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Joke of the day
Here is a little early thanksgiving humor
John received a parrot as an early Christmas gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.
John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary. Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back.
John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hands, grabbed the bird and shoved him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.
Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer.
The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said, 'I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions,
and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior.'
John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued....
........"May I inquire as to what the turkey did?'
John received a parrot as an early Christmas gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.
John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary. Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back.
John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hands, grabbed the bird and shoved him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.
Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer.
The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said, 'I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions,
and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior.'
John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued....
........"May I inquire as to what the turkey did?'
A man in Phoenix calls his son in New
York two days before Thanksgiving
and says,'I hate to ruin your day, but I
have to tell you that your mother
and I are divorcing; forty-five years of
misery is enough.'
'Pop, what are you talking about?' the
son screams.
We can't stand the sight of each other
any longer,' the father says.
'We're sick of each other, and I'm sick
of talking about this, so you call
your sister in Chicago and tell her.'
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who
explodes on the phone. 'Like heck
they're getting divorced,' she shouts,
'I'll take care of this,'
She calls Phoenix immediately, and
screams at her father, 'You are NOT
getting divorced. Don't do a single
thing until I get there. I'm calling my
brother back, and we'll both be there
tomorrow. Until then, don't do a
thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?' and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and
turns to his wife. 'Okay,' he says,
'they're coming for Thanksgiving and
paying their own way.'
If you see someone without a smile today
give them one of yours!
Live simply. Love seriously. Care
deeply. Speak kindly.
Leave the rest to God.
York two days before Thanksgiving
and says,'I hate to ruin your day, but I
have to tell you that your mother
and I are divorcing; forty-five years of
misery is enough.'
'Pop, what are you talking about?' the
son screams.
We can't stand the sight of each other
any longer,' the father says.
'We're sick of each other, and I'm sick
of talking about this, so you call
your sister in Chicago and tell her.'
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who
explodes on the phone. 'Like heck
they're getting divorced,' she shouts,
'I'll take care of this,'
She calls Phoenix immediately, and
screams at her father, 'You are NOT
getting divorced. Don't do a single
thing until I get there. I'm calling my
brother back, and we'll both be there
tomorrow. Until then, don't do a
thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?' and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and
turns to his wife. 'Okay,' he says,
'they're coming for Thanksgiving and
paying their own way.'
If you see someone without a smile today
give them one of yours!
Live simply. Love seriously. Care
deeply. Speak kindly.
Leave the rest to God.
The Italian Secret of a Long Marriage
At Saint Mary's Catholic Church they have a weekly husband's only
marriage seminar. At the session last week, the Priest asked Luigi,
who was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes
and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the
same woman all these years.
Luigi replied to the assembled husbands, "Wella, I've a-tried to
treat-a her nizza, spenda money on her, but besta of all is that I
tooka her to Italy for the 20th anniversary!"
The Priest responded "Luigi, you are an amazing inspiration to all the
husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for
your 50th Anniversary." Luigi proudly replied, "I'm agonna go get her."
At Saint Mary's Catholic Church they have a weekly husband's only
marriage seminar. At the session last week, the Priest asked Luigi,
who was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes
and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the
same woman all these years.
Luigi replied to the assembled husbands, "Wella, I've a-tried to
treat-a her nizza, spenda money on her, but besta of all is that I
tooka her to Italy for the 20th anniversary!"
The Priest responded "Luigi, you are an amazing inspiration to all the
husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for
your 50th Anniversary." Luigi proudly replied, "I'm agonna go get her."
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