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HIV Risk
Hello:
I am a 47 year old male that has never been sexualy active. Last week I chose a male massage service to experience something I had been missing all of my life. One massage turned into three consecutive meetings. I enjoyed the attention and companionship immensly. My concern is HIV transmission. I am very paranoid and worried. There was no semen or blood exchanged to my knowledge. There was no intercourse, no kissing only body contact. What worries me is there was some oral sex on both parts. I had his penis in my mouth for about 20 seconds. He was not erect and I was not aware of any pre-ejaculate or blood. I only did this once during the three sessions. There was a lot of body contact and rubbing and he did mastubate me to climax. He said he tested negative three months ago and that everything we did was safe. After thinking about the number of partners he would have had I began to worry. Now I am to the point that I cannot focus on anything else. I don't think I could stand to wait three months to get tested.
Any information would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks
I am a 47 year old male that has never been sexualy active. Last week I chose a male massage service to experience something I had been missing all of my life. One massage turned into three consecutive meetings. I enjoyed the attention and companionship immensly. My concern is HIV transmission. I am very paranoid and worried. There was no semen or blood exchanged to my knowledge. There was no intercourse, no kissing only body contact. What worries me is there was some oral sex on both parts. I had his penis in my mouth for about 20 seconds. He was not erect and I was not aware of any pre-ejaculate or blood. I only did this once during the three sessions. There was a lot of body contact and rubbing and he did mastubate me to climax. He said he tested negative three months ago and that everything we did was safe. After thinking about the number of partners he would have had I began to worry. Now I am to the point that I cannot focus on anything else. I don't think I could stand to wait three months to get tested.
Any information would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Welcome to the HIV forum.
There is a good news/bad news theme to your situation. From the good news side, I hope your newly expressed sexuality proves rewarding in the long run. It should. You probably will want to start exploring other sorts of partnerships, but at your stage of life, any start probably is a good start.
The bad news part is your anxiety and, although not yet high risk for HIV, the possibility that this sort of pattern -- sex with casual partners you do not know well -- could become very risky for both HIV and other STD. But so far, it is not. HIV cannot be transmitted by hand-genital contact, body rubbing, or other skin-to-skin contact. And transmission by oral sex is very safe -- calculated at an average risk of one HIV transmission for every 10,000-20,000 exposures. And that's if one partner is infected, yours doesn't necessarily have HIV. To put those numbers in perspective, 1 in 10,000 is equivalent to an oral sex event once daily with HIV infected people and maybe not catching the infection over the next 27 years.
At this point, you should have a heart-to-heart discussion witn your massage partner and ask if he has HIV. Most people are truthful when asked directly. If he says no, you have no worries -- and even if he does, the chance you were infected was zero for all practical purposes. From here on out, please get in the habit of asking about HIV status before having sex with a new partner, not afterward. And please start carrying condoms and be prepared to use them if and when your sexual activities expand to include anal sex.
You really don't need HIV testing at all in this situation, except for anxiety relief from the negative result. If my reassurance is not sufficient and you decide to be tested, you don't need to wait 3 months. Testing at 6-8 weeks picks up almost all new HIV infections.
Finally, as you begin to (finally) express your sexual impulses, please consider seeing a counselor to speak about it. Assuming your attractions are primarily to men, there are gay community agencies and online services that can help you a lot. Please seek them out and take advantage of them.
But don't lose any sleep over your HIV risks after the exposures you have had so far. There is no measurable HIV risk so far.
Good luck-- HHH, MD
There is a good news/bad news theme to your situation. From the good news side, I hope your newly expressed sexuality proves rewarding in the long run. It should. You probably will want to start exploring other sorts of partnerships, but at your stage of life, any start probably is a good start.
The bad news part is your anxiety and, although not yet high risk for HIV, the possibility that this sort of pattern -- sex with casual partners you do not know well -- could become very risky for both HIV and other STD. But so far, it is not. HIV cannot be transmitted by hand-genital contact, body rubbing, or other skin-to-skin contact. And transmission by oral sex is very safe -- calculated at an average risk of one HIV transmission for every 10,000-20,000 exposures. And that's if one partner is infected, yours doesn't necessarily have HIV. To put those numbers in perspective, 1 in 10,000 is equivalent to an oral sex event once daily with HIV infected people and maybe not catching the infection over the next 27 years.
At this point, you should have a heart-to-heart discussion witn your massage partner and ask if he has HIV. Most people are truthful when asked directly. If he says no, you have no worries -- and even if he does, the chance you were infected was zero for all practical purposes. From here on out, please get in the habit of asking about HIV status before having sex with a new partner, not afterward. And please start carrying condoms and be prepared to use them if and when your sexual activities expand to include anal sex.
You really don't need HIV testing at all in this situation, except for anxiety relief from the negative result. If my reassurance is not sufficient and you decide to be tested, you don't need to wait 3 months. Testing at 6-8 weeks picks up almost all new HIV infections.
Finally, as you begin to (finally) express your sexual impulses, please consider seeing a counselor to speak about it. Assuming your attractions are primarily to men, there are gay community agencies and online services that can help you a lot. Please seek them out and take advantage of them.
But don't lose any sleep over your HIV risks after the exposures you have had so far. There is no measurable HIV risk so far.
Good luck-- HHH, MD
Thank you for your patience and great detail in answering my question. I appreciate your "bedside manner" and will heed your advice on all levels.
Tonight I can sleep.
Thanks again
Tonight I can sleep.
Thanks again
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