Can't accept it

[oblivionman]

Doctors,

I had an exposure in december.  It was protected vaginal sex with a sexworker and unprotected oral sex.  I don't know if she was an IV drug user or not, but she seemed all about safety.  This event panicked me (I am married) so I waited until the 83rd day after this exposure and was tested for HIV, syphyllis, and hep a, b, and c.  All came back negative.  It was a standard lab blood draw, and I don't think it was the duo test for HIV.

Since my test, twice I visited massage parlors and received masturbation with oil.  no other contact.  My wife has been dying to have sex so we can start a family, but I can't seem to bring myself to believe I just might be OK.  I start thinking about whether or not I received a false negative, or maybe I did not wait a long enough time to test, or I may start developing antibodies at a later stage.  Then I start thinking maybe I could have cought something from 1 of the 2 handjobs I received since my test.  I never tested for ghonnorea, chlamidia, or herpes, but have had no drippage, sores, or anything.  The only thing I notices was a small pimple on the shaft of my penis which I popped and it went away.

Can you please summarize your opinions on what my next steps should be?  I desperatly want to move on from this and have unprotected sex with my wife, and really don't ever want to play with fire ever again.  But do you think I walked away from this experience without getting burned?

Please help, I'm really concerned with everything.

[H. Hunter Handsfield, M.D.]

You already know that I agree professional mental health care seems reasonable and I'm glad to hear you recognize it.  Now you need to follow through on it.

However, this forum is not a substitute for it.  Worried people always have another "yes but" or "what if" question, and our experience on this forum is that continued response to such questions simply servies to extend the anxiety -- so I won't play that game.  The answer to your questions are 1) yes and 2 ) no, I don't think you need any other testing.  

And by the way, for your information and that of other users:   that you paid your posting fee doesn't make you eligible for any replies other than the initial one.  Some MedHelp moderators never answer follow-up questions and even set their browsers to block all follow-up comments.  Sometimes I'm tempted myself

And that will have to end this thread.  Take care.

[oblivionman]

Thanks for the comments Dr, but I don't think I need professional mental help.  HIV is a scary thing, and when we are young and promiscuous it's a totally different ballgame for people who were that way before the HIV epidemic began.  I understand risk is risk, and each persons risk is based off of their experiences, but sometimes we have families that we have to worry about as well, so it might take some additional reenforcement to convince us that we are simply ok.  I believe there to be a HUGE gap between that and telling someone they need professional mental help.

anyways, I paid my fees so..

So I had a few questions before I'm on my way.

1.  is an 82 day antibody only test as reliable as a 4th generation DUO?
2.  You don't think I need to test for any other STD either due to the unprotected oral?

Thanks for answering these last 2 questions.  

[H. Hunter Handsfield, M.D.]

Welcome to the forum.  But unfortunately, you are asking for help that this forum is not qualified to give.

You known intellectually that your test results are valid and you don't have HIV -- or other blood borne infections.  You're having trouble believing it at an emotional level.  In other words, this is a mental health issue, not one of sexual safety.  I'll repeat a couple of facts you already know, but that's all I can do.

You had a safe exposure with a partner who almost certainly wasn't infected; when a sex worker insists on condom use and are "all about safety", it's a good bet s/he knows s/he isn't infected and intends to stay that way.  (Sex workers statistically are at much higher risk of HIV from their clients than the clients are from them.)  Hand jobs do not transmit HIV or other STDs.

So the answer is that I do indeed believe you "walked away from this experience without getting burned" and that you can resume unprotected sex with your wife, without any fears for her health.  Certainly if I were in your situation, I would never have stopped having sex with my wife -- and I wouldn't even have been tested for HIV or any other STD.

If this opinion gets you over the hump of your emotional response to your regretted sexual choice -- and I hope it does -- that would be great.  But my guess is that you're likely to need professional mental health attention to achieve that.  I suggest it out of compassion, not criticism.

Good luck with it --  HHH, MD