Aa
Not being able to finish during intercourse without oral first
Ok. Three things
1. This is long .
2 . It is more explicit than I want it to be
3. My wife is a extremely conservative Christian.
When I first got married, sex ( in general) was great but lasted 20 to thirty minutes and every once in a while I could not finish at all. This was like blue balls on steroids except I could not relieve it through any means.
One time, I was determined to finish one way or the other and went for about a hour and a half. My wife finally said she could take no more and I stopped. At that point I no longer had sexual desire driving me to finish, but a painful, extremely large penis with veins popping out all over it like a muscled body builder. This erection continued on for another hour and became more painful by the minute. I was about to ask my wife to take me to the ER when I put it in crushed ice for about 15 minutes and it finally deflated.
Some men are “ growers “ and some are “ showers “ . Mine was very small ( about 2 inch) but grew to about 6 1/2 before intercourse. So I guess about average when erect, but embarrassing small when not.
In about 1 in 7 times I would not be able to finish and I did a little research on the issue and found out some people are helped by a little oral before having sex. This made it were I would finish every time that she it done oral on me before intercourse, but she did not like to do it at all. She would do it about half the time and that cut the “ not finishing “ events in half.
The story picks up several years later when the time come for me to get a vasectomy. After the procedure, I had to walk in very small steps to avoid the feeling of getting kicked in the testicles. Sex stopped for a full year and 2 months while this was going on.
She DEMANDED sex after 6 months and after seeing the painful aftermath, told me to get to a Doctor. The Doctor sent me to a Urologist and I dreaded the visit. He came in heard my story and said you either have to wait it out until it resolves itself or if that does not happen , cut the testicles off.
The Doctor said any other treatments ( surgeries) had a very low success rate and could even make it worse. I mentioned to the doctor about my “ needing oral” to guarantee finishing during intercourse and he basically said to count myself lucky because some men can’t finish at all during intercourse. However, he did suggest using a vibrating ring during intercourse to help out. A few months after that I had my testicles to swell to Super Grandpa size. This happened and it was totally painless ( even if I ran).
The next morning the testicles had reduced in size greatly and the pain was gone. The balls keep shrinking until at least half of their normal size. After a few years my voice got higher and started losing muscle mass.
Sex started again after the pain was gone. The greatest difference was that I could only finish about half the time and I set 30 minutes as my cut off time to avoid the painful erection issues. I started asking for oral again and it help me to finish every time she did it. The erections only happened when stimulated and the penis shrunk. Either due to the lack of testosterone or lack of erections . She felt pressured about the oral issue and cut it out. She said that “ Oral does not solve the issue or help me” which was obviously incorrect. She also said I had a fixation on it and it was causing issues. Well, the “ fixation” was based on it preventing enormous pain and suffering. After debate she refused to give in. After a few more years of suffering I suggested that I either take meds to reduce my testosterone to nothing or have them cut off ( believe it or not I still had sexual desire) .
The ensuing results of my issues was relationship issues, job loss , basic loss of desire to do things and severe frustration, bitterness, and anger. She belittled by issues and said I was obsessed with sex. She did, however , do oral a few times and it helped each time. Masturbation got so that it was about as effective as intercourse at finishing, so it caused even worse issues. She refused to try the sex ring, due to the fact that it was a sex aid and she refused to have a sex aid in our marriage. After a back injury, my finishing was reduced to only being able to complete one in five times and this ramped up the issues.
To add fire to the issue I was feeling super tired for years and my RA doctor did a testosterone test and I was low ( surprise!) . I started T therapy and my energy returned in a very massive way, but this brought the issue of not finishing to the forefront in a very large way. It did seemly help my ability to finish a little, but it massively increased my desire to have sex.
Told my wife I either needed to leave, get my testosterone dropped to nothing or she needed to help me by providing oral. She said that she did not want to lose her family so that after I got my ADHD testing she would do oral. I could not figure out what the one had to do with the other but I setup the appointment. Right before the appointment I mentioned the part about the oral and she said that she did not remember the conversation at all and then proceeded to tare into me about my “ fixation “ and that oral would not help me at all .
I told her to read Webmd and a few other sites about my issue and she just keep saying the same thing. I really, really, really could care less about the oral if I was could finish without it more often. I had this issue years BEFORE we even thought about bringing oral into the relationship. It was brought in to HELP the issue. Oral is NOT the cause of the issue. Oral produces a sensation that is multiple times what intercourse does And in theory I believe that is why it helps the issue so much .
When I started ADHD meds it made erections impossible without ED meds. She said if it can’t get hard then what’s the issue? You don’t need sex. Which shows a level of understanding about the man sexually to be near zero. Without erections even the little help that masturbation gave me was basically gone. We are now nearing a divorce and she wants me to go to counseling and the Urologist. Told her I would but that I needed a productive sexual relationship going into it and if she could do that or allow me to drop my testosterone to nothing I would go .
Otherwise, I see absolutely no hope or help in going. My mental state is not in shape to take anymore, I am frustrated, bitter , angry, mad and probably not a nice person to be around or with right now. I just keep bending, and bending until I cracked. Now all I can do is look for the pieces to pick up and I basically just want to throw them in the trash and be done with it and find me a bridge to live under for the rest of my life.
1. This is long .
2 . It is more explicit than I want it to be
3. My wife is a extremely conservative Christian.
When I first got married, sex ( in general) was great but lasted 20 to thirty minutes and every once in a while I could not finish at all. This was like blue balls on steroids except I could not relieve it through any means.
One time, I was determined to finish one way or the other and went for about a hour and a half. My wife finally said she could take no more and I stopped. At that point I no longer had sexual desire driving me to finish, but a painful, extremely large penis with veins popping out all over it like a muscled body builder. This erection continued on for another hour and became more painful by the minute. I was about to ask my wife to take me to the ER when I put it in crushed ice for about 15 minutes and it finally deflated.
Some men are “ growers “ and some are “ showers “ . Mine was very small ( about 2 inch) but grew to about 6 1/2 before intercourse. So I guess about average when erect, but embarrassing small when not.
In about 1 in 7 times I would not be able to finish and I did a little research on the issue and found out some people are helped by a little oral before having sex. This made it were I would finish every time that she it done oral on me before intercourse, but she did not like to do it at all. She would do it about half the time and that cut the “ not finishing “ events in half.
The story picks up several years later when the time come for me to get a vasectomy. After the procedure, I had to walk in very small steps to avoid the feeling of getting kicked in the testicles. Sex stopped for a full year and 2 months while this was going on.
She DEMANDED sex after 6 months and after seeing the painful aftermath, told me to get to a Doctor. The Doctor sent me to a Urologist and I dreaded the visit. He came in heard my story and said you either have to wait it out until it resolves itself or if that does not happen , cut the testicles off.
The Doctor said any other treatments ( surgeries) had a very low success rate and could even make it worse. I mentioned to the doctor about my “ needing oral” to guarantee finishing during intercourse and he basically said to count myself lucky because some men can’t finish at all during intercourse. However, he did suggest using a vibrating ring during intercourse to help out. A few months after that I had my testicles to swell to Super Grandpa size. This happened and it was totally painless ( even if I ran).
The next morning the testicles had reduced in size greatly and the pain was gone. The balls keep shrinking until at least half of their normal size. After a few years my voice got higher and started losing muscle mass.
Sex started again after the pain was gone. The greatest difference was that I could only finish about half the time and I set 30 minutes as my cut off time to avoid the painful erection issues. I started asking for oral again and it help me to finish every time she did it. The erections only happened when stimulated and the penis shrunk. Either due to the lack of testosterone or lack of erections . She felt pressured about the oral issue and cut it out. She said that “ Oral does not solve the issue or help me” which was obviously incorrect. She also said I had a fixation on it and it was causing issues. Well, the “ fixation” was based on it preventing enormous pain and suffering. After debate she refused to give in. After a few more years of suffering I suggested that I either take meds to reduce my testosterone to nothing or have them cut off ( believe it or not I still had sexual desire) .
The ensuing results of my issues was relationship issues, job loss , basic loss of desire to do things and severe frustration, bitterness, and anger. She belittled by issues and said I was obsessed with sex. She did, however , do oral a few times and it helped each time. Masturbation got so that it was about as effective as intercourse at finishing, so it caused even worse issues. She refused to try the sex ring, due to the fact that it was a sex aid and she refused to have a sex aid in our marriage. After a back injury, my finishing was reduced to only being able to complete one in five times and this ramped up the issues.
To add fire to the issue I was feeling super tired for years and my RA doctor did a testosterone test and I was low ( surprise!) . I started T therapy and my energy returned in a very massive way, but this brought the issue of not finishing to the forefront in a very large way. It did seemly help my ability to finish a little, but it massively increased my desire to have sex.
Told my wife I either needed to leave, get my testosterone dropped to nothing or she needed to help me by providing oral. She said that she did not want to lose her family so that after I got my ADHD testing she would do oral. I could not figure out what the one had to do with the other but I setup the appointment. Right before the appointment I mentioned the part about the oral and she said that she did not remember the conversation at all and then proceeded to tare into me about my “ fixation “ and that oral would not help me at all .
I told her to read Webmd and a few other sites about my issue and she just keep saying the same thing. I really, really, really could care less about the oral if I was could finish without it more often. I had this issue years BEFORE we even thought about bringing oral into the relationship. It was brought in to HELP the issue. Oral is NOT the cause of the issue. Oral produces a sensation that is multiple times what intercourse does And in theory I believe that is why it helps the issue so much .
When I started ADHD meds it made erections impossible without ED meds. She said if it can’t get hard then what’s the issue? You don’t need sex. Which shows a level of understanding about the man sexually to be near zero. Without erections even the little help that masturbation gave me was basically gone. We are now nearing a divorce and she wants me to go to counseling and the Urologist. Told her I would but that I needed a productive sexual relationship going into it and if she could do that or allow me to drop my testosterone to nothing I would go .
Otherwise, I see absolutely no hope or help in going. My mental state is not in shape to take anymore, I am frustrated, bitter , angry, mad and probably not a nice person to be around or with right now. I just keep bending, and bending until I cracked. Now all I can do is look for the pieces to pick up and I basically just want to throw them in the trash and be done with it and find me a bridge to live under for the rest of my life.
I second the suggestion to pursue counseling. That is DESPERATELY needed. Holding each other hostage over the issue of counseling is, in fact, one of the hints that you desperately need counseling. That isn't a healthy way to approach marital issues, and a counselor can help you find better ways to communicate about these frustrating issues.
I also hope you're able to find a urologist who is willing to explore viable solutions.
I also hope you're able to find a urologist who is willing to explore viable solutions.
Wow, not kidding about several issues here.
So first, you definitely need a new urologist. Cutting off your testicles is NOT the answer. It is never the answer. You also need one who will figure out the testosterone issue.
If your ADHD meds are causing ED, talk to the provider who is prescribing them. There are lots of meds for ADHD, and maybe you can try one that doesn't.
You and your wife definitely need marriage counseling. This "I'll do this if you do that" isn't helping and is really quite toxic.
If she won't give you oral sex - and no one should be doing sexual things they don't like or aren't comfortable with - maybe you could try a toy like a Fleshlight or something similar. There are lots of toys that simulate oral sex for a man.
I'm sorry you're still in pain from the vasectomy, and that things with your marriage are so bad. I hope you find a new urologist, and get some relief.
So first, you definitely need a new urologist. Cutting off your testicles is NOT the answer. It is never the answer. You also need one who will figure out the testosterone issue.
If your ADHD meds are causing ED, talk to the provider who is prescribing them. There are lots of meds for ADHD, and maybe you can try one that doesn't.
You and your wife definitely need marriage counseling. This "I'll do this if you do that" isn't helping and is really quite toxic.
If she won't give you oral sex - and no one should be doing sexual things they don't like or aren't comfortable with - maybe you could try a toy like a Fleshlight or something similar. There are lots of toys that simulate oral sex for a man.
I'm sorry you're still in pain from the vasectomy, and that things with your marriage are so bad. I hope you find a new urologist, and get some relief.
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