in the dark about all of that until literally two days ago.
So, anyway thanks for reading. I'm just hoping that you can give me some numbers about the unprotected vaginal sex under the assumption that he is HIV positive as a worst case scenario. From what I read, it's only the men that escape easily from limited exposures, correct? Is 12 times or so considered a limited exposure?
I now have information that he is both an alcoholic and outrageously promiscuous.I believe that he likely had unprotected sex with other women even during the short time frame that we were sleeping together and that he could have picked up HIV anytime from April - 4 weeks ago.His risk behaviors would be sleeping with a lot of women, often drunk and not using any kind of judgement, and having unprotected sex probably even the first time with women he just met.I'm embarassed to realize that he looks for vulnerable women.
I took a blood test Tues, and am still awaiting my results. My doc told me not to worry it could take a week? Anyway here are my questions:
1. Statistically, if I were to assume that he has HIV (even tho' I don't know that)How high is my risk having had unprotected vaginal sex about 12 times with him coming inside me?
2. The last time we had sex was 4 weeks ago and he pulled out. Before that I hadn't seen him in 5 weeks.So, have I waited long enough to test to get accurate test results?
3. This summer, after seeing and sleeping with him around July 1st, approx 2.5 weeks later I had an unusual illness that I mistook to be early pregnancy.I had a very "sore chest" and mostly armpits and had debilitating exhaustion and muscle weakness and achiness mostly in my legs. I am a mother of two beautiful daughters and felt almost positive that I was pregnant. Went to the doc, even did an ultrasound to rule out ectopic, etc. I wasn't. During this episode I slept nearly round the clock, had a hard time lifting things and had outrageously sore armpits and one day of achiness in my knees, ankles, etc. However, I didn't really feel "sick", just amazingly exhausted. No fever, no sneezing, nose, etc.... just some crushing headaches. At the time of the episode I was still clueless and had never even considered HIV, I had remained concerned about it since then. I'm very fit, work out everyday and eat extremely healthy. I'm usually full of positive energy. So, my symptoms at the time could not have been anxiety or reading into HIV symptoms because I was completely in the dark about all of that until literally two days ago.
So, anyway thanks for reading. I'm just hoping that you can give me some numbers about the unprotected vaginal sex under the assumption that he is HIV positive as a worst case scenario. From what I read, it's only the men that escape easily from limited exposures, correct? Is 12 times or so considered a limited exposure?
A related discussion, rates was started.
Good to hear ... ive been thinking about you. Be safe and rest easy now.
awesome!!! I'm so happy for you moonchild. I've been wondering about you! you are certainly lucky you got the results back so soon. I guess there was a lesson to be learned and fortunately, it only made you stronger, and more the wise. and like I said, don't beat up on yourself too badly. we've all been there, we've all be lonely and vulnerable and made mistakes. don't worry too much about the 3 month test, I wouldnt even bother. Your results are totally conclusive. right on!!
Oh, not a chance that I'll talk to him again. It's really creepy.... after I sent him the "don't bother anymore" message he was online almost nonstop for like 3 days. Even creepier, he's not been online in the last 5 days which probably means he has found someone. Too bad there's no way to warn her.
I'll do one more test when it's been 3 months since the last time, just to be absolutely certain.....
I'll do one more test when it's been 3 months since the last time, just to be absolutely certain.....
I'm so happy to hear that the results were negative. It's a positive thing and now you can move forward and look towards a better future. I hope you don't talk to that guy anymore.
Results are in. My test was negative. I'm still shaking with relief. Thank you to everyone for your replies. I plan to check back in regularly and post if I can be of help or comfort to anyone else.
To any women who find themselves back in the dating game after marrying their college boyfriends 10 or 15 years ago, I just want to say to be SO careful. It is truly a different world out here now, and you still need to be very aware and listen to what your gut tells you. My biggest regret looking back at the last few days was total shock at myself and asking myself why I didn't listen to what my intuition was telling me. When you step back into dating, really think about your vulnerability and consider how strong your boundaries are. After being married and having children, many of us have very low boundaries and have become so open. I still believe there are nice guys out there, but my advice would be to let them show you that over time. Not everybody you meet will be upfront with you, and being too trusting can be a real downfall.
To any women who find themselves back in the dating game after marrying their college boyfriends 10 or 15 years ago, I just want to say to be SO careful. It is truly a different world out here now, and you still need to be very aware and listen to what your gut tells you. My biggest regret looking back at the last few days was total shock at myself and asking myself why I didn't listen to what my intuition was telling me. When you step back into dating, really think about your vulnerability and consider how strong your boundaries are. After being married and having children, many of us have very low boundaries and have become so open. I still believe there are nice guys out there, but my advice would be to let them show you that over time. Not everybody you meet will be upfront with you, and being too trusting can be a real downfall.
I thought the chance of a man catching HIV from a one time exposure was 1-1000, and a woman is twice as likely 1-500. Is that correct?
If it's a negative result will they just tell me that over the phone? Is it a bad sign if they insist that I come in to get my results?
Any quick replies greatly appreciated...
Any quick replies greatly appreciated...
Just meant that I think it'd be highly unlikely that he would admit to anything due to culpability. (in case I tried to sue him or something...)
Good advice for the ladies. Stay safe Moonchild.
you are so right. there is no substitute for taking the time to get to know someone's character!
What does his being an attorney have to do with it? Every profession has its share of jerks - they are no exception.
Thank you so much for your response. I guess now I just sit and wait, and think about the problems having weak boundaries in regards to men can cause. I'm worried that I have let my daughters down by my own naievete.
PS I gotta tell ya I think it's highly unlikely he would "fess up" if asked directly. Did I mention he's an attorney? ;-)
PS I gotta tell ya I think it's highly unlikely he would "fess up" if asked directly. Did I mention he's an attorney? ;-)
athe risk is actually 1 in 1000 from F-M and greater for a woman. If he ejaculated in you, there is a higher risk per encounter. I doubt you have contracted it, just hang in there until your results come in.
I can only tell you from a man's point of view with a known HIV woman. I was told its 1 in 100 for the man to be infected if the woman was HIV+. I don't know if the situation other way round but with him penatrating you I guess higher if he is HIV+ which you don't know.
Wait the 6 weeks get tested then on the basis of that either get tested again at 3 months or not if you hear that the guy isn't HIV+
Wait the 6 weeks get tested then on the basis of that either get tested again at 3 months or not if you hear that the guy isn't HIV+
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Too bad you got snookered; I know it doesn't feel good, even leaving the health issues aside. But statistically, it is still very unlikely your partner has HIV. Despite all the hype about HIV, in most populations in the US and industrialized countries it remains rare in heterosexuals who don't use injection drugs, aren't bi, and haven't been in prison. So most likely you are OK with respect to HIV. (But if not done, it would be wise to be tested for other common STDs, like chlamydia, gonorrhea, etc. Those are much more likely than HIV.) But one thing you can do is phone him and ask if he has HIV. Most people, even ***holes like this guy, don't lie when asked directly (outside sexual situations).
1) The risk of HIV transmission for each episode of unprotected vaginal sex averages 1 in 1000. So with 12 events, your risk could be around 1% (1 in 100). It could be higher if he happened to have a new HIV infection with a high viral load; or much lower if chronically infected with a low viral load.
2) Search the archives for innumerable discussions of "time to positive HIV test". Over 90% of infected people have positive tests by 4 weeks and it approaches 100% by 6 weeks. The pending test, which undoubtedly will be negative, will be highly reassuring.
3) Despite what you have read, symptoms never are a reliable indicator of new HIV infection (and absence of symptoms never reliably indicate absence of infection). And your symptoms don't sound like HIV anyway. For more information, search for "ARS symptoms" and/or "HIV symptoms".
Good luck-- HHH, MD
1) The risk of HIV transmission for each episode of unprotected vaginal sex averages 1 in 1000. So with 12 events, your risk could be around 1% (1 in 100). It could be higher if he happened to have a new HIV infection with a high viral load; or much lower if chronically infected with a low viral load.
2) Search the archives for innumerable discussions of "time to positive HIV test". Over 90% of infected people have positive tests by 4 weeks and it approaches 100% by 6 weeks. The pending test, which undoubtedly will be negative, will be highly reassuring.
3) Despite what you have read, symptoms never are a reliable indicator of new HIV infection (and absence of symptoms never reliably indicate absence of infection). And your symptoms don't sound like HIV anyway. For more information, search for "ARS symptoms" and/or "HIV symptoms".
Good luck-- HHH, MD
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