friday humor

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated waiting for the pilot to show up so they can get under way.
The pilot and co-pilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind; the pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle. The copilot is using a guide dog. Both are wearing sunglasses.
At first, the passengers do not react thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. After a few minutes though, the engines start revving, and the airplane begins moving down the runway.
The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness. They start whispering among themselves and look desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance.
Yet, the plane starts accelerating rapidly, and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical.
When the plane has less than twenty feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once. At the very last moment, the plane lifts off and is airborne.
Up in the cockpit, the co-pilot breathes a sigh of relief and tells the pilot: "You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream, and we aren't going to know when to take off!"

[rosebud57]

There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches rings. A man picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:
"Hello?"
"Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
"Yes."
"Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful mink coat. It's absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?"
"What's the price?"
"Only $1,500.00."
"Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much ... "
"Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2005 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman, and he gave me a really good price ... and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year ... "
"What price did he quote you?"
"Only $60,000 ... "
"OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
"Great! But before we hang up, something else ... "
"What?"
"It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and ... I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year. It's on sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, acre of park area, beachfront property ... "
"How much are they asking?"
"Only $650,000 - a magnificent price...and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover ... "
"Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid $620,000. OK?"
"OK, sweetie ... Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"
"Bye ... I do too ... "
The man hangs up, and raises his hand and asks all those present,
"Okay... who's phone is this?"

[rosebud57]

According to a recent survey by the Academy of Incomplete Research, nine out of ten people are

[ladywhy]

hi...couldn't get to sleep though am very tired. Not anymore after reading your humorous posts....thanks alot! :) It is after 3:00am and took shot (like most of us on Friday) took ambien and still can't sleep. Bummer...thank God I can sleep a little late tomorrow. Hope you are doing well this morning? have a nice, pleasant weekend. It's supposed to rain here all weekend and then some...ah well..maybe I'll get some house cleaning done. 'Til next time. God Bless You!
Yvonne

[rosebud57]

A frog telephoned the Psychic Hot line and was told, "You are going to meet a beautiful, young woman who will want to know everything about you."
The frog said, "That's great! Will I meet her at a party?"
"No," said the psychic. "Next term--in her biology class."

[rosebud57]

i guess you might be on the right coast, i am on the left.

sorry you can't sleep, i remember what that was like, i still have trouble sleeping early, but once i'm down it is a sound sleep.  try stretching while you wait for pills to kick in.

i am up looking for humor and listening to the noises from my neighbors, they have turned the connecting duplex into a party house.   it really sux to have neighbors who are so inconsiderate.

[ladywhy]

I would write them a letter and give it to them tomorrow. A nice letter telling them that the noise is keeping you and others up. Ask them for some consideration. Sure, everyone likes a good party once in awhile...but not at the expense of others. Just a thought. If you do this...keep it real friendly like. If it continues...call the cops! lol
g'night

[EspritLibre1]

this thread was a great idea... thanks... we need this... maybe I'll come up with one later today... right now it is eat and back to sleep maybe..

[BonnieRobin]

I coulnt sleep either. That airline joke was hysterical!!!!
Thank for sharing Hope you feel ok.

Bonnie

[Myown]

I liked the airline joke best. That was really funny.

[ladybug52]

Those pesky neighbors! Looks like they'll never change. You need to play loud music early in the morning while they're trying to sleep in. Maybe they'll get the hint.
Hugs,
Bug

[ladywhy]

Yea..that's the ticket! Blasting music in the morning... LOL
Good one!

[Jeffyboy]

Has anyone seen my cell phone I lost it at the gym?

[rosebud57]

yes, i think that is the way to get back at them, play music loud early enough to be a bother to them.  hmmn, how bout tony bennet, frank sinatra, dean martin... i really do like that kind of music, don't have any though.... what would make a 20ish person squeam?

[rosebud57]

this noise issue actually goes back to the beginning of tx.

i informed them i would be starting tx.  they were relatively new to my neighbor, but the guy lived w/pop down the street previoiusly so know of him longer.

i tried advance inform as above, i tried speaking several times, i tried the letter once, spoke after the letter, gave up tried the new prop owner 3x, tried the police about 5x, blew up big time last weekend

i can't remember whose post i asked if one could get riba rage 7 weeks after tx... cause i certainly did, in front of cops and everything - i was very very bad  i had come home from baby sitting for neice at 1:30 am "verrrrry tired" one of his party guests parked in my driveway i called police, they said they don't help with that -  call prop. mgr. or tow - i "should" have towed, instead parked behind  party went till about 3:30am - at 1:30pm the following day the guy tries to ask me to let him out i slam door in face, they had to call police on me to get me to move my car, it took him several hours and a lot of berating from me.  thinking back it wasn't worth the outburst and i saved him 250.00 - should have had it towed.  

they partied again last night. waited til 12:30 am and called police about the noise.  i am moving as soon as i am able for now stuck here. this whole unit is going to go to $hit as no one will like to live here with all the noise they make. new prop owners aren't going to like their investment as much....

[rosebud57]

i like the frog joke...

[Jeffyboy]

ooh don't tell me the punch line is on your nieghbors face.
good one........
jeffy